Kash Baloch — Poetry on Identity, Love, and Survival

Oxytocin sweet when I knocked you off your feet, not familiar with defeat, I craved you like a carnivore craves meat.  Not sorry for not concealing my conceit, but I cannot help but think about us between the sheets, and I know that I will be like a cat in heat until we kiss then complete.  Playful but passionate as two become one, my Earth orbits your sun, breathe new life into me, do me but I will not be outdone, I always play my cards right until I have won.  Batter up now baby, we will not stop until we have hit a homerun, I will leave you stunned, like a virgin, once again you will feel undone.  Cashmere caresses that will make you feel at ease, at peace as if you were sailing the seas, my lips as soft as a summer breeze, lay back and let me love you until you are pleased.  Tingles up your spine and down to your knees, surrender as my army enters your castle like a siege, until you shiver with sheer pleasure as you are seized, unlocked now by my keys. ...

The chaos of my carcinogen filled past crystallizes in my already callous heart, creating numbness inside of me replacing the reasons why I was ever compelled or consoled by others' art.  Agonized by apathy, fairweather friends quickly become foes to me, as I am assaulted by their animosity, how could I  be so naive as to assume that they were ever good for me?  I am not a sacred saint nor am I a spiteful sinner, yet I am surely self-aware enough to see that out of these soulless sods I am a winner.  Waging wars against me with words that they can barely spell or pronounce, we will have to wait to see who is laughing in the end when they are renounced.  Robotic little creatures attempting to be worthy wolves though they are really just sad little sheep bestowed with the lowest quality of wool.  Loyal to no one, these lice would sell their own mothers for a pity of a price, unaware of the benefits to be reaped from compromise or sacrifice.  I disassocia...

Regression, often my greatest weapon when I feel defensive cheapens my thrills and makes me immune to confession.  I crawl into another layer of skin to avoid the sinking feeling that I am covered in sin then build my castle walls higher to prevent myself from caving in.  Instead of learning the lesson that lies in front of me, I choose to circumflect and tip toe around the misery.  Regret comes when you fail to learn from your mistakes, repeating the same patterns that result in getting burned at the stake.  Wise beyond my years, my foresight ensures that I bend but never break yet something beneath the surface aches to put an end to the artificiality of being fake.  Obsessing day and night about the changes that I need to make, perpetually planning and calculating ways to protect myself from heartbreak.  Midnight falls accompanied by the clarity I crave, I rant, I rave although I do not take the steps to see that my soul is saved.  I age backwards, r...

Crimson not just scarlet letters take this house and taint its poorly painted walls, as you continue to hide behind your defences and blame me for all of our falls.  I made the decision long ago to stop being a victim yet society keeps thinking that I am unhappy.  How much more time do I need to spend convincing them to let me be?  Traveled far and wide to realize that love truly comes from within, but then they act as if loving thyself is just a sin.  Tired of fighting for your affection in these silly hunger games, you need to play right to keep my attention or I will soon forget your name.  The predator has become the prey as I feel myself growing weak between the knees, count my blessings daily in the hopes of gaining much needed release.  Tossed and turned throughout the night as your words were ringing in my head, replaying every conversation to listen to all the things that were left unsaid.  Experience not maturity  has taught me how to bi...

I used to think that hope solely floated amidst silver lined clouds, made up by dreamers to keep us fighting for the things that made our hearts beat loud but now I know that it exists, relieved of all my doubts; I can finally breathe again made more resilient by my many shouts.  Growing up not down is more complex than the cycles of the sun, learning to walk now that all I have ever known to do is run; had my share of ups, downs and a lifetime's worth of fun, I am quickly becoming the man I have always had inside, I am the one.  No longer intimidated by the person that I was meant to be, the smile on my face is here to stay as I am truly happy, reflecting on the prisoner I was, so prone to aggression, makes me count my blessings now that I have decided to remain free.  Patience, like a stranger to me, has locked itself in my house and thrown away the key, I now strangely think before I speak, refusing to retaliate or act spitefully whenever I am feeling weak.  Humbl...

