Crossroads.

As one proverbial door closes, another opens and opportunistic me jumps at the chance. Fragments and remnants of memories of yesterday remain in my head where they passionately dance. They twirl, and swirl, painting my consciousness with colour, angst, and humour. My decision to walk away from you, and find myself was the best I have ever made and liberated me as you were my malignant tumour. I seethe as I breathe, piecing together the puzzles that were left unfinished as I work towards letting go of the past. I gain insight from my introspection, no longer focused on trying to outlast, but rather working on relinquishing my ego and getting over my obsession with what's reflected in my looking glass. The pills you gave me were the ones that made me feel so small, unlike Alice yours was not a Wonderland but rather a dystopia served to me from my own hands. The aftermath of you found me broken, and in shambles; I hope you understand that betting on you was just a gamble. It was a learning process that strengthened my confidence and ultimately my love for myself. I have finally removed the letters and the photographs of you and I that lined the pages of albums placed upon my shelf. The bitterness has ceased and I only wish you well, as the curse of your spell wears off, we can now disengage and dreamily dispel. I see myself through new eyes and recall all of the reasons that I have to smile; my talent, my wit, and intellect will surely collaborate to create a future that is fulfilling and worthwhile. The fragrance of familiarity has evacuated and been exorcised from my soul. Your voice which resonated throughout me like a bell is now obsolete as I have terminated its terrorizing toll. Forever and a day were over much faster than we assumed that they would be; I have locked my secrets deep within waiting for someone worthy enough to retrieve the key. I am tempted to refer to you as a mistake that I should never had made, but instead I comprehend that you were a lesson that I had to learn, prior to acquiring an upgrade. With you, I was buried alive and left for dead in a shallow grave, it took me so long but I mustered up the courage that I needed to escape being enslaved. In Purgatory I lay awake, wrestling with my sanity, and trying not to implode; when my restless feet rescued me leading me to my cure in the form of cryptic crossroads. Instead of the Hell you gave me, I opted out and began my ascent to paradise, feeling hopeful for the first time in years, I finally gave in and trusted in my own advice. I took the road less travelled and gained myself along the way, enriched by the lives that crossed my path, beautifying my life like the most bountiful, flowery bouquet. Birds of prey salivated as they saw my despair ridden body make its way through deserts filled with sand, yet I persevered against the vultures as my determination was my upper hand. Nobler than most kings, I am worth my weight in gold; my integrity makes others weak, my loyalty results in karmic retribution that returns twofold. I traded all that I was and lost it all to be a victim of your game. Smartened up, I am wiser now and held the extinguisher that doused our fickle, fair-weather flame. You played the martyr card and perfected the role that you were sadly born to play, which is why I have taken my life by the reins once again, abandoned your sinking ship and walked away. I wish you all the best and hope that one day you mature, learn to accept responsibility and you may eventually be more than just the flavour du jour. The serendipity of our meeting led me to evolve into a phoenix that arose from the depths of your fiery and suffocating destruction; it was the catalyst that I needed to fall in love with myself once again, I am the master of self-seduction. I am a better, stronger version of the little boy that blew your horn; I have removed the thorns you pricked me with, and I have finally been reborn.

My Same.

The similarities we share are too many to count on one hand, you are my same and it makes me want to hold your hand. I long to hold you in my arms, and never let go; as my future lights up, my heart is aglow. I realize now that life works in mysterious ways, I am filled with vibrancy today, although yesterday my world was coloured in greys. You have blindsided me and taken me by surprise, as I think of you, I feel the warmth of a million suns rise. Your voice puts me at ease and helps me sleep, washing away the tears, no longer compelled to weep. I yearn to feel the touch of your velvety skin against my own, it will soothe me like the wind and then carry me home. You have shown me that good things surely come to those who wait; I cannot wait to witness the beauty of the art that we collaborate to create. You whisper words of wisdom that fill my heart with peace, you have helped me fight my demons and provided a means for release. I want to take you by your arm and show you your beauty and worth; navigate the seas and visit every corner of the Earth. Capture me inside your net, I will be your butterfly; grey skies are going to clear up, so let me be your lullaby. I want to make you laugh and see your smile that lights up my eyes, get to know you from the inside out, and slowly help you remove your disguise. I am not like the other guys whose meagre attempts were solely motivated by personal gain, like the rain, I will cleanse your soul and help you feel whole again. I want to be the water that you bathe in, making you clean, and the vivacious energy you get whenever you drink caffeine. You have started to make life feel real, and like a conscious dream; no longer imprisoned by fascism nor its isolating regimes. I want to be the one you turn to when you are afraid or cold at night, and I promise I will do my best to be your kind and noble knight. For you, I will do it all; I will show you that you are a king. Just as long as you promise to do the same, I will give you my everything.

