Confusion

The chaos of confusion creates conflict within my mind, as I crawl through the dark searching for a cure to the cancer that has left me blind. Through dimly lit eyes, the uncertainty of us magnifies, blurring the lines between the truth and then the lies. I cannot breathe, nor can I eat although I am starved for clarity, yet full from deceit. I attempt to live in the moment and take each day in stride, but the very thought of us makes me want to run away and hide. There used to be a time when it always rang true, that you were the answer, and I was the clue. Since then it seems, I have been living through a dream, carelessly coursing through the world hoping to find a conscious stream. The promises we made were unjust and impossible to keep, and despite it all, we still failed to look before we leaped. You were the ink that helped me write my prose, even though I pricked your lips like a kiss from a wretched rose. The canvas of my life bleeds with devastating anarchy, manipulating my senses as it infects my potpourri. My insides ravaged like cities torn apart by storms, as I try to maintain my creativity in respect to our art form. I am self aware as I know exactly what I need to do in theory, but in practice my heart cowers in fear, assuming the worst and that the future will only be dreary. I could risk it all to be with you again, if only the spark would return accompanied by enlightenment and zen. I can no longer remain a slave to the doubt that wracks my brain, feeding on it as freely as an alcoholic indulges in champagne. To leave and separate from you would mean starting anew, whilst disregarding the love that we have managed to accrue. I have suffered enough and paid my dues for the crimes committed by me and by you. I painted a new world with stars that shone so brightly as a substitute for the past that evolved into something haunting and unsightly. I erased my mistakes, corrected them too in the hopes that one day I would feel adequate to you. Stability steered our ship that sank in shallow waters, as we proved to be much too unstable to survive, I was the sheep that you were forced to slaughter. You reloaded your gun and prepared to shoot the bullet that would end my life, as I took my last breath and muttered a prayer, relieved that I had lived to see the end to all our strife. The never ending white light at the end of my tunnel calls to me as I dance closer with childlike curiosity, I will remain with you in spirit and in heart, you are forgiven for your discrepancies, as I harbour no animosity. Confusion no longer knocks at my door taking with it the clouds that filled my coffee, I can see clearly now that you were the song that was meant to kill me softly. Our flowers grew in concrete left unnourished in the sun, there is no turning back now, the damage we did can never be undone. A prelude to our demise, we disguised the way we felt inside, only to feign surprise once it was time to say our final goodbyes. Failure washes over me, renewing my spirit as I accept that I have lost; I paid the cost of losing you, as I bask in the heat for the last time and allow my cold heart to defrost. Disengaged, as I worked through the pain, assuming responsibility for my misdoings as I did the right thing and accepted the blame. It's not too late for fate to take the reins, I was destined for greatness, and not the mundane. Silence soothes my skin as I smile for the first time in years, as I have learned my most valuable lesson to date and see that not everything is as enchanting as it necessarily appears.