Now privy to the knowledge that kisses from roses taste sweeter than the rest, you have made me blossom like a cherry tree in spring, and shown me that real love can make a man feel better than his best.  Daisies and daffodils I have had many on my long and jaded quest, but the sweet embrace of us fulfills my secret garden more poignantly than the others, I must confess.  My water slakes your thirst as your oxygen breathes new life into me so beautifully, enamoured I feed hungrily as I promise to sustain you just as dutifully.  You have ended the drought that filled my world with weeds, making me feel so dark; like a gardener, you cleansed the soil around me that was slowly beginning to poison my heart.  Like art, I am the painter and you are my canvas, I take your hand in my own longing to chase away your fears and prevent you from ever again feeling anxious.  Our tulips bow blissfully, prostrating in submission to the passion that overflows from my cup into yo...

Filled with new light and perspective, I no longer feel the need to be so defensive as I realize that idle talk is just cheap while the refusal to achieve my goals comes at a price that is more expensive.  My heart is once again open as my smile has ceased to be so pensive.  Yet somehow you still deny that I have altered, still act though I tripped, stumbled, and faltered.  Right as rain, I have changed; grown as tall as the redwood trees.  While you have merely remained a name wistfully whispered by their leaves' lonely breeze.  Unnerved and at ease, my spirit sails amongst the stars as it silently reflects on how I have travelled so far.  Crossed heartbreak hotels which were the homes where I once lived.  Happier now than ever before now that I am finally growing up; I am no longer just a kid.  Yet somehow you still deny that I am wise beyond my years.  Hold on to the notion that I am still haunted by my fears.  You refuse to accept th...

Acceptance, like a silent blessing swoops in and ensures me that I will see an end to my suffering.  Like the light at the end of my tunnel, hope floats towards me as I take hold, no longer worried that my life will forever be filled with trouble.  I now stop to smell the flowers, surprised that they can still smell so sweet, although I am more conscious yet comfortable with the fact that I am flying solo down a one way street, I know deep inside that it will not result in my death or defeat.  No longer filled with malice or deceit, I have made the decision to practise what I perpetually preach, as I sit in the lotus position, begin my meditation, and prepare myself to assist others with the knowledge that fills my cup, then overflows, each and every week.  Callous complaints that once coexisted with cockiness inside my heart no longer provide me with a false sense of relief, I am growing taller, and stronger every day as I become aware of the king that resides withi...

Sober never seemed like it could ever be so serene, until I was taken outside of myself and forced to accept that all that glitters is not necessarily as beautiful as it might seem.  Purified perspective points me in the right direction and paints a picture of a person that I thought long ago had abandoned me and set out to create mass internal destruction.  No longer coveting all things covered in the colour black, as I fight back, feeling renewed, more confident in my ability to avert others' acidic attacks.  I am not a sheep yet for so long I got lost amongst a failing flock, I am actually Bo Peep, the solo shepherd who controls the block.  Removed from my resources, I found the greatest gift of all, resurrected, stronger than ever, no longer weak enough to slip or fall.  Once again, I can see the light that had died behind my eyes, assured that I have become someone that I can love, instead of the social pariah I was, that I despised.  I am ready to tak...

You think you're tricky but you're really not tricking anyone, foolish maybe because baby. you are still the foolish one.  Trapped in a maze that your denial weaved, wrapped in a web of lies caused by your own deceit and disease.  Sure, you can play house with any Tom, Dick, or Harry but at night when it's cold, and you feel lonely, it's just scary.  Traumatized by me?  No, accept fault for once, you were too weak to try me, which is why you've failed more than once.  A part of me, let's call it naive, believed that one day we could achieve serenity but those thoughts are now bereaved.  Your careless vehicle carried my heart as its passenger until the last day; right now, when I have released myself from your boughs, I am ready to throw down.  Temporary insanity brain of yours tried to tell me that you missed what was not just once, but twice already yours.  You have used up all your coupons now though, which explains why you're running around tow...

