Soliloquy.

In an instant, all was calm again as you came along and chased the pain.
We connected as naturally as birds and bees, our love coursing through my veins
revived my depraved heart.
Happiness comes from within but you made me see that life is not the same without it.
You cured the cardiac arrest that made me seize and closed off to letting anybody in.
Like the wind, you soothed my soul when it burned with restlessness.
For a short period in time, I recognized the power of real love;
stabilized my vital signs, like insulin, you made everything right again.
Now that you've gone away, I am forced to pick up the pieces of me that I never wanted to address,
all the parts of me that I learned to suppress by ignoring my loneliness.
You were the deejay that removed the blues from my playlist,
the master that made me a slave to love whose existence I had tried so hard to deny.
I naively protected myself in vain as though I had lost the very ability which had controlled me all of my life.
You were the maestro that conducted my most beautiful symphony to date, the sorcerer that cast the most beguiling spell on me.
Ignorant to the possibility that I could ever hurt again,
until you tore your love away from me, ripping all of the oxytocin from my brain.
Leaving me to shake from the withdrawal of your kiss; your caresses had become my favourite drugs. You were the tamer that domesticated my wild heart, the answer to the prayers I had been uttering since the day I learned how to talk.
My body denied of your touch brings tears to even the most hardened eyes;
 I was not ready to wake up from our dream, unprepared to stop singing the words to the lullaby that we co-wrote.
You were the sculptor that engraved his name onto my soul, the only consolation that could ever make me whole again.
Maybe we forgot how to appreciate one another in the dark,
though I saw light when you only saw an end to our farce.
Claimed that I was empty yet you failed to see the emptiness that you had filled.
Now that you're gone, the hollowness within becomes wider with each day.
You were my knight, the light that illuminated the immense darkness that I had adjusted to.
Once again, I have to learn to see through all the fog that had cleared when you arrived with the sun.
I never knew a love like ours that was always patient and kind;
never judgmental but in the end, you could not continue pretending to be blind.
Maybe one day we can sail again among the stars, you were my moon,
my sun but now my world has died, drowned in an ocean of night.
I just wanted an eternity with you; I wish we could turn back time,
rewind and somehow make it all right again,
I wish with all my heart and might that you weren't gone.

Haunt Me.

An unmanned piano plays our song aggressively as though possessed.
I exhale and see my breath, it is colder than the Arctic in your absence.
The wind howls outside my window and I can swear it has your voice, it's calling me.
Like footsteps in an abandoned house, I am still haunted by you and me.
I have returned to hiding not wanting my presence to be known,
a phantom in this world desperate to be reunited with you, my soul.
Our tragedy replays in my head like a chilling horror movie scene,
my pain made me a monster although that is no excuse for the torment or abuse I put you through. Haunted by you now, our memories like graves of loved ones that died prematurely;
they line the cemetery that is my brain in rows that will never be complete.
No longer inhabited by human life that has ceased, our world succumbed to loneliness and is covered in disease.
Devoid of life, it starts to fall apart and decay;
all because you left me, why did you have to go away?
You haunt me in my dreams, my only nightmare is my reality.
Without you, silence has conquered me. I do not want to speak
for fear my words will deceive me by revealing my grief.
Thunderstorms and bones the only remnants of our love, eerie to accept that this is all that we have left.
You have haunted me, I cannot even sleep now that I am unwanted,
my demons have returned to devour me.
Knocks on my door though no one is there,
my heartbeat no longer races, as my lungs don't care for air.
Not even familiar faces could ease the misery that only responds to your company.
I am the sole occupant of this asylum in my head,
shock therapy could not even eliminate all this dread.
Haunt me, now that you have gone away, possess my every waking thought,
if it's the only way you can remain.
I needed you but I know I am to blame.
Haunted by you now, I will not let you hurt me by leaving.
I live in a world where you and I still coexist; I refuse to acknowledge that anything is amiss.
Craving your fingers, I could be disarmed by your kiss.
You will continue to haunt me as I sink further into this ill-conceived abyss.

Dementia.

Comedy is a comforting mask that helps me cope when I am encompassed by darkness that infects my world and paints it black.
I am imprisoned by my own thoughts, anxiety reveals its ugliness cheapening any sense of accomplishment that I might have.
I grip reality, desperately, so I am not pulled into the burning inferno underground that threatens to devour me whole; it is my personal Hell.
I do my best to embody my interpretation of normal, attempt to see things in a positive light despite my knowledge that my glass is broken, not half full.
My smile is as carefully constructed as a house of cards, one wrong move and all of me comes crashing down to the ground.
Tears well in the corner of my eyes as I question why but know that God works in mysterious ways. When will my sadness be replaced by my life that permanently remains on hold.
I wish I could hit rewind and return to the point where roads diverged;
I would choose wisely this time instead of chasing petulant dreams that have led me astray.
A wasted life, unfulfilled resulted in my idle mind.
Fragile paper heart of mine that rips apart time after time, my hard exterior guards shatter so often that they are scarred.
Tired of being a perpetual work in progress, I really need change like the Earth needs rain.
Resigned but resolute I will try to be resilient although it's become an arms race, imperative that I finally prove that I am brilliant.

Deadly.

The darkest parts of me screamed bloody murder, ignoring the truth that I deserved to be left high and dry. I accused God of abandonment, cursing my beloved as though I was devoid of fault or sin. My wrath wreaked havoc as it sought to exact revenge for events that only ever occurred inside my head. My vengeance more vain than Narcissus whose own reflection was responsible for his watery demise. A glutton for self indulgence, I feasted on your sanity until you were consumed then picked at your bones as if they were dessert. Envious of your ability to love, I would never admit that I aspired to taint it with my deep seated jealousy that was conceived long before you arrived. Like a sloth, lethargy atrophied every muscle in the body of us then assumed we'd survive instead of making any effort. Comatose, I chose to cope by sedating even the most faint glimmer of hope. Ravenous my eyes bewildered by lust as I grew infatuated with the mere idea of gaining then draining your trust. Lasciviously slobbering as if we were destined to be like the mark of the beast or contagion and disease. Like a cancerous growth, I maligned you from the inside out, until your sanity turned into psychosis. My greed to be the first man to destroy you became the fuel that sponsored my endeavour, I disparaged your landscape like inclement weather. My moods as inconsistent as seismic activity during an earthquake, they fluctuated as often as we say our own names in a single day. Forgive me father for I have sinned, our love became the eighth cardinal vice, the final nail in the coffin that robbed us of life. You walked through the valley of the shadow of death the moment you let go and let me steal your last breath.