Dearly Departed.

Plebeian pleasures that only appealed to me in passing moments, idiots so ignorant that were unworthy of my romance. Your failure to ignite the incandescence of my incense, was enough for me to protest, and forget about your pretense. Rapidly realized that you were not ever all that rare, like a steak well done, your time was over before you could claim that you had won. Failed to stun, although you never left home without your glue gun. Glitter was your weapon, but your love was just a rerun. I chose myself instead, refused to settle for passive aggression and its lack of pleasure. I am a treasure, solid gold; a diamond surrounded by casual, catatonic coal. Carefully consoled, I chose to hold myself in closer context, you exacerbated my existence, punished me with your persistence whilst alienating my own assistance. I am the master, you were the muse, when it's all over, get up and leave; you've been used. I only need me, your impermanence transparent; as you tried to tempt me, as if it were inherent. I have conquered chaos, triumphed typhoons, meandered mountains, and micromanaged the moon. You are a buffoon to think that I would trade it all for you, for someone that consistently bites off more than they can chew. If challenge was your child, it would already be dead; nauseated by knowledge, you chose indolent ignorance instead. I am one in a million, a star in my own right yet with you I falter, and my lustre is never as bright; so for me to settle for someone of your stature should have made me feel outright contrite. Cognition concealed, revelations revealed, it becomes clearer to me with each new day that I was out of your playing field. In a league of my own, I play for one team, and it is mine; I am no longer inclined to feel the need to be perpetually entwined. We may have wined, dined, and reclined only to make me see that I am far too refined, for you. You have been give the pink slip without the option of resign. Today, I only choose me, myself, and I. You are not unlike the dearly departed, as you have been declined.

Medic.

You were my medic as you made the final incision and cut my heart in two. Kept the biggest piece for yourself, the first time you had ever made a decision, now my blood bleeds blue. You doctored the romance, all of it untrue, that made me fall for you. Scalpel sharp, and surgery cold, as you transplanted trust into me, but it was misconstrued. Now I lie waiting in the operating room hoping to be fixed by you; your malpractice resulted in the malignancy of me, which you could never undo. Tremors, shakes, and quivers, ulcers, but somehow your love remains my hunger pain, sprained my trust in you whenever you would stray, but your attention was still enough to make me feel renewed. Now I suffer from the aches of arrhythmia as my heart still beats for you, disengaged from all my favourite places, with my life in dire need of review. My liver threatens to leave me abandoned, yet I still refuse to admit that I have taken to drinking for two. We were a pair that should have never separated; you were like my other lung, now tell me how am I supposed to breathe without you? The psychology of me is not that difficult to comprehend, as I sit and try, and wait in vain to be my own best friend. The blood that courses through my veins, sometimes it feels pretend; all my internal organs failed at once, now that we have come to an end. Serotonin, dopamine have left along with you, the only way for me to feel complete is through medication and its use. With the paintings of my life slightly askew, I find it difficult at times to breathe, instead of seeking out what I know makes me happy, I prefer to remain subdued. With all of your surgical tools, this tumor will be hardest to erase, the emptiness I surround myself with, feels as permanent as a temporary tattoo. I will survive, and find myself in the recovery room ready to remove these bandages and heal, without you, there is still a me; the beauty within me is not something that I should ever conceal. My body refuses to grow cold and wear out simply because my life is devoid of you, this cadaver has nine lives, and on you I only wasted two. Soon enough you will be replaced like all the others before you; painted my world with blacks and greys for you, now only the brightest hues and colours dye my mood.

Chaos.

Your chaos had a melody, that I danced to all day long. The trauma of your design was enough for me to consider losing it all. The recipe of your disaster was the most beautiful song, as I tried to paint with vibrancy to avoid any further falls. The anarchy of your leadership started to flood our town, it took years for me to realize that you would always let me down. Unreliable until the end, I was merely drawn to your disarray; broken now, our looking glass had started to rust, and then decay. Selfish to your core, you were spoiled rotten long before we met, you faltered many times as I forgave countless more, and somehow managed also to forget. You coloured my world with the chaos of your trouble, watched me twist, and turn to your love as my fears ebbed to the surface, and then quickly began to boil, and bubble. Hotter by the second, our saga began too fast, as we raced to reach the finish line, only to lose it all and place dead last. Was it the sorrow behind my smile that our judges saw that made them recoil? Or was it the hostile way in which you led me to my demise; we never mixed, you were the water to my oil. The ingredients of us, devoid of trust, would never have allowed us to reap the fruits of our labour, as we peeled away the superficial layers, it was only evident that we would never be neighbours. So take back your crocodile tears that were as real as you are vain, take back your forced umbrella love, I have always been better off in the rain. Return the efforts, promises that I made that were wasted on you because I was afraid. Now that I have taken the last step to burying your name, I grab ahold of the reins, and with new eyes, new life is breathed into me as I watch you circle the drain.

