Eighth Wonder.

The Taj Mahal exists as proof that love like this should not be missed

Pyramids in all their wonder do not compare to our thunder

The seven seas do not contain enough water to quench my thirst like you do

The world in all its magnificence was created just for you

Everest in all its majesty could not take me as high as you

Mysterious Stonehenge try as it may does not intrigue me like you do

Pisa's leaning tower would stand upright if it had you for support

The Colosseum would be lucky to host your sport

Modern marvels like the CN Tower or the Empire State

Would be awestruck by the beauty our love emanates

The great wall of China's ego would deflate

when unable to relate to a love that is this great

The city of lights in France, once synonymous with romance

will replace Mona Lisa in the Louvre with the masterpiece that is you

Art collectors from far and wide, will make pilgrimage to see your nature divine

You will tour the world's museums as the most rare and valuable find

Ice caps would melt in admiration from being exposed to you

Greenland was named after its envy for you

Atlantis would resurface to see why you are such a treasure

Though I would refuse to share you, my wonder, in all your pleasure

There is so much beauty that occurs naturally on this planet, that sometimes I cannot stand it

and I question how God planned it, then I think of you in all your glory, you're perfection

and I thank the universe for making me your selection

No need for diamond rings, blue sapphires or gold

Fancy cars, luxury so far are not needed if it's you I'll always hold

No material possession could compare to your worth

You are my obsession, you beautify this Earth

Stains.

Cancerously consumed me ravaging my sanity making me despise you more with each minute that slipped away like sand, your manner maligned me mockingly as your acid lies corroded the beauty in our land.  Still naive of me to believe that this was not a part of your plan, you were barely a boy though you claimed to be a man.

Wickedly waged a war with me, wanting to wound me with your words as weapons, vindictively victimized me, venomously terrorized me, you were such a villain.  Ravenously rode me raining on my happiness with every chance you'd get, pitifully probed me preying on my weakness resulting in rivers of regret. 

I trusted you to treat me right instead you robbed me in the night, I trusted you to treat me right, but you stripped  me of my sight.  

You really blinded me, played me like a pawn in your wicked game of Chess.  Really blind-sighted me, left my world in such a mess.  

Fiercely fabricated figments of your imagination that you accused me of, though my only fear was that I had foolishly fallen in love.  Angrily accosted me at every opportunity that arose, aiming to avenge your heart that others had froze.  

Poisonously painted a picture of me that profiled you as the saint, possessed, you played the part provoking sympathy from all, sadistically saved your torment for me, somehow convinced that I was the sinner though my self-respect prevailed and prevented me from taking the fall.

I trusted you to treat me right instead you robbed me in the night, I trusted you to treat me right, but you stripped  me of my sight.  

You really blinded me, played me like a pawn in your wicked game of Chess.  Really blind-sighted me, left my world in such a mess.  

Unburdened of you now, I can confess that your vile notion of love left me blessed aware now and conscious of what I do and don't deserve.  Liberated from your lies, I can attest and promise that karma's claws will sink into your chest, just wait and see, my reputation will be preserved.

Look who's crying now, that I am immune to your petty games.  Your war crimes against me are over, your power over me went up in flames.  You can keep trying to point the finger without accepting any blame.  Now that it's all over, I have washed away your stains.  

I trusted you to treat me right instead you robbed me in the night, I trusted you to treat me right, but you stripped  me of my sight.  

You really blinded me, played me like a pawn in your wicked game of Chess.  Really blind-sighted me, left my world in such a mess.  

Predator.

The predator becomes the prey as I lie in wait for you to devour me, I have been waiting for this day.  

With each mouthful, you gain power over me, weaker with each word you say.  

A drop of my blood was all it took into your shark infested waters,

to make you crave the taste of me, I bite my lip as I am slaughtered.  

You were a carnivore from the start, a perfect match for me, a mere piece of meat,

wanting you to ingest me like the tastiest treat.

In the desert, I cut myself hoping you would catch my scent and notice me from above, it wasn't long before you circled me wanting to feast on me with your love.  

I never expected a vulture to take its time the way you did,

making me moan as you feasted on my bones, all of it worth the sacrifice to have you touch my skin.  

