Illumination

I close my eyes and hide behind my hands, try to explain but no one seems to understand. The world itself is crying out for help, as we continue to meander from the truth and squander our wealth on ourselves. We could have saved the children that turned into tyrants and unjust kings, educated our siblings and taught them to do the noble thing. Instead we turned the other cheek, veiled but rarely modest or discreet, hoping to never encounter poverty within our own streets. Feral children fearlessly face famine and frustration, genocides and war have become the cause that they live to die for. But instead we feign ignorance and dance to rhythmic beats. If I could change the world with my hands or even with my pen, I would serve the Earth's inhabitants and help them feel complete again. How fair is it for us to build castles when they can only build theirs in the sky, injustice and punishment are their only lullabies. Women in the Middle East are attacked for their honour every single day, while their Western counterparts have the freedom to attend soirées. Oppression is the reason why men are often reduced to mice, repressed and ignored as they battle over rations of rice. Coincidentally, we choose our battles here and take the freedom to choose for granted, enchanted like the accursed forests and whales so often implanted in children's fairy tales. I made the choice to fail, when I could have fought to win it all. And at the end of the day, I realize, that I am the only one that I can blame for my repeated falls. I will rise up against myself, prohibit toxicity from affecting my health. I will take responsibility for my lack of action, until I can comfort myself with the satisfaction that I have craved for far too long. My swan song will result in an upheaval, a reinvention so powerful and bright. One day, in the not too distant future, I will help my brothers fight. Against the injustice that burdens their souls, and the subjugation that chills their bones. I will strive to build new homes for the unfortunate ones who have been the victims of earthquakes and cyclones. The proof is in the pudding and it is finally clear to me, that everything is as impermanent as Buddha revealed for all to see. I no longer crave the material things that brought me joy when I was naive. I believe the time has come for the world's final reprieve, no longer forced to bereave in a land that chooses to misbehave. I will be the kind and gentle knave that bravely rescued and freed the slaves. The room is now illuminated and I see the puppets on their strings, dancing while they further entangle themselves in a web of misery. I praise the Heavens mercifully because I have been enlightened by the greatest gift, Mother nature sheds her final tears as the gears continue to shift.

Fear

Defeated, I turned to the Gods and berated them for the way I was mistreated. I was your punching bag for far too long, your abuse became the lyrics of my pathetic song. Days blurred into nights, as I awaited for the strength inside to flee or fight. I ran for the hills once I realized that you were the poison that would lead to my demise. Cries of agony and confusion built the foundation for my new life, one devoid of you, colourful and bright. I was misunderstood in the days of your tyrannical empire, until I realized my identity had been replaced by one of a liar. I lost touch with myself, no longer knew the colour of my own soul. I see with greater clarity, that you were the reason why my heart felt bleak, and blackened like coal. The fire inside died out, leaving me cold and shivering with mistrust. I turned to many in my time of need, but they just shook their heads in disgust. They no longer saw the majesty that once lived within my eyes, instead they saw the desperation that made me believe in all of your lies. I hid amongst the shadows relying on others to make me feel my worth, like a premature child delivered months prior to his date of birth. I am a work in progress, hoping to fill my pages with love for myself once again. I need to learn to trust myself in order for my heart to mend. I will search the world for ways to be the man that I once knew, and not this version of myself moulded by your words untrue. In my most catatonic of states, I am forced to choke on the freedom that you long revoked. I let the cool, Spring air burst into my lungs, yearning to taste the sweetness of success on my tongue. I am all out of love, yet I do not need to be outlived. Condensed by my sense of loneliness, I turn the tide and allow myself to feel renewed. Once again, I spread my wings and fly, hoping to soar to heights you prevented me from dreaming of. Life has extended me an olive branch and I have apprehensively accepted, even though I had rejected it in the past. Like Noah's dove, I see land in the distance and I know my salvation is just out of reach. I was a mere passenger on your Titanic for too long, I refused to save myself from your sinking ship and lost it all instead. No longer filled with dread, I remove the veil from my eyes as hope aligns itself with the pages of my life that have yet to be read. I can breathe freely, unburdened of your baggage that turned my heart to stone. My sins atoned, relief feels bittersweet as I enter a world full of wonders unknown. Postponed my release out of fear that I would not like what I would find, I feel blind as I refuse to look back, accepting that you are the trauma that needed to be left behind. I see the sun rise for the first time without you by my side, and for the first time in years, I know that everything will be just fine.