Chemical Warfare.

The oxygen you provided once is more like poison now, as you slit my throat with overbearing love, and the blood spills out. The doubts fill me throughout like carbon monoxide gas, as I have replaced you with another, join the ranks of the second class. Anthrax awareness alarmed me, as your nitrogen nude nuances neglected my reverie, forcing me to set you fluorine free. The chemicals between us ceased to exist in harmony, drastically decreasing the likelihood of the conception of progeny. Your arsenic, aciduous heart resulted in your reaching out to my lovers past in your time of need, future suitors will take heed, of your pathetic, and pitiful ignoble deeds. You claimed to be comprised of krypton, yet you were hardly a noble gas, you played make believe and had me convinced that you were less than a global ass. Chernobyl, and Hiroshima have recovered better than you, as you are now a no man's land, in a state of disrepair that is worse than the Roman ruins. Like titanium, you formed a coat of hatred around my reactive hydrogen heart, you claimed to be the gold I deserved, but I was only able to find lead once I tore you apart. Lithium salt leery, you were a terrible toy for my mental health, since you've been gone, I have appreciated in value, losing you had the greatest influence on my wealth. Bite your tungsten tongue the next time you feel the need to misinform others of the damage that you claimed that I have done, or prepare for karma and her cobalt crossbow to pour mercury directly into your lungs. Atomic bombs of annoyance were the final acts that set fire to my mind, the argon inside was not enough to reduce the feeling that I was confined. Chemical warfare love that we both received through sexually transmitted mail, endangered, not extinct, I refuse to become a victim like you, I will not let you be the wrong to my right whale. Brave tin soldier that I am, I proved resilient, and I have managed to survive. Your delinquent departure was welcome with open arms, I feel redeemed, and reborn, like radium, I have been revived.

Cards.

Twenty four, three too many for the perfect hand in life's biased game of Blackjack, but just enough to strike back with a well memorized massive attack. I compromised too much of myself to lose it all in one round of Russian roulette, paid the cost to be the best, so return my ante, and retain your bets. I will be victorious, I was born to win, effortlessly notorious, it kills my many critics to encounter my resilience. I am no longer the pawn that kept getting knocked down, but I am the king who gets stronger with each round. You were the black queen; wickedness run rampant through your veins, I was always two steps ahead, immune to your endless games. Attention deficit and as blind as the jaded one-eyed Jack, you may have made Jill take a spill, but I am much smarter than that. You said you would go straight and never stray again but you lied, so this royal flushed you away and watched our future die. I have always been adept at doing too much to fast, similarly, we were over in a blink, it was never meant to last. I was the jack of all trades to your less than ace of spades love, there are no more hearts left to play, now that push has turned to shove. Without any warning, you turned this into a childish game of War, as I stole most of your poker chips, then left you as worthless as a wiley whore. Grow a pair of clubs, before you try again with love, all your cards have now been dealt, continue to play the victim, and watch your potential melt. Your jilted joker and its jest were not enough to save the rest. No longer your dealer, you've been granted your final hand, no cause for celebration, or reason for reprimand. For the last time, I denied your dismaying demands, as disbelief deceived your heart, you were forced to say goodbye to my handstands.

Addiction.

Cocaine covered clouds that would cushion and comfort my falls, have ceased to provide security, through life's many curveballs. Methamphetamine dreams laced with paranoia and delusion, solely fill my world with desolation, and crack ignited confusion. Made Mary Jane my mistress, reached out to her when I was down, with an embrace, one simple kiss, she once was able to make me feel so profound. Ecstasy would take me high, and help me soar, gone are the days now when I was a user, I am drugs' whore no more. Acid trip traps that I used as a means to escape, have lost their ability now, to help me forget the many memories of rape. I was once a jaded junkie living amongst the untouchables of North American society, instead I have turned a new leaf, contrived of clarity, and sobriety. I am no longer a victim, nor a product of my environment, it is in my nature to nurture, or else face extinction, and endangerment. Painkillers and opiates that I once thought would make me immune to pain now provide me with no relief as I pour them down the drain. Alcohol, the great depresser, was supposed to wash my fears away, instead of amplifying my sadness, and making my tears resurface; now they are here to stay. An addiction addled past has made me waste away so fast, as I tossed and turned in my sleepless state only to find the strength within, the fire that will burn to ensure that my life lasts. My unchained melody is the plight that will never set me free, once these boundaries cease to be walls, how will these changes affect my sanity? I am human, hear me roar, victorious until the end, I need to slip as I am fallible but that is the only way that I can mend. I will survive, and prevail, I am the proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes, determination flows through my veins, there will be no more accidents, or self-inflicted sullen slashes. Today, I need to make the promise that I am committed to my cause, there is no more room for relapse, only the open acceptance of my flaws.