Something New.

A momentary lapse in judgment led me right into your arms, where I have found serenity as I become further beguiled by your charms. My intuition tells me to proceed with caution, or to prepare to be disarmed. Captured like a butterfly, you have caught me off guard. With hope in my heart, I pray that past patterns do not repeat again, for my heart is already scarred. I tread carefully trying to avoid awakening the sleeping sickness, that once made my house a home and then set it on fire, watching it burn into a smoky abyss. With God as my witness, I take my first steps as I am welcomed by your noble knights. Awed by the beauty that surrounds me and enamoured by its sights, I long to see my name lit up by your flashing lights. Precociously pleased by the notion that it could all be mine, as I hold your hand and make the move that will hopefully leave us entwined. With innocence in my eyes, my vulnerability seeps through my skin; you have warmed me with your sunrise, and soothed my soul like the wind. I take your hand and prepare to embark on what is surely to be the journey of a lifetime; just as long as you look into my eyes, and assure me that you will be mine. We can travel the world and sail the ocean blue, climb to the highest peaks together and take in the breathtaking views. I long to feel your heartbeat and synchronize it with my own, just as long as you promise to be the king that sits atop my throne. I will praise you as I shower you with my affection, protect you from harm and support you through rejections. I want to show you what it means to love and feel it in return, and then caress you as you feel the heat within that will flicker and sometimes burn. Like the Spanish Armada attempting to overthrow my queen, you have materialized from thin air, completely unforeseen. Unplanned yet wanted, you can haunt me and remain undaunted. I am now enchanted, and believe that since we have it, we should flaunt it. I swim against the waves, as I choose to dream whilst conscious; I know you will be good for me, and rarely ever noxious. My romanticism has taken flight and hit the ground running, in you, I see potential; you are incredibly stunning. Today I felt renewed, this is how it should have been for so long; I yearn to kiss your lips and dance with you one day to the beat of our own song. You have arrived at the most opportune time, like a gift from the Gods above, thank you for reminding me of my worth that I had lost sight of.

Sen5es.

Broken by the memories that haunt my conscious state, I curse the Gods in misery for my dreaded fate. I tried to grow, and be positive, but this love has only transformed into hate, you were sadly the one that I had mistaken for my soul's true mate. I yearn to feel your hands wrapped up in my own, and crave to feel the softness of your lips that so often reminded me of home. I long to smell the scent, the fragrance of your own cologne, and still desire to see the beauty and majesty that line the streets of Rome. I want to travel around the world with you and taste all of its exotic foods, I need to relive and hear the melody of our joyous étude. I wish upon the stars up high that one day we will see, the canals in Venice and then take the train to Germany. I can still taste you on my tongue although your memory is quickly fading away, please come back and fill my world with colour again; take away the greys. I feel the coarse and rough remorse that stabs me, jagged like the rocks that line the shore. I smell the ashes, and remnants of the fire that once burned between us, extinguished forevermore. I taste the bitterness of losing you that stings my mouth like citrus fruit, it's acidity is not good to me as I finally see that we were just not meant to be. I see you with him and I silently seethe, knowing that he could never fill even one of my shoes. How naive of him to think that he is adored and not just simply being used, I have paid my dues, and thus refuse to return to substance abuse. You were just my muse, a toy whenever I needed to play. Mark my words, that on this very day, I will never return to your symphony of fire and your desolate decay. From now on I will protect my heart with my head, instead of running and embracing the false notion of love with open arms. I will use my five senses to guide me through isolated moments where I am crawling in the dark, no longer a passenger on this toxic love's sinking ship, I have finally, and fortunately found the will to disembark. I count my blessings, not my losses of which you are surely one; the emptiness subsides and my self-respect and dignity have finally triumphed and won. I heard my conscience crying out, pleading for me to come to my senses; I listened for the first time, rebuilt my walls and regained my defences.