There is a tiny voice at the deepest darkest void that calls out for hope although it is one I often avoid.  Instead I poison myself with alcohol, intoxicating me until I am irrelevant, and oblivious yet I am not insidious.  I want to listen to the voice within that beseeches me to stop my sins but instead I have another drink, numbing the pain and silence, consistently on the brink.  On the verge of something exciting yet always a few steps back, it is almost as if I dare to react and risk undergoing my own personal massive attack.  I am unsure how to continue when I can feel my heart breaking in my chest, shattering into a million pieces; why couldn't it be as easy for me as it is for the rest?  My journey has led me to fleeting moments of hope where I could feel a new sun dawning on my day but then it has also victimized me, raped me, beaten me, and made me its prey.  I am only human, how much more am I supposed to take?  How much must I be forsaken...

I hear you in the silence that has replaced your vibrant voice, and in the emptiness that remains, it is an all-encompassing void.  Your laughter fills the rooms of the house that I live in, it has failed to stay a home, even the walls seem to be sealed with suffering.  The shadows at night conceal you, tricking my cognition into thinking that it was just a dream but then I see your picture and I am forced to accept that all that glitters is not necessarily what it may seem.  In my mind's eye, I envision you, always looking your best; decked out to the nines, you were in a class above the rest.  The loneliness is daunting as you haunt me everywhere I go, it is even more alarming when I can almost hear you singing along to songs that you loved on the radio.  The sweet scent of your fragrance lingers, stronger than ever before, it ebbs and flows and tickles my nose, confusing my conscience through its thunderous throes.  The flowers bow their heads in respect...

Satisfied in my own skin, I no longer feel the need to question whether I will encounter an end to my suffering.  Calm, collected, and cool, I refuse to continue to be everybody's fool.  There were days past where my heart's truth leaked from my sleeve until I found the strength within to finally get up and leave.  I am the beauty now although I was once the beast, as I forced myself to realize that I had simply been settling for the least.  Here I rise, growing taller than the trees, I will be sky high, you will even feel my spirit in the warm, summer breeze.  A glimpse into my eyes will take you on a carousel ride, round and round you will go until you confide that if you had even walked a mile in my shoes, you would want to run, repress, and then hide.  My transformation began with accepting my flaws, improving and maturing in the hopes of separating myself from the boy who would laugh in the face of the law.  I outlive, outplay, then outlast the wo...

The sullenly sudden separation between sword and stone were sadly signifying that we were both growing old.  The vibrancy in your eyes has started to grow dull, as your determination, and drive for life have suddenly come to a lull.  I look at you and no longer see the passion that once lived behind your eyes, no longer see the little man who had the biggest plans.  Has life been this bad to you?  To make you lose your will to excel?  Or is it that with each new day, you are miles away from what you came here for anyway and closer to your own personal Hell.  I glance in the mirror and realize that this man is me, yet instead I choose to circumflect, and pretend that he is outside of my own body.  By accepting no fault, the onus becomes anyone else's but my own, taking responsibility for my lack of self-love entails that these sins are not mine to atone.  Blood on my fingers from the crimes I commit, hoping the glove will not fit and that the jury ...

These endless tears flow from my eyes and pierce through the paper canvas of my life.  As hard as I try to paint with vibrancy and colour, the blacks and whites overpower my wishes, revealing the sadness that lies dormant, and is undercover.  Every step forward often results in several leaps back, this process repeats until I no longer have the strength to fight back.  Empty vessel heart of mine that overflows and leaves me inept, carelessly reveals the emotions that I have tried so hard to repress.  I know that I am stronger, I have taken beatings worse than this, yet despite the knowledge that I possess the power of Thor, somehow, something remains amiss and leaves me yearning for more.  It consistently pulls me into the darkest abyss, that tears up my insides, and uncovers the memories which I refuse to relive or  reminisce.  I am only human, there is only so much I can take before I am filled with thunder, and the anger within awakes.  It shak...

You infantile, prepubescent, pathetic little child, why do you play at staying calm, when it's clear to observers that your emotions are running wild?  You claim to be the most stunning, although your beauty is hardly even mild.  Give up the act and foolishness, it is starting to become quite tired.  Despised through all the land, you are most similiar to the king who has played his last hand.  Like a genie annoyed with granting wishes, your wishes are no longer my command.  I have given in to your last demands, and see that, now more than ever, you are hardly a man.  Lost little boy with your bag full of lies, open your eyes and realize that you are despised.  Your inability to accept fault is murdering your allies, as you acquired the inability to shock, your failed attempts for attention are no longer a surprise.  Once, you were a prize, now you are a curse, no longer a blessing, but quite the reverse.  Stuck on repeat, your lessons are mo...