Dismissal.

My survival has ceased to be dependent on your fickle, fascist regime. I am number one again now, no longer feel the need to be a part of your team. The tears dried on their own as you failed to appropriately feign support; I run freely now as my airplane has been released from death's arid airport. Tossed aside so you could explore other carnal desires, I was merely your whore. Your two-faced heart can beat for me no more, enjoy your latest conquest who seems to be such a bore. I am passion and he is solely lust, stick with him, and accept my curse; the guilt within will turn your love to rust. I can guarantee that your world will fade to black, once you realize that someone truly genuine is everything that you lack. Christened a killer but baptized a brat, your treacherous deeds will make you fall flat. The bloodred wine that flows through your veins, was frigid, ice cold as it tried to make me irrelevant, then certify me mundane. Unbeknownst to you, your attempts were in vain, for all you accomplished was the hatred, which now permanently resides within my brain. I may deserve your vengeance but I refuse to accept this, sealed with death's dire kiss, you are finally dismissed.

Deeper.

My cancer soaked heart is what led me here, leaving me confused, it is more than I can bare. I have never felt so cheap or used, as I battle my foreign fears. I am the sole cause, the muse, for my own dark despair. Night falls as death threatens to strip me of my soul. I know I should fight harder but to what avail? For your vision of love, my frigid heart still tolls. My fountain of youth, you were my holy grail. Crawling through the dark, I searched for the rabbithole that would lead me back to you. Before my soul accepts its fate, and succumbs to heartbreak's fatal flu. Love is a flesh eating virus that poisons your brain; makes you foolishly see beauty in things that are mundane. I thought that I would break the pattern and put an end to this chain, but instead I pull the plug, you win. Watch my hopes and dreams for us as they circle the drain. I gave you all of me, hopelessly, even things that were solely intended for me. Then toyed with your emotions, demonized you until you had no choice but to exorcise yourself of me and set yourself free. You were a victim of my distorted notion of love, twisted, tossed, and turned until you were forced to seek guidance from above. Queen karma will surely make me suffer for my mistreatment of you or perhaps it is enough recompense for me to watch another reap the benefits of you. Is it me that you think of while he whispers in your ear? Do you think that he has it in him to undo your sadness and then dry your tears? If you can answer yes and attest that I never loved you best. Be my guest, and digress, just remember that my love for you will flow eternal, it is deeper than the rest.

Crossroads.

My indecision has paved two roads; one made with dreams, the other with gold. With each step forward, I further unload and drift farther away from your hands which I so longed to hold. A future filled with you would never be fickle it would be only be sweet, but desire is a demon, it is a two way street. My heart sees only in blacks and whites, no in-betweens, but the hope inside multiplies like forests filled with evergreens. The eternal flame will always burn as I hold your heart in my hand through the falls from which you will learn. I am your friend, an ally, first and foremost as I sit and await your acceptance of me as your loving host. I will possess you like a child in its mothers womb, like kings from long ago possess their luxurious tombs. Toxic waste landfills and radioactive despair line the boulevards of broken dreams that appeared now that you are no longer here. Biohazardous balloons float to the Heavens then pop, blinding my eyes, when will this misery stop? Rearranged in my head are the playgrounds of my childhood that ceased to exist once we became misunderstood. Andalusian avenues that appeared out of the blue made my world grey without the comfort of you. Crystal clear waters coughed chlorine then died, as my actions resulted in all hopes for our future to die. The confused chaotic canker sores that poisoned me have run away but what of it now as the acid rain stays. We could have had it all; the sun, moon, and stars, too. Instead, I stung your eyes like bargain shop shampoo. Like a cancer, this has left me feeling helpless, and frail, as our train derailed, losing its trail. One day in the future our paths will once again entwine but until that day comes, I will take solace in the dreams, like lullabies, in which you never stopped loving me, never stopped being mine.

