Regression.

Regression, often my greatest weapon when I feel defensive cheapens my thrills and makes me immune to confession.  I crawl into another layer of skin to avoid the sinking feeling that I am covered in sin then build my castle walls higher to prevent myself from caving in.  Instead of learning the lesson that lies in front of me, I choose to circumflect and tip toe around the misery.  Regret comes when you fail to learn from your mistakes, repeating the same patterns that result in getting burned at the stake.  Wise beyond my years, my foresight ensures that I bend but never break yet something beneath the surface aches to put an end to the artificiality of being fake.  Obsessing day and night about the changes that I need to make, perpetually planning and calculating ways to protect myself from heartbreak.  Midnight falls accompanied by the clarity I crave, I rant, I rave although I do not take the steps to see that my soul is saved.  I age backwards, racing counter clockwise to gain security, there is method to my madness as I am running to spare myself from obscurity.  I run faster then jump higher traveling back to the time that I was carefree, breathe deeper, laugh harder as it becomes clear that I am really only running away from  me.  Haunted by my past and frightened by my future, my present is my pride provoking prize but I keep tearing out its sutures.  Living in three places at once creates chaos and confusion, as I must seize the day and stop living in my head assuming that it will cushion my falls and clear away contusions.  I need to remind myself that I am only human, infallible and often accident prone though I have thrived for so long expecting my best without being cognizant of the misdeeds for which I have yet to atone.  So no more turning ticking time's hands backwards as I retract further into my shell, I can no longer romance regression's sultry spell that has sent me spiraling towards my own personal Hell.  Onwards and upwards I march towards higher ground, lost no more I have regained the strength that will slowly save me from myself and ensure that I am found.

Hunger Games.

Crimson not just scarlet letters take this house and taint its poorly painted walls, as you continue to hide behind your defences and blame me for all of our falls.  I made the decision long ago to stop being a victim yet society keeps thinking that I am unhappy.  How much more time do I need to spend convincing them to let me be?  Traveled far and wide to realize that love truly comes from within, but then they act as if loving thyself is just a sin.  Tired of fighting for your affection in these silly hunger games, you need to play right to keep my attention or I will soon forget your name.  The predator has become the prey as I feel myself growing weak between the knees, count my blessings daily in the hopes of gaining much needed release.  Tossed and turned throughout the night as your words were ringing in my head, replaying every conversation to listen to all the things that were left unsaid.  Experience not maturity  has taught me how to bite my acidic tongue, as I retrace the steps that led me here and left us both so high strung.  Ready as I will ever be to embark on a journey to discover your beauty, much to my chagrin I am showered with reprimand as if it were my duty.  Many efforts were in vain yet I refuse to let them deter me, just dust myself off before I try again, I will remain determined.  I may bend but I will not break, resilience courses through my veins, as I try harder once again to protect my heart using my brain.  Love and its liabilities are just minor thorns in my side, I am stronger than I have ever been, I cannot be defied.  The fire in my eyes burns furiously now, I have reaped what I sowed and survived with my dignity in tow.  

Hope Floats.

I used to think that hope solely floated amidst silver lined clouds, made up by dreamers to keep us fighting for the things that made our hearts beat loud but now I know that it exists, relieved of all my doubts; I can finally breathe again made more resilient by my many shouts.  Growing up not down is more complex than the cycles of the sun, learning to walk now that all I have ever known to do is run; had my share of ups, downs and a lifetime's worth of fun, I am quickly becoming the man I have always had inside, I am the one.  No longer intimidated by the person that I was meant to be, the smile on my face is here to stay as I am truly happy, reflecting on the prisoner I was, so prone to aggression, makes me count my blessings now that I have decided to remain free.  Patience, like a stranger to me, has locked itself in my house and thrown away the key, I now strangely think before I speak, refusing to retaliate or act spitefully whenever I am feeling weak.  Humbled by humility, I am no longer vain or callous, every turn receives another, as I made a conscious decision to disassociate myself from maleficent malice.  Success has once again become an option though for the longest while it seemed selfish and futile, self-awareness seeps in supplying me with the strength to know which battles are worth fighting and which are best won with a simple beguiling smile.  Encompassed with new insight, I have lost the desire to fight but instead regained my voice that suddenly speaks words that fill even the darkest days with the brightest light.  The pain inside was once greater than the will to change, suffocating with the walls caving in I sought a scapegoat to point the finger at instead of accepting the blame.  Acceptance, my greatest lesson has blessed me with the ability to swallow my pride and break ties with my ego which grew weak from hunger and then slowly died.  The oceans of tears I cried have long dried up and turned into tries, naivety blindly led me to wreak havoc and destruction, my tumourous tantrums transgressed into tremors which shook the world leaving me volcanic and always on the brink of eruption.  Sorrow was the much needed interruption that put an end to the assumption that I was not even fit to be abandoned or abducted.  Clarity and new eyes helped me become enlightened and see the errors of my life, equipped with a better understanding of the conflict between boy and man that raged inside, I managed to gain a greater sense of determination to ensure that my future is devoid of strife.  Floating blissfully now above the world knowing that salvation has finally come, I am happy that I have always held on to hope and now march in rhythm to the beat of its divine drum. 