The predator becomes the prey as I lie in wait for you to devour me, I have been waiting for this da

With each mouthful, you gain power over me, weaker with each word you say.  

Lying in the savannah and its grasslands, I patiently await you and your pride

To begin hunting for kill, swallow me whole then make me your bride

Call me the queen of your jungle as your teeth sink into my raw hide

Safe from poachers and scavengers now that I found my way inside

Temperatures drop as we travel to the great white north, I swim up stream 

Unlike your cousins grizzly, brown and black, you were the clear leader of your team

You reach into the water and paw at me, invigorating me, I am now polar bare

Just one touch is enough to leave me breathless and gasping for air

The predator becomes the prey as I lie in wait for you to devour me, I have been waiting for this day

With each mouthful, you gain power over me, weaker with each word you say

Original Sin.

On bended knee, I seek contrition for my carnal sins, 
grant me a private audience  
so I can seduce you with my confession;
help me undress from my suffering.  

Let my pain be your pleasure, whip me into shape 
then join me with your hands in prayer, 
as I bow my head further in submission, 
seeking recompense, I refuse to come up for air.  

Shine your light down on me from above,
and bless me with a kiss;
release me like the dove,
then free me from my abyss.  

Crucify me with your caress, 
liberate my spirit with each calculated touch.
My name waits in vain to be the only one that you address;
just do not dismiss me, I yearned for so long to be judged.  

Satiate my hunger with your body made of bread, 
feed me, nourish me and tease me, sending me to purgatory like the dead.  
Drown me in your blood red wine dyeing my blind faith in the process, 
I turned down a life of luxury in the hopes I would catch your attention and impress.  

Mea culpa, forgive me father for I have mercilessly sinned, 
punish me accordingly, like you are Cain and I am your twin.  
Brand me with a scarlet letter, make an example of me for succumbing to temptation, 
I will take it all in stride for it was worth the eternal damnation.  

In the garden of good and evil, neither prevailed, both lost,
as I chose to pay the cost, to seduce my boss.  
No burning bush could save me now as I have surrendered to desire, 
your heavenly heat toys with me, filling my entire being with fire.  

Immaculate conception love that has given my heart direction, 
you have rescued me from myself, I have been resurrected.

Natural.

Your skin against my own as soft as winter's first sweet snow, the heat from your thighs like the sun that warms the summer and its skies, your finger tips like thunder, electrically charged and filled with wonder, your fragrant breath like a spring breeze when caressing the nape of my neck.  Eyes golden brown and deep, radiant from within, kisses from velvet lips that sensually seduce me like sins, hands that fall like autumn leaves adding colour to me from the inside out, I turn bright, crimson red as my body rewards you with goosebumps and you become the leader to my boy scout.  Like a seasoned lover, you are patient as your crops await my rain, not a drop of me is wasted until I circle your drain.  Passion was once as unclear to me as a sky covered in pollution, unbeknownst to me was that your love was the solution.  Clouded no more, I see the light shining from the Heavens right into you then into me, like spring does to the cherry tree, you have made me blossom and then magically set me free.        

Cocky.

Collecting dust, and forgotten high upon a shelf

I hear your cries of desperation as you call for help

You were once a coveted prize, the object of desire for all

Until you met your demise like all possessions, then began your fall

No longer new nor slightly used, you were not even last season

Not an antique, just weak, the flavours of the week even viewed you as excretion

Bargain bin beautiful priced for much less than you cost to make

You whimper, indignant that you were authentic yet being treated like a fake

There must be a way to regain their love, you thought arrogantly from your final resting place.

Perhaps I'll be seen as unique again, if I just put on my best face.

Adorned in a vibrant smile from cheek to cheek

You convinced yourself that you were a chic

Many admirers passed you, fingering you for nostalgia's sake

Then returning you to your dusty shelf, leaving you for someone else to take

Such is the fate of those that forget their roots for temporary fame

They will be abandoned too, for survival of the fittest is not just anybody's game

When your ego grows too big for your own head,

Count your blessings, choosing to be confident instead

Cockiness will get you nowhere other than in biased history books

No longer desired but despised, not even coveted by crooks

Super.

