Dope Show

Sleep eludes me as I sit and think of new ways to forget your name. The days blur into one, oblique and grey while our last memories catch fire and slowly take flame. I can recall the time when your name tasted sweet, melting on my tongue as I floated dazed throughout the streets. I silently assuage my hunger as I plunder the world in search of another lover with whom I can share the benefits of being love's elite. Discreetly, I tear out the pages of my memoir that alluded to the years I spent pretending that you made me feel complete. Our tenure expired as we came to terms and realized one another's services were no longer required. Undesired, our unkempt entreaty rarely felt Heaven sent. Unburdened of your ignorance, I can see land in the distance and know my salvation has come. Like spiced rum that I need to abstain from, I can no longer slake my thirst whilst playing make believe and falsely agreeing that you were the one that loved me first. The eye of the storm has passed and through the worst, my star bursts creating a cacophony of beauty that beams in your night sky. I sit and I patiently observe my fasts as I wait for my wings, once again, and prepare myself to fly. I take life's reins into my hands, denying you the control that you would demand and reroute my plans to find success and triumph in Cannes or some other land. The grapes of my wrath have disappeared, replaced by a calm, collectedness that soothes my soul like the summer breeze that whispers words of wisdom into my ears, obliterating the fears that barraged the world with hurricanes of tears. My final act called for humility, as I accepted that alas it is always better to have loved and lost. I undo the shackles that bound me to you, the ones that made me vulnerable, then vain like a power hungry boss. Momentarily derailed, my train stops to refuel as I gather my wits amidst the damage and destruction of a love that failed to make me commit. I reach out and touch faith, finding myself with each new step taken in a direction that leads me closer to my dreams. No longer afraid of failure or your demonic regime, I relinquish my ego and let my softer side take control. Silently serene as I am free from enduring the intricacies of your extremes, liberated from the imprisonment of my bones. You caged my heart in your ribs, enraging me at the scent of your cologne. I have been granted a second chance at life, pardoned of my sins and strife. Degraded, your show ends as a lonely masquerade, while my crusade continues, ensuring my reign, no longer afraid. We could have been so good together and enjoyed the beautiful weather, as we gazed into one another's eyes. Instead I realized I had to let go as our love was not quid pro quo; it had grown obscure as it refused to function anymore. As our battles continued, and arguments transitioned into resorted blows, I ran; never wanting to look back at the something from nothing jungle that now grows where we acted out our personal dope show. I am a star in my own right, you are damaged goods, baggage strewn across your floors as if from dynamite. I have escaped from your Alcatraz, as I poignantly create the most melodious jazz. Solo now, I hope you reap what you had sowed. I disavow your existence as I take my final bow. The curtains close on my victorious face, the love I had for you has since been long replaced by the greatest love of all; my own self love, which I have happily embraced. Defaced, I take your pictures out of their frames. Maimed, you were the least skill provoking Chess game that I ever played. I plunge deeper into loathing and pitying your smile, your style contrived as I was the one that made you so versatile. I have turned a new leaf, you are just a strand of grass. Please do not harass my reverie, let me dream and sleep in peace as you come to terms with and learn to accept the painful concept of being surpassed. Like the rose that grew from concrete, our parting was sorrowfully bittersweet, your disdainful deceit so indiscreet guaranteed that our song would never play again nor could it ever repeat. You have been the victim of my chaotic smile, anarchy has come, yet you feign ignorance and surprise upon witnessing that I am hostile. I gave you all of me, monogamously, you should have had faith in me until the end. Watch as we wither away, wilting like the money that you refuse to relieve from your clammy hands to spend. Short circuited love has electrocuted my soul for good, my name has been tarnished by your residue. My legacy will always be misunderstood, not because of the poison you instill in others' minds, but because of the venom that hides within the kiss that you imbue. Swallow me then spit me out, I devoutly shout from the mountain tops, wanting it to be known that you were the ether that dyed my soul black. You poured gasoline into my heart as I realized that you were the gift that I should have given back. As we depart, it becomes clearer with each pained breath that I take, my greatest mistake was falling for your heartbreak love right from the start.