Superhuman.

Greyer by the minute, your time ages me each day. Ticking hands that repeat to the beat, bringing me closer to decay. In my grave, you will still count down until you no longer exist as well. The time you thought was real was mere fiction, was designed to give you Hell and reap all of its convictions. Those who chose freedom were the ones who truly lived, as they worked hard to receive the love that they would equally give. Father future, frustrated, feigned satisfaction with his class, as some of his students, us particularly, refused to save the best for last. The water keeps on boiling, creating steam throughout the Earth as a layer of fog and mist are born, making the world and its inhabitants forget their self-worth. We could have been heroes, yet we cowered, hoped to never get caught, as we disdainfully claimed the rewards, the consequences that through our actions we had bought. Waste of life, waste of skin but whose glass house can decide? A lot of us were misdirected and then arrived by chance, and petulant pride. Hoping heavily to fit in, and join the others in their oblivious, foolish dance. Little big planet that is enamoured with the sun, moon, and the stars has inspired us to reach our breaking points as our heads fill with dread as red as mother Mars. Growing internally giants or beanstalks could never be this tall. I whisper worry falsely as I always survive my falls. Stronger than the sadness or sorrow that preys upon my soul, I am secretly all that I will ever need to one day be whole. Daily threats of tears that skim the surface of my eyes, although disheartening, will never be enough for me to reject the sun's majestic rise. I will climb the highest mountains, and be faster than the speed of light. Just call me superhuman, the one who will never fail to make it right. I can shape-shift and perform, make you feel at ease. My retractable claws and healing will bring you to your knees. This time won't you save me, your words echo in my ears; in turn, I will run, leap tall buildings, clearing Gotham City of all of your fears. Mind control will make you revere me, I will be your motivation, and your boss. As your lips and hips lose all self-control, your mind will no longer be lost. Walking on water I feel so light and carefree, the wilderness inside is now devoid of life and trees. I have the power to control everything that exists within my land. I can make it rain or snow with just a flick, a twist, of my stormy hands. Magic courses through my veins, it is the beat that makes my bionic heart be real; Tin Man timid as I pretend that I am unable to feel. Writer by day, lifesaver by night as I don my cape and mask. You give me poison, and kryptonite when your support is what I really want to fill my fading flask.

Surrender.

Your coffee stained heart is devoid of caffeine now, as you buried me alive, in your hostility I drowned. Our white sheets have been dyed red, to match the blood that was spilled, yet a flicker of hope remains that this is just another fire drill. Your cauldron of hatred bubbles over, burning me like the sun's apocalyptic flares, though all I ever wanted was for someone, anyone, to be there. Bravery has abandoned me, there is no courage left in my cowardly lion heart, benevolent but broken before we even had a chance to fill the pages of our lives with beautiful art. Stop, this was all a farce, that has left my memories jaded, and scattered so sparse. Your charade will be a hard act to follow, novocaine numb now with a heart that is twice as hollow. My white flag hangs at half-mast in honour of my demise, as crocodile tears sprout, then sting, as they trail down your face, and stain your sorry eyes. My world was in disarray, as it yearned to be your oyster, now I stumble through the streets, staggering as I roister. I berate you for taking me out too deep when I can hardly swim, the chances of us rekindling our romance now are eating disorder slim. I trim the fat hoping to gain insight in good time, putting an end to the cycle now, you were the most maleficent mime. You claimed that you loved me, that you would support my frivolous falls, but in the end your abhorrence for me seeped through making me feel so small. Lower than I have ever been, I shut the door to you, my heart will not be receptive anymore as it refuses to accept that you have dyed it with the blues. My sweet surrender to you led me right into death's hands, so go directly to jail, do not pass GO, you were merely a depiction of a man. Poster of a boy you had me fooled for far too long, please fly away home, and leave me again, this is the end of our love song.

Blues.

