Self-Awareness — A Poem About Seeing Oneself Clearly

 

With each day I take for granted, I vow to appreciate the next, blessed with the opportunity to once again look, and feel my best.  With my feet firmly planted, my morals maneuver me through all the rest, as I have been granted another day to conquer the world and put my limits to the test.  

Some may call me an idealist though I am as real as they come, as I refuse to succumb to the notion that we must all acquiesce to society's rules that really only just make us boring and numb.  

I can paint my own destiny, I am the master of my domain, though my moods and momentum may change in an instant, I am grateful that they change at all, as my indecision shows I'm living, and still standing despite my many falls.  
Others' attempts to understand me often leave them more perplexed than when they began, I am an anomaly and will not be mislabeled by any other man.  

A human being, not one doing, I live and let live just as well, yet I am still often the myth and then the legend that cowards and commoners attempt to dispel.  The subject and the predicate that illiterates will never know how to spell, I have won your game of thrones; I am the king of Winterfell.

Subjugated for far too long, I refuse to remain the victim of your abuse; either endure me or ignore me, your decision is your prerogative, I will not sit idly by waiting for you to choose.  You no longer hold the noose that tightens around my neck, no longer own the signature that validates my cheques.  

My strength lies in my resilience, eternal proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes that I am, this is where you remind me of why your approval is even worth a damn. Some have dubbed me the devil incarnate for I refuse to let anyone in, through the barricades I peer out through from inside my glass house made of equal sin.  

You claim that I am worse than you and even with my ego subdued I cannot accept something so absurd as allowing you to have the final word, I have much more to offer the world, for it will always be my oyster and I will always be its pearl.

Partition.

When fame and fortune are achieved, and there is not much left to do, 
that is when I search within for an answer or a cure.
Caught up in society's rules of what, how, and the who, 
I orbit into obscurity, then free fall into an open sewer. 

I am successful at most endeavours that I set my mind to—
whether it's racketball or the creative arts, I often take the lead. 
So I sit and seethe then make believe I am a witches brew, 
right before I prick my finger, and I let it bleed.

Excelling at almost everything can be a blessing and a cancerous curse, 
as choosing one simple path can become quite complex. 
So, instead, I obsess and move forward, in reverse; 
I stray further from my purpose, and grow painfully perplexed.

Robbed of my own livelihood like a runaway, derailing train;
despite a dozen different modes of transportation, I still cannot be moved.
My success vanished as mysteriously as a Malaysian aeroplane;
Stubborn as a mule as I wreak havoc with my cloven hooves.

Urdu:
Hum pe yeh kisne hara rang daala,
dekhao mujhe apna dil saaf hai ke kaala. 
Yeh gham ki goli hai kisne khilayee
hai kisne mujhe buri nazar lagayee.

Shayad hai maine kisi jinn ko sataya,
mot ko kisne pukara, ussey kisne bulaya?
Zindagi humari kaise itni kharaab hogayee, 
bachpan ke khilono ki tara, khushiyan humaari kahan khogayee? 

Kya kisi jadugarni ne humaari loee ki guriya banaali;
ya kisi ajnabi ko hai di humne gaali? 
Zara sa jhoom loon ya apne aap ko dufnaloon? 
Samundar mein doob jaon ya paani meh nahaaloon?

Tofa ho ya toofaan mujhe koi faraq nahin, 
ab fiqar main apni doob ke main thakgaya hoon. 
Woh masoom larka kahaan goom hogaya,
jiske aankhein mein kabhi nahin they yeh aansoo.

Punjabi:
Jiddaun dil vich dard hovey, 
teri avaaz menu chen devey;
na haath jaane, na roo jaane 
kidda rassi vangoo vataya gaya. 

Jadoo da chola paakey, 
menu hasna sekha;
meray zakhmaan de uthay 
pyaar da maram la.

Mi vich nachda phirda si pehlon
hun chand de totey bhi chen na devan,
sooraj di garmi hun sukoon na devey,
dil vich apne pana menu dehday.

Menu ma di yaad sataandi aa,
kanna vich avaaz audhi aandi aa.
Audhi ankhan vich taarey chamakde si,
Audhe paaran vich phul mehekde si.

Urdu Translation:
Who gave me this envy, show me your heart, is it clean or black with dirt, who fed me this pill of sorrow, who gave me the evil eye

Maybe I annoyed some sleeping genie, who mentioned death, who even called him? How did my life get so messed up, like my childhood toys, where has my happiness also been lost?

Did an enchantress make a voodoo doll in my likeness, or did I offend some stranger? Should I spin (roll with it) or bury myself? Bathe myself in water or drown myself in the sea.

There is no difference between gifts or gales to me, I've tired of acknowledging/observing my worry/frustrations. Where has that innocent young boy gone, whose eyes never held these tears.

Punjabi:
When there's hurt in my heart, your voice brings me peace, neither my hands nor my soul know how my life got tangled like rope. 

Teach me how to smile/laugh with your magic, heal my wounds with your love.

I once danced in the rain, now even pieces of the moon don't bring me peace, the sun's heat/rays don't bring me solace, so grant me sanctuary inside your heart.

My mother's memories haunt me, in my ears, I hear her voice; stars once glistened in her eyes, I found flowers at her feet.