Tragic time ticks away and tricks me into thinking that we are almost done, as my memories of us have started to feel more like bullets in my loaded gun.  If you knew you were unhappy, why did you smile like you were having so much fun?  I should have known better than to think that you were ever the one.  Now, you should feel guilty for the way you made me believe, that paradise was just around the corner, as if Eden was something that we could achieve.  I feel so deceived, as I watch you walk away unfazed, looking so relieved.  Lying on the floor with my heart in my hands, I slowly give up, refusing to give in to any of your last demands.  Yet, I still hardly understand, how you failed to be the one to deliver me to my Promised Land. Something has got to give before I end up sad and lonely again, naivety has run its course as you are sadly still my hunger pain.  I am unsure what to do now that my life is barraged with rain, as I wash my hands clean o...

The saddest day of my life was unexpected and blindsighted me in a single, sorrowful instant, time stood still that very day as I was forced to accept that it was not a misprint. Frozen, I stood not wanting to accept that you had been chosen, to return to God to watch over us, you were always so ambrosian. My voice failed me, as I tried to hold my head up high and stand tall and strong, not wanting to reveal that I really felt like it would get caught in my chest, like the saddest song. Now I sing the blues, for I know what real pain can do; how it can turn one's frown upside down, leaving them feeling worse than if they had been subdued. I wish I could undo the sadness, or turn back the hands of time, wish I could dismiss my ability to reminisce, and gain eternal sunshine in my spotless mind. I watched your slow decline, saw your spirit slowly begin to give up, and then to fade; instead of reverting to the lost little boy I was when first subjected with loss, I will count my ...

The lack of communication brought on the demise of our relations, like an ancient civilization, falling apart; it all resulted in the overwhelming frustration that led to the condemnation of my bruised and battered, broken heart. We were of Atlantis, as our continent slowly flooded, entering a state of total disrepair. Sumerian Gods could not have saved us, for ours had become a planet devoid of oxygen, how were we supposed to breathe with no air? Slowly but surely, our lifelines were cut, as we floated much too far out at sea, with the remaining strength within me, I prayed for salvation, for an escape, or an end to the misery of your company. I stayed because you made it so convenient, gave me stability and security at the cost of my very soul. Naive and foolish me, like a kitten, I continued to drink the poisoned milk that you would provide for me, endlessly, in the most deceiving bowls. I watched you stray, silently, refusing to accept that we had reached our untimely end. F...

Denial, like a double sided sword, cuts deeper when coupled with remorse, as reality and its harshness has started to run its course. Grief grows thicker than fog making it hard to see the tunnel, let alone the light at its dreary end, as I muster all of my knowledge in the attempt to comprehend how to create a new beginning from a story that refuses to end. Something from nothing but at what cost, how much more compromise will it take before I have mastered the art of being my own boss? Soul searching should not feel selfish, yet for some reason it always does, as the inability to accept things for what they are has started to deeply affect the beauty that once was. If I could, I would rewind time to the days when life always seemed so easy, instead my present preyed on my past, making the world that surrounded me become so sleazy. Shadowed by my doubts, my potential stagnates inside me like milk that sits on the counter waiting to turn sour, as I pace and watch life pass me by,...

Time stands still as it all still feels so surreal, refusing to speed up so my heart can heal. My mind races with questions as denial pulses through my veins, like abstract art, this life has become a mystery to my brain. Childless parents and parentless children, we can become orphans in a single, somber instant. Wartorn world that we live in is imperfect as can be, yet the selfishness that ravages my insides wishes that you were still here with me. Words turn into water in the palm of my hands, slipping away from my cognition like the finest grains of sand, yet I still cannot understand why death tears apart my Wonderland. Although I am a soldier and have survived many atrocities, I would go through it all again to have my best friend right next to me. My role model is gone, I am like a sheep without its shepherd now, as I look to the stars that light up the night sky and dare to ask my maker how. How is it that dictators, hatemongers, and ugliness remain yet beauty is taken a...

