Fear

Defeated, I turned to the Gods and berated them for the way I was mistreated. I was your punching bag for far too long, your abuse became the lyrics of my pathetic song. Days blurred into nights, as I awaited for the strength inside to flee or fight. I ran for the hills once I realized that you were the poison that would lead to my demise. Cries of agony and confusion built the foundation for my new life, one devoid of you, colourful and bright. I was misunderstood in the days of your tyrannical empire, until I realized my identity had been replaced by one of a liar. I lost touch with myself, no longer knew the colour of my own soul. I see with greater clarity, that you were the reason why my heart felt bleak, and blackened like coal. The fire inside died out, leaving me cold and shivering with mistrust. I turned to many in my time of need, but they just shook their heads in disgust. They no longer saw the majesty that once lived within my eyes, instead they saw the desperation that made me believe in all of your lies. I hid amongst the shadows relying on others to make me feel my worth, like a premature child delivered months prior to his date of birth. I am a work in progress, hoping to fill my pages with love for myself once again. I need to learn to trust myself in order for my heart to mend. I will search the world for ways to be the man that I once knew, and not this version of myself moulded by your words untrue. In my most catatonic of states, I am forced to choke on the freedom that you long revoked. I let the cool, Spring air burst into my lungs, yearning to taste the sweetness of success on my tongue. I am all out of love, yet I do not need to be outlived. Condensed by my sense of loneliness, I turn the tide and allow myself to feel renewed. Once again, I spread my wings and fly, hoping to soar to heights you prevented me from dreaming of. Life has extended me an olive branch and I have apprehensively accepted, even though I had rejected it in the past. Like Noah's dove, I see land in the distance and I know my salvation is just out of reach. I was a mere passenger on your Titanic for too long, I refused to save myself from your sinking ship and lost it all instead. No longer filled with dread, I remove the veil from my eyes as hope aligns itself with the pages of my life that have yet to be read. I can breathe freely, unburdened of your baggage that turned my heart to stone. My sins atoned, relief feels bittersweet as I enter a world full of wonders unknown. Postponed my release out of fear that I would not like what I would find, I feel blind as I refuse to look back, accepting that you are the trauma that needed to be left behind. I see the sun rise for the first time without you by my side, and for the first time in years, I know that everything will be just fine.