Sam.

Dearest Sam, I know it's been a while since I've written, but you always said that complacency was the enemy of our condition.

How are you doing, my beauty queen? I hope that you and Moona are dancing on the sun,
that you have seen the world together, and that you are having endless fun.

It's been nearly four years to the day that I last saw your face, when your soul expired and decided that you'd had enough of this dreary place.

You were barely forty, a life taken from us far too soon,
at night, I lie awake in bed, and imagine us running hand in hand, exploring the surface of the moon.

Even though you may be gone, you have never been this alive,
your laughter in my mind is so loud sometimes, that I can almost swear that you survived.

Living in this city that we shared, everywhere I go is home to your ghost,
those are the moments I hold on to the tightest, that is when I miss you most.

The heartache of losing you will never disappear,
although I accept the loss, it is still my greatest fear.

You raised me to be strong, showed me how to stand taller than the rest,
the least that I can do to repay you, is ensure that I stay blessed.

My confidence was lacking until you showed me how to love myself,
I swear I would not be the man I am today if it weren't for your help.

I watched you from a distance, emulated your communication style, and even the way you only revealed your troubles to your pen,

more than just losing a sister, I grieve the loss of my best friend.

Sometimes, I am perfectly fine then suddenly reminded of you,
then these tears escape from my eyes, even in public, and drown me in the blues.

It could be in something as simple as hearing a song you loved, or the fragrant smell of jasmine, which was always your favourite scent,

even meeting someone with your name fills my heart with wistful merriment.

Either way, my darling girl, please know, that the absence of roses on your grave does not mean that you do not reside in my heavy heart,
my soul belongs to you, my eternal beloved, and awaits the day when we are no longer apart.

With all the unconditional love in the world, your brother Kashif.

❤

Lifespan.

In the beginning, we were like little children

experiencing blowing bubbles for the very first time. 

Our innocence was endearing,

as we discovered what it meant to feel alive. 

Every breath contained the promise of adventure,

and every conversation revealed hidden treasures. 

I was so foolish, in retrospect, to believe that we could not run out of pleasure.

You found me, and it was like our hearts had always beaten as one,

I could’ve sworn we shared a pulse, our days were filled with endless fun.

Soon, we would finish one another’s sentences,

and knew each other inside out. 

I could name all of your favourite songs,

and retell stories of your childhood without getting any details wrong.

We were accomplished lovers, and communicated with great skill.

There was no need for roller coasters, you already filled me with such thrill.

Our friends would often refer to us as a pair,

and whenever I needed you, I’d turn and you were already there.

We were as natural as the birds and the bees,
made as much sense as music on MTV.

You were the only one who had ever made me feel this way,
as my days were filled with visions of the children we would raise.

But all good things come to an end, they say,

perhaps I should’ve listened more.

Our laughter was quickly silenced by the injustices of war.

I would look your way, searching for the kind eyes that made me fall in love,

only to be met with fine lines that spoke volumes about exhaustion and mistrust.

I know I am not easy to love, I told you from the very start,

yet somehow you still wanted to capture my fickle heart.

It was due time you told me you were unhappy,

with tears streaming down your cheeks that summer day.

You said, “We need to talk,” and I started to dig my own grave.

I thought that you were everything, but it turned out you did not feel the same.

As we let go of one another’s hands, and went our own separate ways.

In the aftermath of us, colours hardly seem as bright.

Although there is still electricity, there is not much light.

It took me ages to accept that you were gone,

I would’ve easier made peace with losing one of my arms.

My mind will not seem to let go of your relentless memory,

each one terrorizes me, as they replay in my head incessantly.

I was jaded for a while, but now my head is raised way up high once again.

I stand tall, now that I’ve remembered all the love I once had for myself.

Strong enough to appreciate our shared experience,

wiser now that I have been reminded of my resilience.

I am happy that we lived it, and wish you nothing short of the best.

It turns out I was not missing you, but the man I was before we met.