The lines between reality and unclarity are blurred, as the voices in my head that attempt to accept that you have passed prefer to remain whispered. In you, I saw the brightest light, your future seemed so promising, as the love I have for you remains, never wilting, only blossoming. You were my greatest role model, I looked up to you even when you were down. And now as the sands of time turn, I die a little inside knowing that you will be lowered into the ground. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, from the Earth you came, and in God I trust, that you will forever remain a part of me, a star in my sky that shines brighter than the rest. Like the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west, my love for you was so magnificent, I gave you nothing short of my best. My greatest role model that I would stay up late to emulate as I watched you with adoring eyes, those same eyes fill with tears now that I know that you have reached your premature demise. I found you lying face down and ...

Disillusionment deepens the depression that drearily duets with one's demise; I dance disenchanted denying the depression that dared to darken and dye your divine eyes. Misery mated with melancholia and made me mourn the melodies that you mustered that I often mistook for lullabies, as the fire inside you chose to flee instead of fight creating embers, then ashes before departing and saying its final goodbye. I am weakened by your weakness, what happened to the wonder that once won and would no longer wash your sorrows ashore? Saddened, I can only speculate now that love don't live here anymore. Everything is nothing now as impermanence asserts itself, the potency of your potential declined and started to melt like the Arctic shelf. Was it not enough that I would hang on to your every word, or was it inadequate, as it is now obvious that your restless spirit felt as caged as a captured bird. Bountiful bliss that I am now forced to accept as a blessing in your place is har...

Through all these years, and all these memories, there has been you. You pulled me through time, and now I search for you. I listen for your voice in the wind that moves my soul. I try to smell your scent, the pleasures that would make you whole. I attempt to feel the touch of your caress, when you would dry the tears that fell from my weary eyes. I dare to question why, you have ceased to exist without allowing room for me to say a proper goodbye. In smoke, I look for you, hoping that you will give me a sign that you have passed onto the other side, and gone home to a place that is free of flawed design. I cry, sob, wail, then weep as the strength comes and goes. Although, you left with grace, I know that your independent nature and spirit chose to leave this world for a better, and far more liberating place. Now that you are gone, I can still feel your energy in everything I do. From the moment I wake, to the last hours of my day, my thoughts and prayers are centred on you....

These tattoo tears that are tumultuous terrorize my eyes, never superfluous. The sadness I've seen is too much for movie screens, wildly, as it moves through the streets, my angered, agitated ambulance careens. I crossed the finish line only to discover it was lined with dirt and not gold, prayed to find someone to hold to ensure that I would survive another night, and make it through the cold. I get older, never wiser, as my torrid past catches up to me and leaves me out at sea. Drowning in my misery, choking on thoughts of suicide that refuse to let me be. The sharper the knife, the lesser the strife that will slowly cut away the pain. The repressed memories and rage can no longer set the stage for the fake smile that gets plastered on my face. Packed my bags, and relinquished the spiritual baggage that kept me grounded within this place. The friends that solely pretend to be concerned have all been abandoned now, as I count the ways in which this camel's back is broke...

I will do what ever it takes to shake you off and make my way to the top. I'll step on your fingers, stand on your back, use and abuse you until you can no longer take my massive attack. I am no longer able to be fake or phony and feign ignorance as if I do not realize that you are far below me. I will always find others that can be more loyal, you were only good for me when I needed you, the milk to my oil but you made the wrong move, and now any chances of us rekindling are spoiled. My path to success will be lined with the blood, sweat and tears of my peers who did not hesitate or think twice before acting weird and not as wise as intelligent as appeared. In arrears, I will display your fears before you, lay them out straight on your front lawn and show you that you doubted me, then kicked me when I was down. That you are troubled now, and are far more entertaining than any common circus clown. From Pierrot to Bozo, Pennywise or Krusty, your jokes are starting to fail to ...