My superhuman abilities were a blessing and a curse

For although in place to protect me, they often did quite the reverse

Faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive

Who was going to save Superman when he lost the will to continue floating.

Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound yet matters of the heart tore me apart like kryptonite

Unsure if I could go on with emotions coursing through my veins electrifying me like dynamite

It was easier to be unfeeling, numb to man's nuances and moods

Life was less revealing, when I was thought of as crude

Grief stricken without a spell or potion to ease the pain

Sadness engulfed the superhuman, casting a shadow cloud of sorrow on my Herculean frame

With a brave face on, I returned to fight crimes and matters not of the heart

Renewed confidence and faith in myself as I crossed my heart and hoped to be stronger and not so easily torn apart

Invincible again, no magic needed to know I will not surrender to defeat

The road to recovery was lined with obstacles that kept me from becoming obsolete

Shapeshifting past of mine, I often chose to hide rather than stand out and be misunderstood

It took me long enough to accept the subjective nature of bad and good

Still soaring high above the skies saving everybody else from crime

Even the ability to heal oneself and flight can grow old after some time

Desperate for a cure or even someone to lean on for a helping hand

A friend, or an ally that will see me as an equal and not as Superman

So what if I have powers that make me slightly different from the rest

I still yearn to find someone with whom I can watch the sun rise in the west

When will I meet my own personal Lois Lane?

That will treat me with love and respect, and stimulate my brain?

Undress.

Put your hand in my hand, let me take my brush and paint the world for you

I want you to discover me as I explore the intricacies of you

Slide your fingers through my hair, let me share my soul with you

Caress my skin, I'm glistening, eagerly wanting to undress you

Watch the sun rise in my deep eyes as I pull your shirt over your head

Feel the passion in between my thighs climb atop me in this bed

I turn crimson and blood red, your touch sets me on fire

Leave the lights on so I can watch you fill me with your desire

Kisses on my neck conquer me, I am unfolding

Don't hold back, move with me, my eyes start rolling

Make me sweat, grind deeper into me

Hear me scream out your name as you fill me with your beauty

Lie with me, let me taste the sweat dampening your neck

My tongue flickering across your body, slowly making you wet

I can feel you throbbing against my leg

I want you so desperately but want to hear you beg

Do it rough, bite me hard, don't stop until we're done

Never enough, leave me scarred, play Russian Roulette inside me with your gun

Unload your bullets until we're both shot and gasping for air

Just when you think you can't go any further, I will take you there

Unleash your fury, drown me in your scent

Keep going higher until we are both spent

Unload your worries and unburden your stress

Then start all over, let me watch you undress

Fire.

Tearing through my wilderness like savages, the wild fire inside my heart refuses to subside; spreading like disease, as spectators watch amazed, helplessly, awestruck by the most ferocious element there is.  Dancing in the dark, like the deranged, painting the blue dusk night with violent reds, deep yellows and aggressive oranges.  Devouring everything in sight, reducing my beauty to little more than mountains of ash and embers.  Happy to have made it out unscathed yet distraught to have to start over, again, planting trees and recreating nature from scratch.  Inside, the prospect of starting anew is almost exciting now that I have survived the worst.  Granted an opportunity to start over, a second chance to right all my wrongs and undo my mistakes.  A brand new beginning complete with a newer, improved version of me.  Putting my best foot forward, I leave my old life behind as I step over the remnants of the destruction that made me not only resume, but restart, with a renewed outlook all that truly matters.  Stripped away like bark from the trees that were reduced to dirt, my ego ceased to exist upon coming face to face with God.  The universe always returns what it takes in the circle of life, whether immediately apparent or just below the surface, it does its part to ease our tensions with its knife.  Having once believed I lost it all in the fire I failed to see that I was spared, focusing blindly on impermanent things resulted in staying unaware.  It was not until I rejoiced at being given another go, that I was not able to be free from my vicious, selfish ego.  Burn baby burn, heal me with your heat from the inside out, sear the pages of my past, erase them, renewing my spirit and zest for life, and saving me from my drought.

Renewed.

I was convinced I was immortal, invincible even.

Then in an instant, my world was turned upside down.

I came face to face with my own mortality.

As I watched helplessly as you slipped away, forever becoming slightly out of reach.

