Dope Show

Sleep eludes me as I sit and think of new ways to forget your name. The days blur into one, oblique and grey while our last memories catch fire and slowly take flame. I can recall the time when your name tasted sweet, melting on my tongue as I floated dazed throughout the streets. I silently assuage my hunger as I plunder the world in search of another lover with whom I can share the benefits of being love's elite. Discreetly, I tear out the pages of my memoir that alluded to the years I spent pretending that you made me feel complete. Our tenure expired as we came to terms and realized one another's services were no longer required. Undesired, our unkempt entreaty rarely felt Heaven sent. Unburdened of your ignorance, I can see land in the distance and know my salvation has come. Like spiced rum that I need to abstain from, I can no longer slake my thirst whilst playing make believe and falsely agreeing that you were the one that loved me first. The eye of the storm has passed and through the worst, my star bursts creating a cacophony of beauty that beams in your night sky. I sit and I patiently observe my fasts as I wait for my wings, once again, and prepare myself to fly. I take life's reins into my hands, denying you the control that you would demand and reroute my plans to find success and triumph in Cannes or some other land. The grapes of my wrath have disappeared, replaced by a calm, collectedness that soothes my soul like the summer breeze that whispers words of wisdom into my ears, obliterating the fears that barraged the world with hurricanes of tears. My final act called for humility, as I accepted that alas it is always better to have loved and lost. I undo the shackles that bound me to you, the ones that made me vulnerable, then vain like a power hungry boss. Momentarily derailed, my train stops to refuel as I gather my wits amidst the damage and destruction of a love that failed to make me commit. I reach out and touch faith, finding myself with each new step taken in a direction that leads me closer to my dreams. No longer afraid of failure or your demonic regime, I relinquish my ego and let my softer side take control. Silently serene as I am free from enduring the intricacies of your extremes, liberated from the imprisonment of my bones. You caged my heart in your ribs, enraging me at the scent of your cologne. I have been granted a second chance at life, pardoned of my sins and strife. Degraded, your show ends as a lonely masquerade, while my crusade continues, ensuring my reign, no longer afraid. We could have been so good together and enjoyed the beautiful weather, as we gazed into one another's eyes. Instead I realized I had to let go as our love was not quid pro quo; it had grown obscure as it refused to function anymore. As our battles continued, and arguments transitioned into resorted blows, I ran; never wanting to look back at the something from nothing jungle that now grows where we acted out our personal dope show. I am a star in my own right, you are damaged goods, baggage strewn across your floors as if from dynamite. I have escaped from your Alcatraz, as I poignantly create the most melodious jazz. Solo now, I hope you reap what you had sowed. I disavow your existence as I take my final bow. The curtains close on my victorious face, the love I had for you has since been long replaced by the greatest love of all; my own self love, which I have happily embraced. Defaced, I take your pictures out of their frames. Maimed, you were the least skill provoking Chess game that I ever played. I plunge deeper into loathing and pitying your smile, your style contrived as I was the one that made you so versatile. I have turned a new leaf, you are just a strand of grass. Please do not harass my reverie, let me dream and sleep in peace as you come to terms with and learn to accept the painful concept of being surpassed. Like the rose that grew from concrete, our parting was sorrowfully bittersweet, your disdainful deceit so indiscreet guaranteed that our song would never play again nor could it ever repeat. You have been the victim of my chaotic smile, anarchy has come, yet you feign ignorance and surprise upon witnessing that I am hostile. I gave you all of me, monogamously, you should have had faith in me until the end. Watch as we wither away, wilting like the money that you refuse to relieve from your clammy hands to spend. Short circuited love has electrocuted my soul for good, my name has been tarnished by your residue. My legacy will always be misunderstood, not because of the poison you instill in others' minds, but because of the venom that hides within the kiss that you imbue. Swallow me then spit me out, I devoutly shout from the mountain tops, wanting it to be known that you were the ether that dyed my soul black. You poured gasoline into my heart as I realized that you were the gift that I should have given back. As we depart, it becomes clearer with each pained breath that I take, my greatest mistake was falling for your heartbreak love right from the start.