Vulnerability.

We cut our losses more often than counting our blessings,
hyper-focused on all the wrongs without ever thinking of ways to make it right.
In the first few moments after the storm that was us, I remained silent,
afraid that my heart beating violently inside my chest would explode,
revealing how vulnerable I was right then.
I obsessed about ways to convince you to return, as though
my happiness was dependent on your existence in my life.

I was wrong.

With each hour, the fog clears and I see you for what you really are.
I see the flaws, the scars, then hear the accusations as loudly
as if they were being shouted directly into my ear.
I was never enough,
you were never enough;
we were never enough and that is exactly why we failed.

Moving forward, I will not allow my spirit to break when abandoned
time and time again by someone incapable of stepping up to the plate
and offering support when it is needed, instead of running for the hills,
tail between legs like you did.
Initially, I was desperate, only able to think of you in a positive light
but now I am reminded of the reasons why we would not have survived
even if presented with much simpler circumstances.
I was your first, which justifies your lack of experience in dealing with matters of the heart.

You were so callous, more stubborn than the running bulls of Spain
as you were ever refusing to make amends or attempt to make things good again.
It was me that was always left scrambling to pick up the pieces
that cut me like shards of glass from broken dishes in the kitchen after a domestic situation.
Yet somehow we would find our way back into one another's arms, without fail,
we continued to try to create something from the nothingness that prevailed.

Time after time, I took to alcohol and other poisons
when all I needed was to accept that my spirit was broken and could not heal
until it was free again.
Displaced, it became difficult to comprehend whether I was grieving the loss of you
or relieved that we were finally through
and that the sadness was only there because I had fallen in love with you.

I can now look back and agree it is best we washed our hands clean of the mess that
we repeatedly found ourselves in.
Liberty is worth the loneliness that ebbs and flows,
stronger some days and barely noticeable on others,
when it is as faint as inaudible whispers out at sea.

The freedom to make my own choices again, devoid of judgement
is more valuable to me than remaining deluded,
convinced that you were the reason why I was happy,
an emotion I truly have not known for quite some time.

Happiness was the stranger whose name I knew but
whose face I could not recognize no matter how hard I tried.
I have always known that I can only bend and that I will never break,
for each trip through the streets of love strips me of my desire for intimacy.

Better alone than made to feel ashamed day in and out
for actions that were in the past, best to be honest with myself
and admit that we had moved too fast,
or that our foundation was built too carelessly to ever last.

My guards were not just down but had been obliterated entirely
which served me right for foolishly letting another human being in to the sacred,
sometimes putrid, sanctuary I worked so hard to rebuild.

My fault for falling in love again despite knowing
that love and I were as dangerous a pair as gunpowder and a match;
I always got burned.
My skin charred, I looked disheveled as I crawled out of the destruction left in our wake,
too damaged to even consider repair,
the only viable option is to relocate and start anew.

Surely the wasteland I find myself in now is still better knowing that
I am in control and can either create a magnificent world of beauty
or an abominable monstrosity. It is still more preferable than
the fate we narrowly escaped of watery graves
that would have resulted from remaining aboard our sinking ship.

I inhale strength and exhale hate now as I leave you
and us in the past where we belong,
unwilling to revisit the ghost town that previous versions of us will haunt
until the end of time.

My walls return higher than ever, reinforced with cement and steel now
to prevent any more criminals from getting in;
unchained now, as I embark on a journey to
the new world with no regrets.

I have learned all of my lessons and am now better prepared than ever
for the final test.

I am overcome with relief now that our dying sun has finally set.

Acclimatized.

I was misdiagnosed too many times,
saved myself from all the lies.
Escaped to a far off place
and now I have acclimatized.

I survived the darkest hours,
made it through the worst storms. 
April showers bring may flowers,
soon I'll be back to normal.

Assimilated today,
maybe one day I will know greatness. 
Surround myself with only positive
and now I feel so elated.

Thought that I knew everything
but I barely knew a thing.
Once I accepted this truth,
my soul began to sing.

Buried under avalanches
and even lost at sea.
Volcanic ash surrounded me
until I was a victim of my own misery.

Tornadoes and tsunamis of terror twisted inside of me
but the landslide brought me down, to Earth again.
No longer afraid to falter now that I am my own best friend.

New World Order.