Goodbye

Persistence is futile if it never pays off, like a bad cough, failure never seems to disappear. Through the tears, I realize that the damage is already done. I forgot to look out for number one once again, then let my guard down only to be left out in the rain. You hung me out to dry without the slightest bit of respect, I should have been more guarded, in retrospect. If I had protected my emotions, it could have been perfect. I wore my heart upon my sleeve, naive from the start and got tangled in the web of lies that you weaved. I hold the short end of the stick in my star-crossed lover hands, I chose to be stupid and give into your demands. Like a pregnancy unplanned, you blessed me with your kiss and then slipped through my fingers like sand. Your salacious spider bite filled my wicked veins with venom, I thought your skin was soft like fleece until it burned me and I realized that it was denim. I should have seen through your disguise when you cut me with your cowardice. The ultimate wolf in sheep's clothing, you have become the victim of my spontaneous self-loathing. The stench of dated desperation lingers in the air, as I toss and turn throughout the night and wonder how my soul has become so bare. I grin and bear it as I stridently strive to reach new heights, yet the desire to be wanted remains the sole uplifting force that flies my kite. I persevered like the nomads that travel the deserts full of heat, only to be objectified again and treated like a piece of meat. I choose solitude even if it comes with a hefty price, I will retrain my lungs to breathe for themselves, no longer in need of your support nor your halfhearted advice. I relinquish my ego here and now, you can have what's left of me. Like the gypsies that wander the world, travelling so free; I will set out in search of my soul on the shores of the Adriatic Sea. Once I have arrived, you will see the beauty that you lost. Deprived of sustenance, you will see that you have crossed the wrong path. My burning wrath has wreaked havoc on many a soul before. You could have reaped the benefits of my olive tree but instead you opted to make me your whore. Used and abused but I have no bruises to show, although I might be singing the blues. You have broken me, but I am as resilient as they come, I will numb my heart and soul, refusing to beat my own drum. You will cower in fear once you succumb to the pressures of society; I am the alpha and omega, the highest deity. I will make you regret your disrespect as I bestow you with my pity, my integrity in tact, I will control cities. Through this whole trivial ordeal, I have learnt to conceal my remorse. As I finally take my place and prepare to fly from a wasted opportunity gone awry. I steal one last glance into your deceitful eyes, and there resides the strength needed to say my final goodbye.

Winner.

When I was young, I always imagined a life where time would be on my side. Not just a social construct, but a friend in which I could confide. I have come to realize that life is not always so kind, it will shut you out when you have already been maligned. I envisioned a future full of riches and glee, one in which I would be able to provide for my family. But now I see that I chose the wrong path, I could have chose righteousness but instead I chose wrath. I would cry if I could but it is often much too hard, so instead of taking action, I just sit and wish on shooting stars. I hope for redemption, for a day to come, where I can take charge and live large under the stars. If I had a dollar for all the dreams I hide inside, I would never have to worry about how I am going to provide for the life I could be living that I have denied. If only I had tried, then maybe life would be more giving. Instead I choose to fail; success is rarely an option in my weary heart, so frail. I cower in shame and conceal my ambition; procrastination is the kiss that always seals my fate. Irate, I set out to show myself that I am my soul's only mate. I had dreams but they were just clouds in my coffee so black; I would have reached my full potential if it wasn't for my pain. The rain falls hard, drowning me in a world of sorrow; I still have tomorrow to seek and find a shoulder that someone will lend or let me borrow. I do not have much to offer other than my broken heart; I just hope it is enough and that you do not depart. My callous disposition has led to my demise, as the sadness concealed deep within my eyes ruins my optimistic disguise. I would have taken over the world like royalty from the past, if only I had realized that my confidence could last. Instead I roam the world searching for a helping hand, but seem to only find happiness when it is written in the sand. My wishes collide with the stars that shoot into my heart, as I seek further guidance and find myself displaced like the items in a shopping cart. I am a mere shadow of the self that I could be choosing to deflect and reject life's satisfaction guarantee. I hope to one day locate the joy that my soul deserves to feel, just as long as the universe gives me a reason to stop having to conceal. My thoughts, ambitions, and emotions are never enough for the ones that are self righteous, as they always seem to call my bluff. I pray to be redeemed and summon the strength that I know I have inside, as long as the fury within yields and begins to subside. The self destruction that occurs is often not within my control, as I am merely lonely and yearning to have someone to hold. The past few toxic years have shown me that I need to trust and love thyself, before allowing myself to be oppressed and placed upon another's shelf. I am a work in progress, a book that is yet to be published and read; my blood has turned to wine, as my body is your bread. I need to pick up and resume, refusing to let the remnants of my sanity be consumed with grief, as I pray to the Gods above to wash away my pain and fill me with relief. The tragedies of my life are long gone and no longer set in stone, as my sins have all been paid for, and no longer need to be atoned. I wipe my tears on my sleeve hoping to receive a reprieve; no longer naive I can finally believe in the wonders of the world and all that I can achieve. I just need to hold your hand until I find my way back home; my heart is fragile and needs to be restored like the Coliseum in Rome. I hold my breath as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; sullen and silent as my breadth gets you high like crystal meth. My fears wait amongst the sidelines, yearning to be called upon to play; please pray for me as I return from being led astray. I have cried for the last time, stronger with each new sun as I strive harder to return to the top of my game and take the lead as number one. I am a natural born winner, I have won each battle from the onset; forever a threat to your esteem, I will be the answer when you forget that I have always reigned supreme. Screams fill the air as I cross the finish line, the product of my own revolution, I have added method to madness and corrected my flawed design. Refined, I resign from my post at your pretentious picket fence, and I am grateful to the Lord above that I am finally cured of the scent of my own insipid and immoral, insecure incense.

