Kash Baloch — Poetry on Identity, Love, and Survival

Discovering parts of me buried beneath years of neglect, dust covered heart rusty from disrespect. Empty for so long though I acted like I was full, spreading myself too thin, it's no surprise my soul craves attention. My ego prevented me from seeing the truth, facts that were as clear as starry nights in the country sky. Narcissistic exterior that refused to let me progress, excuses became the barriers that convoluted my fortress. I was the shepherd to a flock of sheep that were really scapegoats, blindly leading the blind, accountability could have been my antidote. Claimed to have no expectations but the demon inside me that would not be exorcised demanded forgiveness for its infatuation with lies. I pulled the veil further over my eyes and filled my ears with cotton that made me immune to others' pleas to be heard and not forgotten. Ignorance was so much easier than acceptance, I avoided every lesson that could have been my blessing. Escape became the only option that I c...

There is a darkness inside me deeper than the Grand Canyon, it yearns to be filled though almost nothing can. Empty it remains, devoid of colour. I know it's not a phase, this is who I've become. Fell for everything, now nothing could make me stand. Invested in it all, only to feel so second-hand. Used by everyone, like the Earth stripped of its natural resources. Blamed for all the heartbreak as though I am the apocalypse's horsemen. Break ups and divorces filed under my name, though all I really want is to feel the same. My love is poison, the holy grail of death. My sadness, an ocean, you cannot measure its depth. Each whispered word becomes another promise that can't be kept. I just want peace and happiness though my darkness will not permit it. I am so lonely, the most deserted places even have more visitors. My heart is stony, yet still brittle enough to easily break. Harder and harder I search for a friend, the quicker it becomes ...

Incongruent, incandescent, impolite as he took all he desired and then decided to reject it, slipping away into the night.  Such is the plight of our female counterparts sold into marriage like objects to be bargained with.  Females: though our mothers, sisters, daughters and nieces are solely seen for their beauty or measured by their usefulness.  This is patriarchal poison at play, whose toxins remain in society to this very day, as though the women that birth us are somehow weak and should be the cause for our own decay.  Centuries of subjugation have resulted in gender roles and norms that are as inconceivable as ogres and trolls.  Through conditioning at every level, girls grow into insecure women convinced that they are the devil.  Held hostage by semen which can only be supplied by male demons, at their behest; surprise, we suddenly become heathens.  In my ideal world, women would have the only power to decide their rights not the victims of mis...

Sensitive to my environment, each change affects me like a sonic boom. Try as I may to remain unchanged, I long to be as undetectable as a chameleon camouflaged to fit the background noise within a room. Adaptability can be a gracious gift or a cancerous curse dependent on its antecedents. Tension can be a landmine that exploded inside my head, the slightest exposure to it contains enough damage to poison me with lead and eradicate a lifetime of bliss. Happiness is now only a fantasy as I have become destroyed by my apathy. Sympathetic to others' needs though my own seem second-hand. Misery is now the only magic carpet which I can ride through my wasteland. Denial darkens every dream that I once had, now life is filled with despair. Mind over matter cannot be achieved from thoughts that are comprised of idle chatter. Anxiety eats at me as though my body is an incarcerated person's last lonely meal. I arrived at the limit to your love, your heart became an empty vess...

My love is taller than the Burj in Dubai My love is wider than the great Mount Sinai My love is older than China's Great Wall My love is stronger than diamonds in Sierra Leone Yet it's never enough; you always ask for more. Why does it have to be so tough? Just believe in us so we can soar. My love is more pious than the Sistine Chapel My love is more hopeful than the prayers of a small child My love is more courageous than the Trojan warriors My love is more unconditional than all the mothers' in the world Yet it still makes you question us; as if we are much too weak and not enough. Why do you take my truth as lies? I'm yours, you're mine.  Like Paradise. My love is taller than the Empire State My love is stronger than the Golden Gate My love is wiser than Egypt's Sphinx My love is harder to climb than Everest Yet you leaped over my love in a single bound My awe has sealed our destinies now. The lost garden of Eden is found I'm ...

The way you love me is as natural to me as the symphony of my heartbeat. As effortless as the ease with which your breath lulls me to sleep. Passionate as the tempestuous tropical breeze, your touch alone is enough to bring me crashing down to my knees like the hungry oceans water shores playfully with samples of their seas. I am always satisfied although my greed begs for you to return to me. As natural as the birds and the bees, without your pollen my world would appear diseased. Flowers bloom testament to your love's effects as I can simply close my eyes and envision your fingers caressing my neck. More natural than the oxygen we inhale from trees, you take me back to the land before time when all was sweet. Dehydrated in your absence, only your return can slake my thirst. Your love is more natural to me than the sun rising in the east, I can feel the sweet taboo of its heat and I just want to burn from you in the west until you set inside my arms, making our day ...

Each new day brings me closer to the dirty thirty, as I cannot help but reflect on the way it was supposed to be.  Expectation is truly the root of all heartache, with each failed expectation, one's heart is more susceptible to breaking.   I could have been a doctor, traveling the world and bringing smiles and cures or even a lawyer, arguing for what is right and sometimes even wrong; I now cringe as I think of the prestige of it all.   Instead, I am just a contender; my heart and head stronger than the muscles that line the bodies of any professional wrestler.   My confidence propels me to new heights every single day.  Sometimes I falter and believe the voices in my head that tell me that I could never do better; those are the days that corrode me from the inside out.   My ambition turns to rust - slowly - as I die another death with every hour that works against me like the poorly oiled gears in life's curious machine.  I...

Fear steals sleep like a thief in the night as it strives to rob us of our security.  It condemns us to a lifetime imprisoned by questions of whether we are worthy; our own insecurities the ruthless wardens that deprive us of our identity.  Worry, like a blade sharpened by time prevails over the strength of mankind, though it should be held accountable and indicted for the stress that is its greatest crime.  Risks were taken throughout history by Genghis Khan and other conquerors of yore, but now our leaders are engaged in wars that solely result in remorse.  Conflicts are concealed in all of our false utterances, driven by the apprehension that the truth is a disturbance that should be restricted to our own internal monologues.  Ulterior motives litter the landscapes of our interactions resulting in sadness tainted by all the things we should and could have said.  Unsurety gnaws at our resolves as we become increasingly indecisive, our inner voices silenc...

Belittled for so long by my own bitterness, each step in the right direction led me right to failure's dreary doorstep.  Success kept me at bay, its no vacancy sign was a thorn in my side every time.  Through comparing myself to every other living creature, the contrast too strong to handle; so I trembled, giving in to my fears of inadequacy instead.  I tried, strived, then thrived for so long in vain as I refused to acknowledge the demons that denied me of my rest.  Bereft, each right turn was all that I had left.  Rock bottom blues of mine had become my only friends in the most difficult of times, as I cried for salvation and begged for relief, each feeble attempt was never met with reprieve.  Life became a wizard that charmed me with the many tricks hidden inside its sleeves as I became hypnotized by all the ways that I could be detrimental to me.  Like Snow White's wicked queen, I sought out to eradicate all of my own beauty.  Poisons and spe...