Dopamine

I vowed to avoid the ones my mother warned me all about, the ones she said I could do without. I chose to ignore her advice, jumped in head first instead, and now I pay the price. Your lies were not enough to make me steer clear of your eyes. I wanted to taste your sin and let it course throughout my veins, injected for the perfect high, sending waves of dopamine throughout my brain. You were my demise, we could have ruled the world. Your throne remains empty now, you should have been my earl. Contrary to the thoughts you expressed full of sorrow, covered in doubt; I would have given you my heart, been the rain that cured your drought. I held your hands in mine for the shortest moment in time, sublime yet insecure, I felt so unsure right from the start. I wanted to be whimsical, and pretend that it could work. But instead you reached into my chest and tore out my love, with the iciest smirk. My ups and downs were no match for your stagnation; like I was stuck in cement, the slightest move would have led to my damnation. I would have given you the world and pressed it into your tiny palm, offered you my last remnants of water, if only to ensure that you would stay calm. Your lips were fire and I burnt in silence, ignored the searing of my own. I closed my eyes and entered the darkness, like driving at night, into the unknown. You were a blessed reminder of all that I have learnt thus far, a lesson meant to teach me that I have not made it far at all. I continuously attempt to run, without first learning how to crawl. You could have had it all, yet chose to fester as forcedly as a squall. Tumultuous and uneasy, I chase butterflies on my own; the ones you made me feel from the very scent of your cologne. Renewed, my batteries will have to recharge once again, we could have remained friends but even that would be pretend. Unambiguously betrayed by my emotions for the last time, I pucker my lips and drink you in, you were the finest wine. Swindled, I pack my belongings and take one last look into your eyes, I see the sun setting on the dreams we could have shared, and it is just enough to make me break. I saw my lies reflected therein, and it was all too much to take. Shattering my sense of security, reality is the most vile and cold hearted snake.

Deaf

If it were easier to let go, I would run and never look back. Allow my train to derail, leaving life's tracks. I would start anew in a country unknown, just to feel my heart beat again, to know that it is not made of stone. But you make it so hard to leave your pretty eyes, the thought of life without you, makes me want to cry. I would sob for days, trying to atone for my mistake. I always run back into your arms that never fail to shelter me from harm. I might be called a coward, weaker than most because I stay with you. But the ones that call me names, have lived their lives in glass houses, decorated in shades of blue. I cannot express how lonely it feels to be depressed, how you ignited the spark that set fire to my heart. You are the summer breeze that cools my skin in the scorching heat, the missing piece that makes life's puzzle complete. The water that hydrates when I am slaked with thirst, and the number one that always strives to come first. We may not match or be alike at all, but you balance out my discrepancies and add cushion to my falls. You support me better than anyone has known how to before, you have restored my will to survive, my spirit is not restless anymore. You know me inside and out, even when I am filled with doubts, your love remains pure and always devout. Your hand's print always remains, in my own, even long after you have departed. My lips are now stained by your kiss, as I am always questioning whether this should have ended before it started. I can feel your heart beating through your chest, I hear every whispered word you say whenever you are stressed. I am unlike the others, I never look before I leap, always unconcerned with what is within the norm. In my world, proper is an endangered word. Happiness can come later, I would much rather be excited and thrilled, for all that we have to look forward to and the home that we will build. I do not care for fancy things, just someone whom I can grow old laughing with. We will sail the seven seas and then climb the mountains high. Still, I wonder whether I should have ever said goodbye, to those eyes so pretty, that fill me with such glee because it is unfair to drag you into my misery. I can no longer pretend that I still love you as much as I did on day one, but I can definitely say that your warmth fills me like the sun's. Your vibrant aura offers me a sense of comfort and security, but it is still unfair to selfishly remain, just to avoid feeling lonely. One is the loneliest number, and I have experienced it all before, but I still think it is much worse than feeling tired and ignored. I cannot change the way I feel, or turn back the hands of time, but I can guarantee that I will love you as long as you are mine. We will go to the opera, and speak in languages of love that we have never understood before. And when the sun has set, we will find shells along the seashore. This reckless love has stood the test of time so fine, ignite it and it might explode like turpentine. I can no longer deplore that you are the only one that my heart will ever beat for, your name is embedded deep within my chest, and I promise to show you that together we are deafeningly blessed.