Accident-prone yet bulletproof, resilience courses through my veins. After plucking out the shrapnel from my own Hell-Bent self-destruction, all I was left with was me. Through embracing my darkness, I found the light. Here lie a sordid collection of POETRY, PROSE, AND REFLECTIONS on the traumas & triumphs along the way.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Addiction.
Cocaine covered clouds that would cushion and comfort my falls, have ceased to provide security, through life's many curveballs. Methamphetamine dreams laced with paranoia and delusion, solely fill my world with desolation, and crack ignited confusion. Made Mary Jane my mistress, reached out to her when I was down, with an embrace, one simple kiss, she once was able to make me feel so profound. Ecstasy would take me high, and help me soar, gone are the days now when I was a user, I am drugs' whore no more. Acid trip traps that I used as a means to escape, have lost their ability now, to help me forget the many memories of rape. I was once a jaded junkie living amongst the untouchables of North American society, instead I have turned a new leaf, contrived of clarity, and sobriety. I am no longer a victim, nor a product of my environment, it is in my nature to nurture, or else face extinction, and endangerment. Painkillers and opiates that I once thought would make me immune to pain now provide me with no relief as I pour them down the drain. Alcohol, the great depresser, was supposed to wash my fears away, instead of amplifying my sadness, and making my tears resurface; now they are here to stay. An addiction addled past has made me waste away so fast, as I tossed and turned in my sleepless state only to find the strength within, the fire that will burn to ensure that my life lasts. My unchained melody is the plight that will never set me free, once these boundaries cease to be walls, how will these changes affect my sanity? I am human, hear me roar, victorious until the end, I need to slip as I am fallible but that is the only way that I can mend. I will survive, and prevail, I am the proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes, determination flows through my veins, there will be no more accidents, or self-inflicted sullen slashes. Today, I need to make the promise that I am committed to my cause, there is no more room for relapse, only the open acceptance of my flaws.
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