Though my love for you remains unchanged, as we sift through the pieces of our past, now estranged. These padded walls and restraints could not even succeed at making me feel more deranged than you did whenever you would act so strange. Our puzzle remains undone, as our story unfolded to reveal that you were not the one. Not to be outdone, I toyed with your emotions, played you like Russian Roulette, and my words were the gun. I pulled the trigger every time I berated you, filled your head with bullets when I would lament that you were slowly making me lose it. My sanity somehow survived the suffering that singed me every time you would avert your eyes. Your gaze phased me more than the grays of my moods that would drown me in sorrow for several stifling days. Yet somehow I stayed amused, bound to you, allowing myself to wrap further around your fingers as if yours was the hand that fed me; but you misled me. Once I became cognizant of the evil and villainous nature it was so e...

As each second turns to minutes, and the hours start to pass me by, I see with further clarity, that I am slowly but surely becoming the reason why the sun rises each morning in my sky. I work harder to attain the things that I know that I deserve, no more straws will break this camel's back, the very thought of it is even quite absurd. I was made to move mountains, to soar throughout the skies and Heavens above, instead of being created to endlessly search for, but never find, the prospects, and not promises of unrequited love. I am a force of nature, a soothing breeze when I am calm, or a storm on my worst days, that could even intimidate atomic bombs. Slowly but surely, I am winning the race, and becoming the person that even I would want to date, as I pick up the pace and realize that expectations convolute reality, and disappoint when they are late. I grow older, wiser, and become enlightened, as I enter the promised land; I no longer see a reason to seek another man to f...

My tiny hands hold yours whenever the world makes me feel so small, as you whisper words of wisdom, and remind me to breathe to prevent myself from further falls. Inconsistency, no stranger to me, cowers in fear when you are near. You are my tower of hope, beacon of strength, and the rungs to my ladder which help me climb to higher lengths. As I break and shatter as easily as an egg, you crack the whip harder and remind me that I was born a king, and never made to beg. With your support, I am invincible, the sky even fails to be my limit; you have managed to capture my heart in the best of ways, and with it you have won all the beauty, love, and honesty that are contained within it. Friends may come, whilst others go, like roses, and graves that line life's rows, yet beauty remains in the calmness of your voice, in the ways in which you remind me that even some victims have a choice. Mansions in paradise await for you to claim your keys, as it is solely true friends like you t...

Now that you are resting, I will softly sing you lullabies, and whisper sweet nothings solely, the kind that even bitterness does not despise. I will tell you the tale of the sweet sister heroine who marched proudly along, who despite her many sadnesses still sang the sweetest songs. My guitar gently weeps as it replays your life, a masterpiece canvas that devoid of its strife, was often filled with more strength than even the sharpest of knives. As a child, I would emulate you, follow you around and mimic your every move. Now that I am older, your caustic wit, attitude, and confidence helped me get into and then remain in the groove. You are a legacy, an epic to be shared with generations to come, yet these tears fail to cease as I fail to feel numb. The weather was sweet, the sun you often referenced came out and shone bright for you, and as it grew dark, the mysterious moon made a magnificent appearance, so I could soundly say good night to you. With you serenely asleep, I wi...

Like water, you slipped through my fingers as I remained transfixed, knowing that I was changed forevermore. The sand in our hourglass had run out and thus, so had our time, as I still anxiously await the day that closure finally washes ashore. Some days, I cannot put into words how much I miss your breath against my neck or the way that you would save me, whenever I found myself shipwrecked. On other days, the electricity between us would leave me shell shocked, and feeling less lost than found, as I plead for my own salvation, hoping I would find the strength to abandon our battleground. Our holy lovers' war had left us both bereft, as we tried to catch our breath and circumvent our inevitable deaths. Stop loss syndrome as we both returned to our respective lives alone, attempted to survive, with the hopes of making it on our own. You took the road less traveled by and diverged creating your own path, as I started to repeat patterns that I should have buried i...

It is time to wake up and accept responsibility for your life, high time that you stopped pointing the finger and picked up a knife. Cut away all the vines that delude your judgment, and clear out the fog that conceals the truth from your eyes. Self-righteousness has always been the cause of your detriment, confess to your sins, or drown further in your endless lies. You are the difference between a boy and a man, as you manipulate reality to benefit your conspiratorial plans. You are always prepared to offer unsolicited advice, although you react with ire when others resort to the same device. Avoidance, your greatest clause, should have been listed on your contract when I signed up, instead I was forced to tolerate the passive aggressiveness that would fill, and thus overflow within my cup. Your ignorance once redeemed you, as it seemed like innocence instead, until I realized it was all a game, and that you were playing the fool, as if your brain was dead. You a...