I let out a wail that resonated to and vibrated my spirit, shaking it awake.

Forcing it to pay attention to the day that everything changed.

Darkness, disarray and depression danced with me.

Decay was everywhere.  I was decayed.

I was diseased.  Once again, disoriented by death.

Dismembered by the untimely demise of my nearest and most dear.

After acquiescing to the agony and surrendering to the shock that impatiently waited to feast on me,
I folded into myself.  Collapsing, not knowing when or if I would ever just be "okay".

The effort of each day was like a loaded gun that I refused to pick up.

Debilitating denial was a delicacy I would delve into as a means to deal with the pain.

Although there was no room for turning back or adopting pretence, it lessened the blow to that of a landmine instead of a nuclear bomb.  Anger came like an invading army attacking at night.

Accusing anyone of involvement.  

Accosting myself for all that I could have done but never accepting that it was done.

I tried to pick up the pieces, celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss.

Somehow, I became conscious of a reserve of strength held deep within us.

Strength and resilience that lies dormant in us, waiting to be tapped into.

This was my saving grace.  This bit of new found strength was like a superpower.

I tried to use it sparingly but privately practised using it as much as possible.

I wanted to master it and gain power to heal through this new strength.

Seconds evolved into hours, days then months.  Each new day was still a blessing despite the loss.

Each day an opportunity to appreciate the loved ones I still had left.

Denial turned into anger turned into acceptance; the cliched concept of time healing all was coming true.

Now, on the eve of the one year anniversary of my sister's passing, I am happy, for once.  

For what feels like the first time in forever.  I have accepted it though the legacy she's left behind is larger than life itself.  Although she is lost, she will never be forgotten.  

Generations to come will hear of the sister that shaped, guided, loved and encouraged me.
The sister whom I inherited my confidence and intellect from.
I emulated her grace, class and sophistication as much as possible, and this will be the greatest gift I share with my own children.  

Death and dying are life-altering experiences though we always fail to remember the impermanence of everything, especially life, which changes from one fleeting moment to the next.
Now you're here, now you're gone - all in an instant.  

Through death, I gained life in that I was reminded to live and revel in every blessed moment.

I was reminded to appreciate and love all that are deserving before it is too late.

I learnt to cherish my mind, body and spirit again so as to not tempt death or illness.

I learnt t to let go and accept that everything happens for a reason.

Through death, I have almost been revived.  

Year in Review.

This is highly personal...but I wanted to share this with the people that matter most.  I probably could've done so in a less "public" forum but I am ultimately an open book.    

So it is the 31st of December, a day on which society denotes that one reflect on the year they've had and then go out and get annihilated through ingesting as much alcohol/drugs as possible, or perhaps that was just my old social circle and not society as a whole that had that expectation.  Lol, I have decided to do things a little differently this year though, and I am certain beyond doubt that I will stick to my guns and end the day/begin thIS NEW year with a calm, cool, collected and CONSCIOUS mindset.  Emphasis on conscious because, as you  may know from reading previous entries, I preferred living in a state of permanent intoxication; I self-medicated through drugs, alcohol, and whatever else I could get my hands on in order to avoid dealing with issues that had infiltrated the very core of my being.  Not good!

This year was full of ups and downs; it started with my sister Sam, who had been my biggest ally, confidante, and endless stream of non-judgemental and loving support, being ill and in the throes of a deep depression.  In the end, I felt that because I couldn't help her, I started to absorb her pain and started to self-destruct as well.  I entered a dark period where I was self-medicating as I felt completely helpless and started to give up.  It turned into a release of negativity that I highly needed to prepare myself for her death on the 3rd of February.  She passed away in her sleep, and I found her, much to my dismay.  I was devastated, to say the least; it was like everything I had known had been a falsity and like my comfort and security had been torn apart with a chainsaw.  Everything was in disarray and I entered a dark depression, unsure of how to fill the immense void that had suddenly encapsulated my being.  I refused to leave my house, shave, shower, and simply exist.  I had no idea of how I would, or could go on but fortunately, my sister Maaria, a few friends, and my mother were incredibly supportive.  This ordeal ultimately brought my family closer together and made me appreciate them so much more.  

