Infidelity.

Crimson red bloodshed crimes against the love you claimed that you would feel until the day that you were dead. Body bag black as I have suffered my final heart attack at the lack of courtesy you showed as you twisted the knife that you had already driven into my burned back. Coffee stained teeth from hours of counseling, actively seeking the support of friends in the hopes that my bleeding heart would one day mend. Clear as the tide on a bright and crisp shiny morning, I see now what I refused to accept, the red flags, lipstick stains, and the ice cold warnings that caused our love to degenerate and then deflect. Insidiously injected you directly into my veins, when I should have instead rejected you, taken control of my life again and retrieved it by the reins. My melody unchained, my song echos throughout these empty halls, as I sit and berate myself gratuitously, this is your curtain call. Take a bow, you played at faithful so well, until your flesh began to fall away, and revealed that you were truly the gatekeeper, and I was in my own Hell. You kissed others and although I could tell, I chose to pull the veil further over my eyes, and continue hoping to be rescued in others' wishing wells. Suddenly sullen, you became more transparent than in days that had already come and gone, and all it took was a shake of my magic wand, which detached me from you emotionally, to ensure that you would no longer turn me on. Fade to black again, it's suddenly become so clear. You were the reason, the voice in my head that would never silence nor disappear. Green with envy now, as you see me carelessly sailing among the rest. I will never assimilate or merely fit in, but I will always stand out in any crowd for you; no longer jaded by your jest, bitterness subdued, I am still better than the best.

Vanilla Sky.

No longer searching for validation in the faces of foes that are dead behind the eyes, I have grown stronger than ever before, as I realize that a new moon will always rise in my vanilla sky. Although my horizon may have gone grim, growing greyer upon each further glance, I am slowly learning to accept fate, and leave the rest to pomp and circumstance. Creatures of the night, that I once called friends, have become caricatures of themselves; my time alone, and new found inner strength have aided me on my never-ending journey to discover where my dreams now dwell. Enticed and exhilarated, I now see that I am able to pull through and endure, things that others have only feared in the past, I am no longer the curse, but instead, I hold the keys that will unlock the cure. Sycophants sullenly seek to silence the sunrise behind my eyes, flattery once got them everywhere but now I see through the endless lies. Grandiosity, delusions, and schizophrenic rants and raves, will soon be the hieroglyphics of my archaic past that will be found by future generations inside their caves. Brilliance attempted to befriend me, but I chose the beauty that my eyes beheld, your demons and their witchery were the reasons that even I became be-spelled. Resplendent cacophonies and their musicality that dances inside my mind, remind me of the melodies that met misery; envious, and always unkind. Religion ridiculed me, rained rabidly on my head, but I fraudulently remained to fight, choosing flight instead. Nurture was my nature, Freud was speechless when he met me as well; Marxism sealed the deal, and sent me sailing towards my own socialistic Hell. I conveniently knew how to lie, and thus play the game by the time I had turned six, whilst all the other little girls and boys were still teeming with excitement over mindless magic tricks. Faster than the speed of light, my neutrinos never fail to awe or shock, I am increasingly unlocking my own happiness, and finding the shepherd that will lead my fallen flock. Brick by boring brick, I beam as I build myself a new life, devoid of negativity, embedded with empathy, and full of the fluorescence achieved without a single drop or slice of sombre strife. I aim for immortality injected directly into my veins, the infinite energy will be the building blocks and foundation of my new brain. Another Earth parallel to the universe that exists inside my soul, will be the guidance that I need to heal, and regenerate so I can prosper, and regain securely stable self control.

Paradigm Shift.

I sit and stare in wonderment, contemplating all the things that could have been, although my own stubbornness prevented me from attaining the joys that I had seen, in dreams. The foolishness inside flickered, went out without a fight, as I crawled through the dark, stumbling, suffocating searching for the light. I am the only thing that stands in my own way, my own worst critic, harshest on the coldest days. I cringe and cower at the concept of a life without conflict, the grass is always greener on the other side as mine always appears to look unfit. I refuse to accept the happiness and bliss that I know I truly deserve, choosing instead to live in a state of constant suffering, internalizing all of the sadness that I observe. The wails inside tremor, shake me like earthquakes of the worst magnitude, as I build up my walls higher, hoping to gain clarity at a greater altitude. Impenetrable fortress that I am, no man will ever break me again, but only because I am my own worst enemy, and will not allow my heart to detach itself from my brain. I protect love with my head, using insight, and logic instead; rationalizing reason though it still rages ravenously and dyes my insides bloody red. Once I accept love and light into my life, I know that I will stand taller than the rest, but until that moment arrives, I will remain cursed by the demons from my past that demean me and do not let me become blessed. Negative energy that surrounds me, will not flow freely and stays trapped inside my chest, berating, and blaming me for leaving it unaddressed. Blackened eyes to match my heart, bruised and battered from the start, I will make the change I need to depart from this mindset that cages my most chaotic, and creative art. Growing up, I gain myself, on my own, alone but never lonely, I am really the only one that can stop myself from feeling so languid, and lecherously lowly. Glorious, ghoulish death that pokes, and prods at me with its cold and bony fingers, greets me by gossiping about me, staying slightly out of sight, although it always lingers. I welcome it with open arms and accept that this might really be the end, by giving up, I am letting go, my paradigm shifts preparing me to take the final steps needed in order to truly mend. I will do it all differently, this time, I will actually become my own best friend, turn the hands of time forward, not back, as I ready myself internally to transcend; I am on the road to recovery, on a path that meanders, giving me the means to finally make amends and mend.

Renewed.

Your affected, infection laced ignorance will not function anymore, as you assume that all will forever be forgiven, yet you conveniently forget what we were even fighting for. I gave you many chances, danced for you, and helped you advance. I held your hand through your darkest hour only to become the recipient of your bad romance. Entranced, I stared into your starry eyes hoping you would whisk me away into the sky, only to realize that you were faking it this whole time, choke back your tears, say goodbye, I refuse to remain your greatest war crime. Your Hitler hail can no longer sear my skin, falling from the Heavens only to cover me in sin. You coveted the key to these chains that bound me to your acid rain, bathed me in blisters, that denoted disdain. Virulent vengeance and the vanity it wanted to veer, made it crystal clear that you congealed the bloody cross that I once held so dear. I can play at happy, plaster a smile on my face, and pretend that it is all okay but petulant pretenses in a world so grey only lead to deprivation, demise, and one's decay. I rise from the ashes of our house that you burned down to the ground, soar into the skies, no longer lost but instead profound. The cheery disposition I once maintained has returned, no cause for concern, a new leaf has turned. One was thought to be the loneliest number, but we are two of a kind like the flickering flecks of sun that often get ignored, and then left behind. We are not too different from the solitary stars that try with all their might, to provide light to cities overrun with pollution, all throughout the night. With no use for one another, I found myself in the suffering brought upon my heart through being apart, realized then and there that I was not off to the greatest start. I am confident, and proud, full of potential, yet rarely obnoxious or loud. On the worst days, I forget why I exist, but then look up to the skies, and consider all of the potential that I contain for continuous, and endless bliss. I am my own worst critic, as I often refuse to allow myself to progress, though happiness fills each pore, and every fibre, and will pave the road to my success. Once again, I take the reins, as I am reminded that it is not all pain, nor is it so bad in the end. I tighten my laces, take hold of the sutures, and begin the healing that I know will ultimately allow for me to mend. As of today, I will no longer accept the sorrow lined streets that result in my feeling subdued; I look to the Heavens grateful for the breath that escapes from my lips, I feel so renewed.