Ice cold isolated inferences ignored by both me and you, resulted in the resignation of our hearts, as they split, and cut in two. Separated now, we are forced to accept our own unique worlds. Yours is filled with wonder, while mine keeps failing to deliver pearls. My lonely kick start heart keeps waiting for someone to come and take it by the hand, to pull it through the darkness, and to lay with it in the sand. With my future still unplanned, I continuously seek out others to turn it around, as I lose my footing, nearly tumble, slip, and falter, hoping that another will bring me back to solid ground. Anchoring my ship to prevent me from sailing out into the middle of the sea, I incorrectly assume that happy is a state of mind that does not exist independently inside of me. Without you, my heart is colder than the Arctic where it may as well have been conceived, but with you, it refuses to thaw, remains as cold, and is still ill-received. Bereaved, I prostrate to ...

The black torrents wash within me and I watch my light darken, I have used up so much energy in the fight that I have no resistance. I can see waves of black cascading through me in streams. I can see pools of darkness forming as my thoughts circle inside my head, my worries they are storming and desire to fill me with the utmost dread. The ebony's essence streamlines my dreams, sending me flying further into the deepest depths of the dark. My charcoal childhood was always less than chaste, as I searched high and low for a cure that would prevent my life from turning into toxic waste. No lights or sounds surround me, as I face my innermost demons and search for a friendly face, or nuance that will help ground me, and bring me closer back into myself. I can no longer live a life of knowing that I am merely settling for second best, so I cover my paintbrush in the whitest paint, ivory dances and sings as it tries to wash away the darkness that I have faced. My canv...

At times when I feel most lonesome, and bereft, I yearn to feel the touch, and the softness of my lover's sweet caress. Kind and considerate, never maligned by hostility or hate, the quality of love that brings to mind questions of destiny and fate. The purity of it which will cleanse every fibre, each pore, like holy water rains from Heaven that fall from the skies, and soothe my rocky shores. Passion so bright, it lights up my heart, and then my soul; just the thought of you on the dreariest days is often enough to make me feel whole. At whose feet shall I prostrate towards for bestowing me with such a love so true? Shall it be God, my eternal beloved in his entirety, or a combination of him and you? Love in its most idyllic form that conquers the world until it becomes the norm, the rarest variety that is enough to wash way the tears of children in countries that are ravaged and war torn. With petulant poignancy, my pen dances on paper to the beat of this lo...

Consciously creating chaos, you spread controversy every way you turn, as you twist the words of others, to manipulate the truth which you brutally burn. Self-righteously slaughtered, a martyr until the bitter end; not unlike Abraham, you sacrificed your honesty, in order to maintain your sycophantic, and fair weather friends. Hardly innocent, you were never a lamb, but better yet a wolf in sheep's attire, as you wickedly conspired against integrity in order to tread dangerous, darker waters, surrounded by raging rings of fire. You were the apple that led Eve astray, with your tempting tales so treacherous, although you ultimately led to her decay. Burning bush that betrayed others by behaving blessed in your first days, then claimed the lives of many innocents by parting the Red Sea, and burying them in watery graves. You flooded the world with your fickle fuckery, made it rain for forty days, and nights, until all the land was covered in acidic rain that you sp...

Crimson red bloodshed crimes against the love you claimed that you would feel until the day that you were dead. Body bag black as I have suffered my final heart attack at the lack of courtesy you showed as you twisted the knife that you had already driven into my burned back. Coffee stained teeth from hours of counseling, actively seeking the support of friends in the hopes that my bleeding heart would one day mend. Clear as the tide on a bright and crisp shiny morning, I see now what I refused to accept, the red flags, lipstick stains, and the ice cold warnings that caused our love to degenerate and then deflect. Insidiously injected you directly into my veins, when I should have instead rejected you, taken control of my life again and retrieved it by the reins. My melody unchained, my song echos throughout these empty halls, as I sit and berate myself gratuitously, this is your curtain call. Take a bow, you played at faithful so well, until your flesh began to fal...