Everest

As a new moon fell on my sleepless nights, a fresh flame ignited in my heart as I discarded of your memories and turned off the never ending white lights. I spent a fortnight berating myself for being contrite, I regret not leaving sooner and tasting freedom on my tongue. No longer innocent although I have managed to stay young. Refusing to succumb once more to your chains that made me numb. I triumphed and endured all the pathetic ways that you attempted to push me further into your insecure little cage, I rebelled against your oppression as I trembled with rage, disengaged as I waged wars against myself to gain the world. You were audacious to think that I would stick around and let you win just because I slipped, then fell and accidentally let you in. Your laboratory rat no more, I am free to experiment of my own devices. Like a child in a candy store, my senses indulge in the vibrant colours and various spices. I have finally found the strength to escape from your oppression; stripped bare as I undress myself from your love for the last time. My new eyes revealed a path devoid of wrath and filled with suitors that would shower me in kisses and respect. I am no longer shipwrecked but safe and sound as I feel my clock reset as my life has finally unwound. My inner voices are resounding, calling me to abandon ship and release the anchor that is you. You held me back from all that I could have been, hid me behind your velvet ropes, then laughed wickedly as you burnt my skin. I could have been sailing around the seven seas instead of rotting and decaying from the symptoms of your tyrannical social disease. You were the detour I had to take to find myself again in the bluest eyes and skies. Your lies were the seeds that helped me grow and say my rehearsed goodbyes, only to leave and find love under a more worthy sunrise. The new rays of heat that warm my face and bronze my skin are reminiscent of paradise, my own Eden within. I unlocked the secrets that you refused to reveal to me, kept out of reach behind your heavy lock and key. You were the poison while he is the potpourri; your smell is toxic, while mine will always stay sweet. Forced to find the answer to the questions you always neglected to ask, loving you was the most despicable and laborious task. I can see the horizon in the distance and it is more breathtaking when you are not in sight; delighted, my heart beats in anticipation for another's scent tonight. At last, I have scaled my Everest, fumbling further towards ecstasy with each whispered word shared in my latest love affair. Blessed, I have arrived to claim my throne among the best, leaving you in the past with your pitiful Napoleon complex. I laugh vindicated as I watch you spiralling towards your long awaited demise, as you realize that it is true, and always you my eyes despised.

Exhale

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You are the moon that bows down at night to kiss my cheek, and the rays of sun that comfort me throughout the week. I know all this and still, I feel life's ropes pulling me away from you. Logic and reason reign supreme over emotions and lust, as I climb further up the ladder, hoping to be rescued from your torturous love. I know that I must leave as I am no longer your muse, hurt by the lies and deceit you concealed within your sleeve. It took me too long to realize that I had been fooled. Your caresses were just lies and I was your mule. Used like a tool, I ran for the hills, ashamed and irritated for my heart that I spilt. I poured it out to you, filling vials with this naive, and unconditional love. Instead, you continued your charade, your innocence feigned as my stupidity burns and cuts like a blade. I should have known better than to allow you into my world, my sanctuary ruined as you have robbed me of my words, defiled like my skin upon your touch, and still somehow you assume that I owe you so much. I am a king on my own but with you I am a slave; your servant no more, the serpent within rises from the ashes, refusing to be your whore. Washed ashore, your ship should have sank when loving you became a chore. Bored now, I summon the courage, wisdom and strength that defined me prior to your havoc-ridden entrance into my life. With my pen as my knife, I vow to reveal your discrepancies for all to see, how your mistreatment led to the reeducation of me. I will reign triumphantly now that you are gone, as you silently weep for me, growing more withdrawn with each passing day. I am so afraid but I am great at faking it, I will take over the world now that I am no longer forced to commit to someone that refused to admit that this love was inequitable. The tables have turned once again, and I am the hunter while you are my prey. Another dragon slayed, I can see the end to your cursed fairy tale, I will prevail, no longer your victim, I can finally exhale.