A month passed and I knew I had to pick up and resume.  I knew that it was wrong for me to be consumed by sorrow, as Sam never would've wanted it that way.  She was always the biggest advocate of strength and resilience for me; one could deduce that she was incredibly strong-willed and confident within the first five minutes of being introduced to her.  So, with this in mind, I tried to pick up the pieces and began applying for jobs, as a distraction would have been ideal to get my mind off of all the things that were bothering me, and eating away at my sanity.  I started working briefly, but only until my sister Maaria, whom i had grown up with, got married in April.  Although, there was dissonance around whether it was appropriate for her to still get married or not, it had already been planned and she was completely deserving of the little bit of joy it gave her; a moment's worth of serenity and clarity in the immediate calm after the storm.  

I flew to Pakistan on the 10th of April, completely unexpectedly, as I was not planning to attend her wedding due to work.  The three weeks I was there were highly needed as I was able to reflect, be introspective, and heal.  I did not drink or partake in any illicit drugs for this period either, so this was my first bit of sobriety in what seemed like years.  Her wedding took place over the course of four days, as is tradition with Pakistani weddings, and I was present through all of it.  My sister, my other best friend, who had pinched me as a child to keep me in line and then battled bullies with  me in the school-yard was getting married; something that was almost surreal to me.  Her husband adores her and treats her with the utmost kindness, compassion and love and I instantly approved.  I cried when I saw her in her wedding dress as she looked radiant and was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen, but I also cried as I was grateful that between Sam and myself, that one of us was there to support her and give her our blessing as she entered marital life.  

Upon coming back to Canada, I had initially planned to proceed with the new outlook, and healthy (sober) lifestyle that I had been accustomed to for three weeks but then I relapsed again, always telling myself that I was fine with "Just a little taste," which turned into "A few drinks," and then ultimately, "Mind your own business."  I convinced myself I was not an alcoholic once more, and stated that I never craved it, knowing internally that I did yet dreaded saying so, lest verbalizing it was synonymous with acceptance.  Now, in retrospect, trying to count on two hands how many incidents, casualties, and arguments I have been in the past two years as a result of my drinking is impossible, which  means it is time to stop.  

Ending the year, I am in a good place.  I have an incredible job and work with people that are wonderfully supportive and hilarious.  I am in a relationship that is healthy, centred on communication, honesty, integrity, and respect; something that none of my past relationships had been simultaneously AND most importantly, I feel great about myself.  I have stopped drinking, it's going on two weeks which is a HUGE deal for me, as I would normally spend around $2-300 a week on alcohol and going out, which is ridiculous.  

Today, on the new year's eve, I plan to spend the day immersed in the mindset that will ensure a successful start to 2013.  I have always thought that the way we spend our new year's eve would ultimately dictate how the rest of the year was spent.  This was a year full of losses, love, ups, downs, and curve-balls but I wouldn't change it for a thing.  It taught me how to be strong again, and how to be independent; it reminded me of my worth and my own mortality, that everything is impermanent.  It showed me that I need to be better to myself and to my immediate family; my sister Maaria, my mother, my nieces and nephew are all deserving of the utmost love, and are worthy of the most positive and conscious version of myself.  And lastly, it taught me to love myself from the inside out; friends and family may come and go, but in the end, I will always have myself and should ultimately shower myself with the utmost love/respect, for I will be all that I have at the end of the day.  

Here's to a lovely, happy, healthy and wonderful start to the new year for all of you as well.  I know it will be for me and I am happy and grateful that I am still here.  

Rome.

Roman empires could crumble from one look into your eyes, 
thankful to the Heavens for bestowing me with the greatest prize. 

Within a single month, Cleopatra and Marc Anthony 
would concede to their defeat, 
as our love story grows more elaborate, 
no contest for theirs, so weak and incomplete. 

In Pisa, you can lean on me, 
I will reciprocate your kindness that beautifies my soul. 
The romance I will endow on you in Venezia will be 
the missing piece that makes your puzzle whole. 

Help me blossom into a real boy in Firenzé like Pinocchio, 
as my heart opens wider to make more room 
for the most deserving prince that I will ever know. 

