Asceticism.

With each breath it becomes clearer that I have only now just started to live, ungrateful for so long, each day arrived and left with my unwillingness to accept that one of them could be my last.  I lived in the playgrounds of my past and in the fantasies of my future as though the present was a hindrance to the dreams of days that may never even arrive.  On auto-pilot as I raced towards false notions of success, failing to appreciate the beauty passing by in my rear view.  The gift of life, itself, was collecting dust from neglect forgotten on a shelf, ignored as I chased material possessions that I believed would define my worth. Mansions and Mercedes revered more than nature in all its glory, as the pages of my life were filled with greed, until encountering the worst and best of humanity helped me rewrite my story.  Seeing third world poverty up close helped wake me up, as I was conditioned to think having nothing was a tragedy; until I looked closer and realized that devoid of wealth, these people were far happier than the richest men that I have met.  We are programmed to reach higher, strive for more even when our cup is overflowing; this ideology breeds an endless cycle of dissatisfaction.  Never happy because we are taught to try harder than we already have, we begin to self-destruct under the incredible weight of inadequacy.  We idealize the elite for the fortunes they have amassed, and criticize the weak for the success they seem to lack.  Asceticism is no match for the American dream that is in reality a nightmare, the false promise of wealth for all leaves us oppressed and unhappy.  I was merely content for far too long, fixated on fame at any cost; the reminder of my own mortality through loss was all it took to remind me of the many ways in which I am blessed.  To forget the miracle of life, that we essentially die every night to be revived by the sunlight or that every atom inside of me has a purpose that my ego chose to deny.  The only guarantee we have is that our hearts will one day beat no more, each new day that I am revived fills me with awe and gratitude for having been reborn.