I listen to music and I am overcome with inspiration
that moves my soul and fills me with determination.
Sobriety has been so good to me now that my demons are eliminated.
I just sit back and let the words pour out until I'm proud of my creations.
Venting all of my frustrations now that I am hydrated.
No stranger to torment but ashamed that I became so jaded.
Many moons ago, my life revolved around getting faded.
But now that I've regained control of LIFE, I feel so elated.
Celebrating myself again now that I'm no longer vacant
or running from a lie that became too blatant.
Learning to survive, my virtue of choice is patience.
I just grew so tired of my endless hospitalizations.
Striving for universal elevation, a new level of consciousness in every nation.
Tired of the ignorance, everyone's only concerned with their occupations.
There is no better time than now for our hearts to accept a new vocation.
So let's all put our hands together and pray for exaltation.
Clap your hands and raise your voices for divination.
Now that we've got education, it's our graduation.
So let's open our hearts and say congratulations.

LUPUS.

Autoimmune diseases that mainly affect Goddesses from Venus,
have got me seething, writhing with anger for my aunts, sisters and nieces.
Lupus took an angel from me when she was only twenty-three and I was nine.
I am now filled with rage against a machine that killed one of mine.
AIDS and Arthritis, HIV, and Fibromyalgia,
are weapons worse than guns that can annihilate anyone's nostalgia.
Chronic illnesses of a calibre that create constant pain;
the kind that can conjure up cancerous emotions in the brain.
I will not quit or concede to defeat until there is a cure,
for these crimes against humanity that rob my brothers of their allure.
Once so charming, now disarmed of their desires to stay alive and fight the good fight.
Coughing, wheezing to survive, all throughout the night.
But alas, they soldier on with the kind of will that creates legacies,
for they are armed with strength that could have even defeated Hercules.

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict.

In Judaism, similar to in Islam, a woman must always cover her hair.
Modesty and honour are prevalent throughout both socioeconomic or cultural practices.
Yet the focus is always on the differences, the things that set us apart, mainly based on the right to land.
It has become entirely political, quite quizzical and even hypocritical.
The enlightened powers that be would love to see a change,
in how brothers and sisters show their love for one another.
Instead of war, famine and poverty; why not life, acceptance and liberty?
I, too, was brought up to be a Muslim, however, today, at this moment in time, I can only identify as a humanist.
It pains me to know that two groups of people so identical could forget, so quickly, about the Abrahamic ties of our people.
When Moses pleaded that Pharaoh let his people go, my belief is that they received their promised land but centuries of turmoil and greed have left us in this mess.
Emile Durkheim's conflict theory suggests that this is in-group mentality, us versus them as better or worse than the rest.
Insanity, if you ask me, my own parents taught me to love everybody.
And they were only immigrants in a foreign land or sovereignty, in the seventies,
I'm so grateful to call Canada home, despite all the tragedies I've seen,
I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to experience warlike atrocities.
The bottom line is that I may try as hard as I can to attempt to empathize but I will never understand what makes one more of a man than his or her fellow human being.
I believe in equality for all persons big or small and I pray to God that it won't be long until the walls fall down.
Holy sites like Mecca, Medina or the Wailing Wall belong to anyone with a pulse; all of this exclusivity is sheer nonsense.
But what do I know, I am but a mere lad of twenty six that prefers gnosticism, peace, and Disney flicks.

No More Pain.

By the time I turned twenty seven,
I had already seen two of my Earth angels ascend to the Heavens.
I begged and pleaded but it was all in vain,
fourteen unsuccessful suicide attempts only to be born again.
I racked my brain, played with every poison.
Alcohol and narcotics were my favourite toys. 
Illicit activities no longer linger among my choices.
My drive and desire to stay alive have my soul rejoicing.
I was all ablaze, became a pyromaniac provoking the Gods of fire.
Somehow I was saved from going up in flames.
Never knew how strong my ambition was until my soul almost retired.
Now I am fighting harder than ever before to save my name.
Electrified and even electrocuted by taking wires in my bathwater.
But then I caught myself slipping when I remember my sisters' daughters.
I will never again attempt to play like I'm a sacrificial lamb destined for slaughter.
Instead, I will reinvent myself with my own laughter
so that I can drink from the fountains of youth in the sweet hereafter.

I AM.

I'm a nondenominational superstar, interfaith intergalactic explorer,
multilingual extraordinaire, soon to be a billionaire.

I'll share my fortune with the world, and give to all the boys and girls.
For what good are strings of pearls, if they're tightly curled in my own hand?

I will execute some genius plans.
Oh! It'll be magnificent, when I feel so brilliant and rediscover my resilience.

I know it won't come easily, so I'll fight my way through the misery,
pray to God for a treasury, to spread throughout the seven seas.

I can do anything I put my mind to, rescue the endangered animals, too.
Like King Solomon, I'll have many zoos where no creature or person will feel blue.

I just need time to get humble, peel myself off of the ground on which I've stumbled,
raise my voice so I don't mumble, increase the bass and treble so we can mambo.

We just have to work together, strive for Utopia, forever.
And let the dust settle, so that we can stay out of trouble.