Roses.

Now privy to the knowledge that kisses from roses taste sweeter than the rest, you have made me blossom like a cherry tree in spring, and shown me that real love can make a man feel better than his best.  Daisies and daffodils I have had many on my long and jaded quest, but the sweet embrace of us fulfills my secret garden more poignantly than the others, I must confess.  My water slakes your thirst as your oxygen breathes new life into me so beautifully, enamoured I feed hungrily as I promise to sustain you just as dutifully.  You have ended the drought that filled my world with weeds, making me feel so dark; like a gardener, you cleansed the soil around me that was slowly beginning to poison my heart.  Like art, I am the painter and you are my canvas, I take your hand in my own longing to chase away your fears and prevent you from ever again feeling anxious.  Our tulips bow blissfully, prostrating in submission to the passion that overflows from my cup into yours; I am not a prophet yet somehow I knew that you would quickly become the centre of all the things that I adore.  Like manna from Heaven, one look from you is enough to leave me feeling satisfied and in a daze, I am no sycophant although it seems I cannot shower you with enough praise.  I was predisposed to failure and programmed for defeat but then you came along and swept me off my feet.  I feel the happiest I have in a while now that love has added vibrancy and colour to my otherwise dull, deserted streets.  Your blue eyes have dyed my soul, you are now all that I long to breathe or see.  I promise to always be around when you are sad, lonely or unhappy.  Together, we will make the most beautiful art, as the chemistry between us is ethereal and off the chart.  Beguiled from the start, it seems that we are running faster than we can, you have possessed my heart, and you are now my number one hunger pain.  Tied together with a smile, I took an inch as you ran miles around me, capturing me in your entirety. Darkness will be conquered and soon make way for light, nourish me with your harvest, revive me of my sight.  Your fragrance dances with me, and each time I am reborn; jasmine and lavender hide in shame, for you have succeeded where they were forlorn.  I am clay inside your hands, do with me as you please; I am grateful for this journey we are embarking on, that will help us soar to great heights and then send us sailing across the seas riding the breeze.   I will not neglect you and will tend to you each and every day, just as long as you continue to ensure me through your actions, and not just words, that you are truly here to stay.  

Somewhere.

Filled with new light and perspective, I no longer feel the need to be so defensive as I realize that idle talk is just cheap while the refusal to achieve my goals comes at a price that is more expensive.  My heart is once again open as my smile has ceased to be so pensive.  Yet somehow you still deny that I have altered, still act though I tripped, stumbled, and faltered.  Right as rain, I have changed; grown as tall as the redwood trees.  While you have merely remained a name wistfully whispered by their leaves' lonely breeze.  Unnerved and at ease, my spirit sails amongst the stars as it silently reflects on how I have travelled so far.  Crossed heartbreak hotels which were the homes where I once lived.  Happier now than ever before now that I am finally growing up; I am no longer just a kid.  Yet somehow you still deny that I am wise beyond my years.  Hold on to the notion that I am still haunted by my fears.  You refuse to accept that I am blissfully blessed.  You would only love me if I had remained vulnerable and undressed.  Success is right around the corner now as I have started to rightfully reap what I sow.  I hold on tighter to my dreams of destiny, relinquished the worst that composed the rest of me.  Yet somehow you still act as if I am a pawn in your charmed game of Chess.  Believe that I am weaker than the values in the west.  I will rise again, as I am not a flightless bird, accept that I have learned from the endless obstacles that I have endured.  Another day, another dollar, you drift away and then get smaller.  Shrinking faster than you can run, I just wish I could say that it was fun.  You blew it before you knew it, bit off more than you could chew.  Acted like I would not make it, now it's your life that is somehow subdued.  Yet somehow it is still my fault that your life stands at a hallow halt, somehow you claim I am the one, the moon, that has eclipsed yourshallow sun.  I am the ruler, my kingdom is no longer weak.  My sorrow has been undone, it and you are now antiques. Yet somehow, somewhere, over the rainbow, you and I may once again, find ourselves dancing cheek to cheek. 

