Kash Baloch — Poetry on Identity, Love, and Survival

Sleep eludes me as I sit and think of new ways to forget your name. The days blur into one, oblique and grey while our last memories catch fire and slowly take flame. I can recall the time when your name tasted sweet, melting on my tongue as I floated dazed throughout the streets. I silently assuage my hunger as I plunder the world in search of another lover with whom I can share the benefits of being love's elite. Discreetly, I tear out the pages of my memoir that alluded to the years I spent pretending that you made me feel complete. Our tenure expired as we came to terms and realized one another's services were no longer required. Undesired, our unkempt entreaty rarely felt Heaven sent. Unburdened of your ignorance, I can see land in the distance and know my salvation has come. Like spiced rum that I need to abstain from, I can no longer slake my thirst whilst playing make believe and falsely agreeing that you were the one that loved me first. The eye o...

Persistence is futile if it never pays off, like a bad cough, failure never seems to disappear. Through the tears, I realize that the damage is already done. I forgot to look out for number one once again, then let my guard down only to be left out in the rain. You hung me out to dry without the slightest bit of respect, I should have been more guarded, in retrospect. If I had protected my emotions, it could have been perfect. I wore my heart upon my sleeve, naive from the start and got tangled in the web of lies that you weaved. I hold the short end of the stick in my star-crossed lover hands, I chose to be stupid and give into your demands. Like a pregnancy unplanned, you blessed me with your kiss and then slipped through my fingers like sand. Your salacious spider bite filled my wicked veins with venom, I thought your skin was soft like fleece until it burned me and I realized that it was denim. I should have seen through your disguise when you cut me with your...

When I was young, I always imagined a life where time would be on my side. Not just a social construct, but a friend in which I could confide. I have come to realize that life is not always so kind, it will shut you out when you have already been maligned. I envisioned a future full of riches and glee, one in which I would be able to provide for my family. But now I see that I chose the wrong path, I could have chose righteousness but instead I chose wrath. I would cry if I could but it is often much too hard, so instead of taking action, I just sit and wish on shooting stars. I hope for redemption, for a day to come, where I can take charge and live large under the stars. If I had a dollar for all the dreams I hide inside, I would never have to worry about how I am going to provide for the life I could be living that I have denied. If only I had tried, then maybe life would be more giving. Instead I choose to fail; success is rarely an option in my weary heart, ...

As a new moon fell on my sleepless nights, a fresh flame ignited in my heart as I discarded of your memories and turned off the never ending white lights. I spent a fortnight berating myself for being contrite, I regret not leaving sooner and tasting freedom on my tongue. No longer innocent although I have managed to stay young. Refusing to succumb once more to your chains that made me numb. I triumphed and endured all the pathetic ways that you attempted to push me further into your insecure little cage, I rebelled against your oppression as I trembled with rage, disengaged as I waged wars against myself to gain the world. You were audacious to think that I would stick around and let you win just because I slipped, then fell and accidentally let you in. Your laboratory rat no more, I am free to experiment of my own devices. Like a child in a candy store, my senses indulge in the vibrant colours and various spices. I have finally found the strength to escape from your oppressio...

Your changes have been saved. Exhale. Share Today at 17:15 | Edit note | Delete You are the moon that bows down at night to kiss my cheek, and the rays of sun that comfort me throughout the week. I know all this and still, I feel life's ropes pulling me away from you. Logic and reason reign supreme over emotions and lust, as I climb further up the ladder, hoping to be rescued from your torturous love. I know that I must leave as I am no longer your muse, hurt by the lies and deceit you concealed within your sleeve. It took me too long to realize that I had been fooled. Your caresses were just lies and I was your mule. Used like a tool, I ran for the hills, ashamed and irritated for my heart that I spilt. I poured it out to you, filling vials with this naive, and unconditional love. Instead, you continued your charade, your innocence feigned as my stupidity burns and cuts like a blade. I should have known better than to allow you into my world, my sanctuary r...