Exhale

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Exhale.

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Today at 17:15 | Edit note | Delete

You are the moon that bows down at night to kiss my cheek, and the rays of sun that comfort me throughout the week. I know all this and still, I feel life's ropes pulling me away from you. Logic and reason reign supreme over emotions and lust, as I climb further up the ladder, hoping to be rescued from your torturous love. I know that I must leave as I am no longer your muse, hurt by the lies and deceit you concealed within your sleeve. It took me too long to realize that I had been fooled. Your caresses were just lies and I was your mule. Used like a tool, I ran for the hills, ashamed and irritated for my heart that I spilt. I poured it out to you, filling vials with this naive, and unconditional love. Instead, you continued your charade, your innocence feigned as my stupidity burns and cuts like a blade. I should have known better than to allow you into my world, my sanctuary ruined as you have robbed me of my words, defiled like my skin upon your touch, and still somehow you assume that I owe you so much. I am a king on my own but with you I am a slave; your servant no more, the serpent within rises from the ashes, refusing to be your whore. Washed ashore, your ship should have sank when loving you became a chore. Bored now, I summon the courage, wisdom and strength that defined me prior to your havoc-ridden entrance into my life. With my pen as my knife, I vow to reveal your discrepancies for all to see, how your mistreatment led to the reeducation of me. I will reign triumphantly now that you are gone, as you silently weep for me, growing more withdrawn with each passing day. I am so afraid but I am great at faking it, I will take over the world now that I am no longer forced to commit to someone that refused to admit that this love was inequitable. The tables have turned once again, and I am the hunter while you are my prey. Another dragon slayed, I can see the end to your cursed fairy tale, I will prevail, no longer your victim, I can finally exhale.

Illumination

I close my eyes and hide behind my hands, try to explain but no one seems to understand. The world itself is crying out for help, as we continue to meander from the truth and squander our wealth on ourselves. We could have saved the children that turned into tyrants and unjust kings, educated our siblings and taught them to do the noble thing. Instead we turned the other cheek, veiled but rarely modest or discreet, hoping to never encounter poverty within our own streets. Feral children fearlessly face famine and frustration, genocides and war have become the cause that they live to die for. But instead we feign ignorance and dance to rhythmic beats. If I could change the world with my hands or even with my pen, I would serve the Earth's inhabitants and help them feel complete again. How fair is it for us to build castles when they can only build theirs in the sky, injustice and punishment are their only lullabies. Women in the Middle East are attacked for their honour every single day, while their Western counterparts have the freedom to attend soirées. Oppression is the reason why men are often reduced to mice, repressed and ignored as they battle over rations of rice. Coincidentally, we choose our battles here and take the freedom to choose for granted, enchanted like the accursed forests and whales so often implanted in children's fairy tales. I made the choice to fail, when I could have fought to win it all. And at the end of the day, I realize, that I am the only one that I can blame for my repeated falls. I will rise up against myself, prohibit toxicity from affecting my health. I will take responsibility for my lack of action, until I can comfort myself with the satisfaction that I have craved for far too long. My swan song will result in an upheaval, a reinvention so powerful and bright. One day, in the not too distant future, I will help my brothers fight. Against the injustice that burdens their souls, and the subjugation that chills their bones. I will strive to build new homes for the unfortunate ones who have been the victims of earthquakes and cyclones. The proof is in the pudding and it is finally clear to me, that everything is as impermanent as Buddha revealed for all to see. I no longer crave the material things that brought me joy when I was naive. I believe the time has come for the world's final reprieve, no longer forced to bereave in a land that chooses to misbehave. I will be the kind and gentle knave that bravely rescued and freed the slaves. The room is now illuminated and I see the puppets on their strings, dancing while they further entangle themselves in a web of misery. I praise the Heavens mercifully because I have been enlightened by the greatest gift, Mother nature sheds her final tears as the gears continue to shift.