Your elusive Mona Lisa smile sends me sailing to the Amalfi Coast, 
as I become compelled to paint you, my next masterpiece, 
from your head down to your toes, I am engrossed. 

Make my way to the Vatican to see if it could be true 
that the Sistine Chapel pales in comparison to you. 

With one kiss, you bring me to my knees, 
pardonne me, amoré mio, 
but your breath makes me just as weak as the
warm summer breeze that stays with me everywhere I go. 

Float in me like I am a wondrous, winding Venetian canal, 
besieged as you become my muse, 
the very thought of you instantly boosts my morale. 

Let your opera become my dogma,
your arrival in my life is surely the fruit of my good karma. 
Sicily sweet, you make me flush from your heatwave, 
Calabria cool as I rejoice for all the reasons why you make me rave. 

The mutual respect and trust that you exude 
are the most valuable gifts that I have received. 
Millé grazi, for you have given me another resplendent reason to breathe.

Red Wine Romance.

Dreaming whilst awake, no longer in need of slumber, as one touch or caress from you is enough to make me crack then crumble.  Floating blissfully on my own butterflies' wings, you are quickly becoming my everything.  You hold the brush artfully as you paint my canvas filling it with colour, and my heart agrees that you are unlike any other lover.  Sorceror skilled as you leave me breathlessly thrilled, no longer in need of jagged little pills, you've come in for the kill turning this predator into your prey.  Like turning water into red wine, you intoxicate me in every way when skies are grey.  Chianti kisses that flavour my tongue, you shot my apathy down and left me yearning, burning, hotter than a smoking gun.  Although my initial reaction was to run, your predecessors have been outdone, hooked on you now like you just might be the one.  Call me mother Earth, as I orbit you just like the sun.  Dye my chardonnay with your shiraz, then fill me with your jazz, add a spring to my every step as I quickly become more adept. Drowning in desire, I shed the weight of my past the more you make me perspire, racing to the finish line, you are the admired air inside my tires.   Fumbling towards ecstasy, the light becomes more clear as I tumble; with each sip I take of you, I wisen and become more humbled.  

Ice Age.

Heartbreak, sorrow and grief transcended led me to the path that meandered in your direction, flying above the sky on the back of a bird called bliss, you are the closest yet to perfection, I can feel it in your kiss.  Your brown eyes make me glow from the radiant heat and love that I see reflected inside, I saddle up and grab the reins, more prepared now than I've ever been for any other ride, hopefully this one devoid of pain.  Like kerosene, you looked at me and I was set ablaze like gasoline.  Relieved to be reignited as I thought I lost my light and that my prose would remain unrequited.  My flammable heart burns brazenly inspired by your scent, as my spirit moans crazily from your manna, you are truly Heaven sent.  Suddenly, the gears in my mind race again, sending blood and your name coursing through my victorious veins.  Virulent love infects me making me glow from the inside out, although I try with great effort to keep my guards up and devout, you have already replenished me and saved my endangered terrain from its dire drought.  Drenched in you, new life grows in what I believed had become a barren wasteland, just from one look or the slightest touch of your hand.  Drowned in sweat, dripping from our heads and slowly trickling down, we dance as passion and pleasure become the first new inhabitants of my heart's ghost town.  My thirst slaked, you slayed the fire-breathing dragon that threatened to devour me whole, tortured artist syndrome as I felt I needed to be in despair in order for my words to flow, forgetting that states of ecstasy also watered the seeds helping them blossom and then letting them grow, intrigued that all you had to do was put your lips together and blow.  Although my past followed me attempting to infect us with the venom spit by others' bias judgments, I adore you for giving me the benefit of the doubt and avoiding falling prey to their misguided grudges.  Winter cold heart of mine has thawed, even as remnants of my past ice ages may still remain, let me in and I will be the heat and vitamin D that feeds your brain.  As I continue to melt, I will do to you what spring does to the cherry trees, caress you when the world is unkind, as my fragrant breeze brings you to your knees in adoration.  Summer's sun will bring us closer,  I will have no more need for hibernation as our love will come full bloom after spring showers, we will be surrounded by the most bountiful gardens of flowers.  In Autumn, we will fall again; my leaves made colourful by your sweet surrender, thank you for coming, your arrival might just be my number one contender.