Last Train Home.

I ride the train home with my heart in my hand, knowing walking away is the right decision. You were a skilled surgeon, with the knife in your hand that broke my heart with your final incision. Naiveté led me to believe that you were the knight who would save my dreams, I assumed we were two peas in a pod as you used your charm to trick me into thinking we were a team. Misled again as the blood drained from my face, filling my journey with horror as I long for the pain to be replaced. I refuse to regress and return to past vices, although they are tempting, sobriety is more enticing. I want to be conscious as my soul cries out with pain, I yearn to feel the sorrow that washes over me like the rain. We could have conquered castles and taken over Rome, but instead I seek out my mother's hand, hoping to feel the comfort that is home. Unburdened of your child's play, colour no longer seems as bright; as the silent reverie I find in sleep veiled in the darkness that is night. I have lived throughout the worst but this cut feels the deepest, I used to be as noble as kings, my kingdom entirely elitist. My journey transpires into a mission that robs me of my reality, as I crawl into a ball unconcerned with our duality. Your eyes hypnotized me concealing the lies they hid within, as the smile falls off my face encasing me in a cloud of my own chagrin. The sun falls out of my sky accosting me for my neglect, as I have been stripped of my happiness as a result of your disrespect. In retrospect this is entirely of my own doing, as I attempt to remove the foot from my mouth, and realize its my own heart that I was chewing. Confusion creates chaos as it crawls upon my skin, ceasing celebrations, I can't stop my suffering. My journey home ends with clarity setting on the horizon, I prepare to disembark, older now as I hope that I have learned from this and finally wizened.

Phoenix.

Everything falls into place so perfectly, smoothing out my picture and providing serenity. Calm now that the storm has passed, collected as I realize that the days went by so fast. I am overcome with peace that washes over me in waves, forgiven of my sins my future has been saved. I have let go of the past that haunted me in my reverie, survived the fire like a phoenix rising from debris. I hold on tight to my security for it has taken so long to appear, as I count my blessings one more time, so thankful that I am no longer filled with fear. Destroyed in seconds was the notion of love that we were convinced was real, as I take a deep breath and listen to my heart and how it feels. I could no longer endure the pain of playing pretend in a glass house, I have emerged with strength as I transitioned into man from mouse. I no longer hide behind stories and lies, I have realized that the love I feel inside only needs to be reflected in my own eyes. I feel the warm summer rain as it cleanses my soul, nourishing me effortlessly, it has renewed me, making me feel whole. Caught up in the rapture of knowing I have prevailed, as I release each breath freely, no longer waiting to exhale. I see my worth for what it is, no longer self-conscious or insecure, my sense of self was jaded, embittered by your world so impure. I catch myself smiling knowing that I am safe plus sound, as I regain my balance and take flight, finally back on solid ground. My epiphany was revealed to me when I found the will to live again, the dopamine gone yet I still wanted to respect myself, and be my own best friend. Happiness comes from within and not from external sources, as I have surrendered to my hopefulness, as majestic and beautiful as white horses. Though lovers be lost, love shall not as it always finds its way back, my world has renewed with vibrancy and colour, no longer painted black. Rejoicing as I realize it could have been much worse, I have survived time after time, my good karma always reimbursed. I have taken flight as I now soar above the world so high, refusing to look back and only staying in the moment, I bid moments gone adieu and say goodbye.