Fear

Defeated, I turned to the Gods and berated them for the way I was mistreated. I was your punching bag for far too long, your abuse became the lyrics of my pathetic song. Days blurred into nights, as I awaited for the strength inside to flee or fight. I ran for the hills once I realized that you were the poison that would lead to my demise. Cries of agony and confusion built the foundation for my new life, one devoid of you, colourful and bright. I was misunderstood in the days of your tyrannical empire, until I realized my identity had been replaced by one of a liar. I lost touch with myself, no longer knew the colour of my own soul. I see with greater clarity, that you were the reason why my heart felt bleak, and blackened like coal. The fire inside died out, leaving me cold and shivering with mistrust. I turned to many in my time of need, but they just shook their heads in disgust. They no longer saw the majesty that once lived within my eyes, instead they saw the desperation that made me believe in all of your lies. I hid amongst the shadows relying on others to make me feel my worth, like a premature child delivered months prior to his date of birth. I am a work in progress, hoping to fill my pages with love for myself once again. I need to learn to trust myself in order for my heart to mend. I will search the world for ways to be the man that I once knew, and not this version of myself moulded by your words untrue. In my most catatonic of states, I am forced to choke on the freedom that you long revoked. I let the cool, Spring air burst into my lungs, yearning to taste the sweetness of success on my tongue. I am all out of love, yet I do not need to be outlived. Condensed by my sense of loneliness, I turn the tide and allow myself to feel renewed. Once again, I spread my wings and fly, hoping to soar to heights you prevented me from dreaming of. Life has extended me an olive branch and I have apprehensively accepted, even though I had rejected it in the past. Like Noah's dove, I see land in the distance and I know my salvation is just out of reach. I was a mere passenger on your Titanic for too long, I refused to save myself from your sinking ship and lost it all instead. No longer filled with dread, I remove the veil from my eyes as hope aligns itself with the pages of my life that have yet to be read. I can breathe freely, unburdened of your baggage that turned my heart to stone. My sins atoned, relief feels bittersweet as I enter a world full of wonders unknown. Postponed my release out of fear that I would not like what I would find, I feel blind as I refuse to look back, accepting that you are the trauma that needed to be left behind. I see the sun rise for the first time without you by my side, and for the first time in years, I know that everything will be just fine.

Dopamine

I vowed to avoid the ones my mother warned me all about, the ones she said I could do without. I chose to ignore her advice, jumped in head first instead, and now I pay the price. Your lies were not enough to make me steer clear of your eyes. I wanted to taste your sin and let it course throughout my veins, injected for the perfect high, sending waves of dopamine throughout my brain. You were my demise, we could have ruled the world. Your throne remains empty now, you should have been my earl. Contrary to the thoughts you expressed full of sorrow, covered in doubt; I would have given you my heart, been the rain that cured your drought. I held your hands in mine for the shortest moment in time, sublime yet insecure, I felt so unsure right from the start. I wanted to be whimsical, and pretend that it could work. But instead you reached into my chest and tore out my love, with the iciest smirk. My ups and downs were no match for your stagnation; like I was stuck in cement, the slightest move would have led to my damnation. I would have given you the world and pressed it into your tiny palm, offered you my last remnants of water, if only to ensure that you would stay calm. Your lips were fire and I burnt in silence, ignored the searing of my own. I closed my eyes and entered the darkness, like driving at night, into the unknown. You were a blessed reminder of all that I have learnt thus far, a lesson meant to teach me that I have not made it far at all. I continuously attempt to run, without first learning how to crawl. You could have had it all, yet chose to fester as forcedly as a squall. Tumultuous and uneasy, I chase butterflies on my own; the ones you made me feel from the very scent of your cologne. Renewed, my batteries will have to recharge once again, we could have remained friends but even that would be pretend. Unambiguously betrayed by my emotions for the last time, I pucker my lips and drink you in, you were the finest wine. Swindled, I pack my belongings and take one last look into your eyes, I see the sun setting on the dreams we could have shared, and it is just enough to make me break. I saw my lies reflected therein, and it was all too much to take. Shattering my sense of security, reality is the most vile and cold hearted snake.