Life's a Beach.

Acceptance, like a silent blessing swoops in and ensures me that I will see an end to my suffering.  Like the light at the end of my tunnel, hope floats towards me as I take hold, no longer worried that my life will forever be filled with trouble.  I now stop to smell the flowers, surprised that they can still smell so sweet, although I am more conscious yet comfortable with the fact that I am flying solo down a one way street, I know deep inside that it will not result in my death or defeat.  No longer filled with malice or deceit, I have made the decision to practise what I perpetually preach, as I sit in the lotus position, begin my meditation, and prepare myself to assist others with the knowledge that fills my cup, then overflows, each and every week.  Callous complaints that once coexisted with cockiness inside my heart no longer provide me with a false sense of relief, I am growing taller, and stronger every day as I become aware of the king that resides within, the same one whom I had once mistakenly believed was merely a thief covered in sin.  I am testament to the fact that humans have an innate ability to change, I hold firm to my beliefs that being an individual in a society of sheep does not need to be strange, or seem deranged.  Rearranged, with everything in its right place, I put my best foot forward as my make-up crumbles to the ground and reveals my right face.  True to the tests of time, I have observed that what goes down must come up as similarly as one can only ascend when they feel like their life has reached its end.  The impermanence of objects although attributed to infants is a truth that I have witnessed in all of its magnificence.  I refuse to return to the realm of self-righteousness or superficiliaty when I have seen that the best things in life are really free.  As free as my soul that hovers above me, watching blissfully, content for once for what it finally sees.  I crawled through life for so long, ignoring the wings that I had been born with that would have assisted when I needed to leap over my obstacles that sometimes felt like walls, which led me to question how I ever survived with a mind that remained narrow and simultaneously small.  Who knew that happiness would make me feel so light, unburdened by ailments, illness, or pretentious plights, I set sights on my destiny which finally feels within my reach.  Spring has helped me blossom like the cherry tree, as I now see that life can be as peaceful as the sun setting on an isolated, sandy beach.

Serene.

Sober never seemed like it could ever be so serene, until I was taken outside of myself and forced to accept that all that glitters is not necessarily as beautiful as it might seem.  Purified perspective points me in the right direction and paints a picture of a person that I thought long ago had abandoned me and set out to create mass internal destruction.  No longer coveting all things covered in the colour black, as I fight back, feeling renewed, more confident in my ability to avert others' acidic attacks.  I am not a sheep yet for so long I got lost amongst a failing flock, I am actually Bo Peep, the solo shepherd who controls the block.  Removed from my resources, I found the greatest gift of all, resurrected, stronger than ever, no longer weak enough to slip or fall.  Once again, I can see the light that had died behind my eyes, assured that I have become someone that I can love, instead of the social pariah I was, that I despised.  I am ready to take on any challenge, no hurdle will seem too high, as I prepare myself for the greatest battle of all and set out to defeat the evils that attempt to lead me astray at night.  Three weeks is all it took to make me count my blessings, for me to realize that I have been blessed with all the best things.  To rant, rave or cry about the problems that I had now seems like the weakest choice, as I have come face to face with a society that shouts but has no voice.  Fortunately, for me, I come from a land where I am granted liberty, integrity, and dignity; where humans have value and are not transient vagabonds walking the streets and paid in pity.  I am stronger now than ever before, ready as I will ever be to spread my wings and soar, dejected no more, I plan to be the man that I adore and lead myself to victory, in my own personal revolutionary civil war.