Let the past stay where it is, focus on a whole new world of pleasures,
unbeknownst to mankind today and hope with all our hearts it stays.

Meaning of Life.

Not riches, not gold but unconditional love (externally & internally), to have a life companion to share in the happiness with; life, liberty, respect and dignity. To see the glass in and of itself, whether it's full or not. Genuine smiles, kindness, mindfulness of all creatures, big or small, to right one's own wrongs, confidence, security, and hospitality. Faith that things will work out, as they always do. Actions, which speak much louder than words. To have a basic comprehension of the antecedents that lead to behaviours and result in consequences. To understand that it takes a village to raise a child and to always live in a manner that reflects this i.e. behaving appropriately around children and modeling positive behaviour. To stay loyal and true to the people that have done the same for me. To avoid undermining authority, and to honour thy mother and father, if they are honourable; turn the other cheek, if they are not. To relinquish thy ego so as to live humbly and peacefully. To stand on one's own two feet so that we can then help others, as charity begins in the home. To treat our bodies like temples and our minds as sanctuaries. PACE IS THE TRICK.

Without You.

Too many break-ups now, don't think we can make up.
How I wish it wasn't over, I wanted to grow older, with you.
With you, everything made sense, wanted a crib with a white picket fence.
Loved how you could end my sentences, like you were inside my head.

But now that you've left my heart feels so vacant, with a no vacancy sign,
closed for business 'til the end of time.
I kick myself now for not appreciating you when you were mine.
Our love was the greatest, we were the best team.

From sun up to sun down, you just consumed me.
I took it all for granted, with you.
With you, I hate myself for taking my eyes off of the prize.
But I have to learn to let go, see we failed even though we tried so hard.

Too many times now, I turn to my left at night
only to find emptiness in place of you.
I just yearn to feel your breath next to me, it was so comforting.
So often I imagine what you're up to and wonder if you're thinking of me too.

It's difficult to accept that I am not with you.
With you, I felt beautiful and new.
Difficult to deny that I didn't let you down,
that I was there when you needed to find solid ground.

You and I were so close to perfection, although we both felt deprived of affection. \

I just believed that you and me and
you and I and
we and us and
you plus me
could be together for all of time.

How naive of me to think it would all be fine.

With you, with you, without you now,
I must learn how to survive and let you fly.

Without you, I will stay alive but changed having felt our love.
So pure, so strong, nothing new could ever compare to you and I.
Without you, I take the reins and set off in a new direction, transformed by you
as I lick my wounds and say goodbye.

This love is my drug, my disease that refuses to grant me reprieve or
release as I feel I am covered in fleas.
I pray to God to appease me and wash away the pain I'm in,
so covered in sin because I still love you and I am suffering.

I clench my teeth in regret, so desperate
as I watch my emotions circle the drain,
running away from me again,
out of control and all in vain.

Like poison, they infect my brain,

I just want to be with you, just me and you,
so free and new. No longer blue
but fiery reds and Earthy greens.
I don't know why you need to be so mean,
when you have always been so dear to me.

I fear that we will just remain in this Purgatory,
strangers now though we have so much chemistry.
Love like this should not be history,
I miss when you were so good to me, the oxygen that I needed to breathe.

Oh how I am drowning now, without you here,
as I am forced to learn how to be on my own.
Loneliness is no stranger to me now that I am all alone.
Each day we created new memories that haunt me now so desperately.

With you, with you, without you now,
I must remember how to be the fighter that I am. 
As we are no longer entwined or hand in hand.

Without you by my side, it all feels so mundane.
Oh how I wish that I could just have one more night with you in my arms again.
It drives me insane, has me seeing your face everywhere that I look.
No room for anyone else now that love shall remain a closed book.

I only crave your lips, your scent that would
always linger on my fingertips.
Time was supposed to help heal all wounds
but these ones remain open and can only be fixed by you.

Without you now, I live a lie, each minute spent trying
to convince myself that you and I were just my imagination.

That there is no fascination that has me
unable to think of anyone else in the same way.
Hoping that I can pray you away, keep up with forgetting you until you fade away.

Without you now, I am my own best friend.
So that I never fall or break or bend or feel this way again.

Unwilling to let anyone in or for
my walls to fall the way they did with you.

With you and without you the lines are so blurred
that I am confused for I still love you more than anything else
I've ever known or encountered.

Without you now, I remain at home devoid of anyone to share my throne with.

I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you...but I want you.

Sorrowful.

I behaved in such a way that fills me with so much shame.
I slandered your reputation and tarnished both our names.
You asked for nothing but honesty and I just played foolish games.
Now that I am alone, so alone, I have to accept the blame.