Inception

Disguised in a coat of your own lies, the truth hides behind your eyes sending frissons of terror up and down my spine. From the moment you were mine, I knew something was off, as you lustfully electrocuted my heart and made me cough. The shock of finding you plotting my assassination made me lose my breath, you were my most fickle fascination. You pervaded my mind and rewired my brain, until I was morbidly mundane; it was not an admirable state, just heckled with habitual hate. I created a monster, you were my Frankenstein, as you ravaged my England with your flawed design. Lightning and thunder cowered in shame when you were around, as you reaped my soul and I was happily homeward bound. You were the thorn that cut my insides, filled my heart with bitterness then tossed me aside. You were the zit that refused to leave, as you weaved stories that you expected me to believe. Naive no more, I have walked out the door into a life of my own. I am the king now, you have been dethroned. Swallow your pride and prepare to be hung, my swan song is sung as I remove your tongue. You slandered my name and made me out to be the beast, you were hardly the beauty, nor were you the priest. Holier than thou until you realized your faults, reap what you sow or prepare for my acidulous assault. My massive attack will consist of missiles and blows, as you hoard all the cocaine that you can up your nose, ready yourself to be exposed. You were rarely the victim yet played the martyr card so well, for your lies and treachery, you will surely rot with the worst within the depths of Hell. Pray for your soul and repent your heavy sins, or watch idly by as I rebuild the wall in your personal Berlin. I will imprison you in a house built by your own shame, you should have run for the hills instead of trying to defeat me at my own game. Always lame, you rarely conquered, never came. Gather your senses or embrace my hits, as you will surely need them for this battle of wits. Your intellect failed to generate even the slightest response from me, you were insipid on your brightest day; the worst company. I regret that you were the one I picked, I should have been able to predict that you were entirely derelict. I abandoned your ship in the high seas, cut my losses finally, you were my disease. Freedom reigns as I have triumphed yet again, captured by rapture, no longer afraid or insane. The aftermath of us erupts with rancid puss, creating the worst chemical reaction to date, you were as deadly as phosphorus. Your cheating ways have expired along with your birthdays, it was more than necessary, your life in shambles, and total disarray. The next time you attempt to gain someone's trust, practice what you preach or prepare to spontaneously combust. The shock wave of our tsunami love has freed the inhabitants of the earth, liberating me in the process, I can finally see my worth. Your villainous vigour is now obsolete, cower in fear when you encounter me in the streets. Hatred filled every pore and fibre of my being, I have since gained the release that I needed, no longer in moments so fleeting. Cured of the cancer you conjured into my life, from the moment of inception, I knew you would cause me much strife. I stripped away your layers revealing the scared little boy that you really were, watched you fall apart with such haste as your pathetic life replayed before our eyes in a blur, what a waste. You were the misconception that I needed to understand, your deception was unwelcome so I took a stand. Karma will surely teach you the lesson you need to learn, refusing to add fuel to the fire, I choose to remain noble, satisfied that you will surely burn.

Istanbul

Enchanted once again as my heart skips a beat, you have filled me with such wonder that I have no words left to speak. Intrigued in every way as you have brightened my days, filled my nights with light and charmed me as sweetly as classical ballet. I gaze into your eyes and catch glimpse of the stars, reassuring me that happiness is not too distant, you can be my Spanish guitar. With your body and my bow, we will play the most beautiful music known to man, it will resonate throughout the world and settle amongst the cherry trees that line the streets in Japan. Your intellect astounds me making me hunger for your lips, I will devour you ravenously like an ethereal eclipse. You are my biggest aphrodisiac, chocolate pales in comparison to you. You will surely be my best muse as you have made me feel renewed. Your aroma fills me with peace like a Turkish café, reassured as I am certain that you will always meet me halfway. I bask in your company as if it were the sun, you have made me fall quite quickly, your predecessors have all been outdone. Our lives collided with good reason, I long to be transformed. You soothed my soul immediately, you are the anticipated calm after my life's storm. Enamoured by your touch, your caresses make me weak, my attraction to you increases tenfold whenever I admire your physique. My heart on my sleeve has made me wiser, although it has also caused me much pain. I know that you are different though, refined like the finest champagne. I am filled with excitement to see what the future has in store for us, you have made me feel understood and serendipitous. Majestic like the blue mosque in Istanbul, I feel optimistic once again; you are welcome to drink freely of my cup that is half full, I have made it through the rain. The smile on my face complies with the smile in my heart, you are the perfection that I craved, enriching me like the finest art. Time slips through my fingers like the softest grains of sand, as I attempt to find the words to express that all I want is to simply hold your hand.