The blues inside my soul ebb and flow as they hit the shore. Some days they are light, and I am still able to make it through the night. But the navy and royal blues blind me to the point where I am unsure of what to do. Self-awareness resides within each fibre, every pore; yet my sorrow remains, guilt, not love, will live here forevermore. The performer in me refuses to quit the show, this facade, although old, is all that I have ever known. Unoccupied and as available as if I've made no plans, the fury at my future grows, why do I refuse to become a man? Every breath that I exhale is filled with endless lies, as I attempt to no avail to conceal the sadness in my melancholy eyes. The notes of youth that once remained became frustrated and then faded. As I fight my many monstrous selves from becoming a joke so jaded. I see the light yet refuse to accept that it may save me; instead I avoid the catalysts that may positively change me. This water is poisoned, murky, dark, and dirty brown. I cannot continue to stay lost when I have already discovered the many ways in which I can be found. Delusion hides amid the corridors of the home that I call life, as I search, beg, then plead for a cure to kill my strife. I am my own worst critic, two thumbs down every single time, although somewhere, someone deep inside me convinces me that I am sublime. My mind, my greatest weapon, keeps me safe, and comforts me. But misery loves company, so my demons prevent my mind and heart from finding a way to be happy. I was once so frigid that my heartbeat froze inside my chest. Since then, I have joined the ranks of the emotional, the eerie rest. The tears, they come, and drown my face with gloom, like a flower full of dreams that was too afraid to bloom. The lost little boy inside me holds tighter to his mother's hand, disregarding the many routes that he knows will lead to his promised land. Beguiled, but bespooked, he treads lightly on new feet before encumbering his confidence and with it, self-relief. Yes, I can prosper, and one day feel the breeze, that exists solely within the summer and dances around my knees. Joy will one day come, sliding down the rays of the sun, and that is when I know that I have finally come full circle, when I know that I am my only one. My aquamarine heart cannot decide to be blue or green. So teal it is, as fresh as the Mediterranean Sea, so pure and thus, pristine. Blue, the colour of the tears that streak my face, the same tears that are as desperate as prisoners in search of a better place. The Blue Mosque and the prayers it holds could not hold a candle to my heart, as my moon grows weaker, and slowly betrays its shooting stars. If variety is the spice of life, why do these blues drown me? The indigo ink that's sealed my fate has taken its toll on me. The spirits that linger around my soul have even shunned the shadow I have become as I beseech the universe and God to, once again, make me emotionally numb. Out of sight, out of mind most say, yet this type of cliche has never been enough to save my rainy days. Waterfalls, tattoo tears are as unpleasant as uninvited guests, as they reveal the person inside that is different from the rest. These thoughts race as fast as Olympians aiming to win gold; rarely consoled, they spiral downwards and suddenly spin out of control. Hopeful, yet hesitant as I unravel and unfold; I know without a doubt I will regain my life that you, and the emptiness within had almost stole.

Island.

The shouts and screams subside leaving me cowering in fear, yet realizing it's impossible to find somewhere safe to hide from my troubles so dear. This darkness within me, pitch black as forty days of night, has robbed me of my senses, as I have lost my will to fight. These walls I have built so strong come crashing down leaving me in the wake of their destruction, I stand in my own way, evoking insecurities within, I am my only obstruction, and the cause of my own suffering. In an instant, the security blankets I weave are pulled away, provoking me to find another with the ability to comfort me like the sun's golden, effervescent rays. I search high, and then low, hoping to find a cure or reason, but instead get tossed aside, time and time again as if I have committed the worst kind of treason. I lived my life wrapped inside a bubble of hope that has just burst, the pain, and agony that seep through make me believe that nothing could be worse. Now silence pierces the solace, and serenity of my reverie, as every friendly face turns away from my sullen misery. Sadness lines my silver clouds threatening to create a hurricane of depression, failing to repress, in turn I cannot make an impression. My dreams were once so big, I sailed amongst the stars, now I gasp for air, as I find myself drifting further into space, and closer to mysterious Mars. I tried to be an island, refused help of any kind, but now I see that I am more of an inlet, dependent on rivers, and the oceans, how was I so blind? My breaking push to start heart refuses to beat, leaving me breathless, and naked, running wildly through the streets. My siren wails like a slaughtered siren's ethereal calls, the monsters that lie dormant silently slither in the shadows, and wait until I am fast asleep to begin their crawl. They ravenously eat my confidence, my sense of self lies broken on the floor, yet somehow I remain confused, and in denial when I wake up the next day, feeling as empty as a biblical whore. Dire, dark, and derelict, my future crashes into the shore, like a tsunami's angry waves, there is not a single place that I feel safe anymore. My heart threatens to let out, exhausted once and for all, my final swan song restlessly waits in the green room, anxiously anticipating for its name to be called. Once the tears dry on their own, I thank God that I have survived. Just another day in the life, yet somehow I managed to see a little piece of beauty, and count my blessings, I have never felt this alive.