Sorrowful now that I have no idea what tomorrow holds.
I chose to go astray instead of following your road to Rome that was paved with gold.
I claimed I wrote the book, my ego got in the way and I lost control.
Threw my arms up in frustration, didn't stick around to see how our story would unfold.

I spit on my past now as I cannot let it dictate our future.
Pretended that there were other qualified suitors,
but that was just a lie, a figment of my own imagination.
My wounds refuse to heal, only your hands can do up the sutures.
I close my eyes and cry for all I see is your picture...it's haunting me.

Possessed now as you're the one that loved me best.
I confess now that you're the one that stands taller than the rest.
Detest how I made you suffer through my worst.
But it's true how, I said I would always put you first.

Every day now, without you, feels like too many hours too long.
As I sit and daydream about you; then I sing you silly songs.
You were the closest I had ever come to perfection. 
Now I patiently await our love's resurrection.

Sorrowful now that I have no idea what tomorrow holds.
I chose to go astray instead of following your road to Rome that was paved with gold.
I claimed I wrote the book, my ego got in the way and I lost control.
Threw my arms up in frustration, didn't stick around to see how our story would unfold.

Amore, tu sei mio vita, te amo...
forever. I imagine us together, in Sicily
or strolling through the sands of Positano.
You brought colour to my life just like the Cinque Terre.
So elegant like in Milano.
In Napoli, we could eat gnocchi.
Just say you'll always be my blueby.

Sorrowful now that I have no idea what tomorrow holds.
I chose to go astray instead of following your road to Rome that was paved with gold.
I claimed I wrote the book, my ego got in the way and I lost control.
Threw my arms up in frustration, didn't stick around to see how our story would unfold.

Bluebies.

Love in all its magnificence can fill even the darkest spaces with light.
Genuine adoration and affection often warm the coldest nights.
To truly admire another knowing they feel the same, can satisfy even the most insatiable hunger pains. The stars and satellites in the night sky remind me only of your face, and when I lay my head down to sleep, I imagine you are right here with me.
Your eyes still sparkle behind my own, as your voice lulls me into my reverie.
There is nothing, no love in this world, like that between you and me.
Soon, you'll fly around the world, your dreams are taking flight.
I just clasp my palms so tightly and pray that soon we can begin our life.
I am yours eternally, together we can save the world.
With my childlike innocence and your heart as delicate as the finest pearls.

REMember Me

Last night, I slept without the need for dopamine. 
My reverie was filled with dreams of you and me.
Sweet serotonin slumber made me feel like it was summer.
You possess my every thought, my heart beat's a guitar and you are the drummer.
So in love, I need no pills now that I welcome my REM state with open arms.
Wrapped up in you, I'm safe from harm.
What I wouldn't do to have you next to me.
Just please promise not to forget, but instead remember me.
What good is nor-epinephrine if your heart is restless,
who needs to feel secure or happy if there's no one to share it with?
I claim to want to be alone just so nobody knows,
how my nights are filled with your caresses, your smile is my home.
My amygdala is where you reside, with all my pain put away, only pleasure remains.
I long to hear your voice, how I wish on all the stars that you were near.
Separation is too great a punishment, I fear.
I gave you something old, something borrowed and blue. 
New things even, as a promise I'll stay true.
One day, in the future, I know we'll reunite.
But until then, I pray our flame still burns as bright.
Just don't break my soul or heart any more, the damage is done.
Please promise not to forget, but instead, remember me.

God Particle

In Switzerland, the scientists created a God particle,
claiming that the creator could be made in a laboratory.
Interesting to say the least but what about faith that brings me to my knees?
The belief that I am but a mere speck in history?
Sacrilege and blasphemy often go hand in hand.
Ignorance, however, is not bliss;
I wish this was a concept more of us could understand.
Wanting to be first and best has always been mankind's demand,
resulting in conflicts throughout the world's holy lands.
I am an unholy man; done things in my short time here
that I am too ashamed to admit.
But now I plead the fifth as that glove no longer fits, so please acquit.
Changing as I grow older, evolving as I defeat my bad habits.
I vow from here on out to solely speak the truth. 
A car although a vehicle can also be a photo booth.
Slowly but surely conquering my demons, my anxieties are soothed.
It is but meagre recompense for behaving like Ebenezer Scrooge.
But I am not a stooge even if my hair is Curly, not Larry or Moe,
as I regain my footing trying to recount all that I know.
No more pain or fear, I surrender and accept to reap all that I have sown.
Lo and behold, take in my stance as I put my lips together and blow.
Hail Mary, full of grace and forgive me father, for my sins.
Grant me the courage to accept the things I can'tchange.
Let me be secure in my identity so that I can, once again, know serenity.
Guilt and shame so often get the best of me,
so please just let me do me as I forget so quickly 

about life and liberty in my pursuit to be happy.