Saturday, May 13, 2017

Cold Hearted Snake.

Vulnerable as a viper 
without its venom, 
I might seem weaker than ever 
but I'm more poisonous than pythons. 

Your assets no match 
for the asp I really am, 
my bark is only small 
because my bite belittles many men. 

I might appear to be a lamb 
when you see me in the streets,  
but better believe I am the boa, 
who constricts before he eats. 

The scent of your fear
awakens the anaconda within, 
before you even know it, 
my fangs pierce your skin. 


Saturday, May 06, 2017

Dirty Thirty: Revisited

As each new day brings me dangerously close to dirty thirty, I can't help but reflect on how different my life was supposed to be. 

Expectation is truly the root of all heartache, with every failed expectation, our hearts weaken, and become more susceptible to breaking.  

I could have been a doctor, traveling the world whilst spreading smiles & cures. Maybe even a lawyer using logic to defend morality and human rights. A tenacious tongue run by resilient mind the greatest weapons in my fight. 

I cringe now as I think of the prestige of it all. 

Instead, I am simply a contender—my heart & head stronger than the muscles that line the bodies of any flamenco dancer or professional wrestler.  

My confidence perpetually propels me to new heights, but only on some nights. These evenings paint themselves inside my head, for when I sink down to the depths of the Marianas Trench and I need a reminder that sometimes I'm also blessed. 

Sometimes I falter & believe the critics in my head that convince me I could never do better; those are the days that corrode me from the inside out. My ambition turns to rust, slowly, as I die another death with every hour that works against me like the poorly oiled gears in life's curious machine.  

I run harder to catch myself, count to ten & try again, each breath requires incredible effort, as though I am the land that has no command over the mountains that weigh it down and make it tremble. 

I could have been a pilot, flying high & fancy free, with more power in my wings than all the royals resting in the Valley of Kings. As I navigated aeroplanes & jets over oceans, trees & seas, I beam with pride for playing my part in reuniting friends, lovers, & families. 

But here I am instead; a boy whose life's path was led astray by his own dismay. 

My journey different yet still others often find no harm in questioning my ambition or being expressing confusion with my drive, like wondering why I am not the same as them will somehow steal the stagnant  sadness from my eyes.  

My battle is mine alone, this cross is my own to bear, but I have to admit humanity failed the instant we ceased to care. Humility became the greatest casualty of this entire arrogant affair, ruled by rabid crowds who foam at the mouth should their impotent egos flare, turning us into tyrants waging wars with words & swords that hurt & gore the more they are compared.

The damage already done, all we can do is pray; now that we are conditioned to condemn our fellow humans with labels that destroy self-worth with decay.  Rotting now is the hope that once lived, that starry, wide eyed wonder from when we were just kids. Pervaded by the prevalence of the evil that persists, our faith in humanity can't be restored now that it's extinct. 

Time & again, I am forced to recall how much worse it could have been, humbled that somehow, I still have it all.  With every basic need of mine being met, I wonder who I am to even complain about the disarming restlessness that disparages my brain. 

My mind was once so pure & devoid of self-doubt that it would instinctively drown out the darkness of my own discouraging shouts. 

I believed in myself, and I was well-aware I was the master of my domain...until it hit me again...with the force of atomic bombs dropped from fighter planes, with all my parts scattered like bird's-eye views of derailed trains; God must've laughed as I made plans to never be that vulnerable again.

Now, I hungrily cling to even the faintest glimmer of hope; desperate for my story to be told as one of triumph & not one of revolt. 

Closer to thirty, yet still useless by society's standards, though I know the truth and realize I am more of a man than most. 

I've come eye to eye with death and laughed right in its wretched face, built myself up from ground zero and made an exultant return to grace. 

I am richer than the wealthiest men alive 
from the experiences that have blessed me 
with fine lines in the corners of my eyes, they bear witness to my happiness just like the notches in watches that measure passing time. 

With time comes healing & wisdom, despite the trials I've endured & the seemingly little I've accomplished, I know that I am far from loathsome—I can feel myself evolving. Dirty thirty inches closer daily but I know that I am growing; one look at me & the world will see that I am positively glowing.



Sunday, April 23, 2017

Otherside.

As one final bated breath escapes
through slightly parted lips,
our soul begins to slowly rise up
and out from the centre of our chests.

Floating towards the clouds as it makes
its way home to the Other Side,
it takes its time to say goodbye
to the world it leaves behind.

The willow trees that made it dance,
the waves that soothed its stress,
goodbye to skyscrapers and automobiles,
 and all the people it loved best.

Arriving at a velvet rope,
it takes its place in queue.
Behind a massive, ornate golden gate
awaits an impressive door.

Passing through this portal
to another astral plane,
this spirit feels electrified,
its excitement can't be contained.

The passageway opens to reveal
a suspended diamond bridge that makes
the Golden Gate seem like it was made for dolls,
 suddenly the sweet, jasmine air
erupts into thunderous applause.

Below, the water is still and crystalline,
in shades of azure and teal,
blinking in disbelief,
you cannot believe that it is real.

People and animals crowd
every inch of the overpass,
upon closer inspection, they're all
your pets and loved ones from lives past.

They cheer your name,
ecstatic that you have finally come home,
you suddenly recognize families and lovers,
some you haven't seen since ancient Rome.

Beyond the bridge lies a fantastic marble fountain,
not unlike the masterpieces carved
by some of Earth's most talented men.

You stop to admire its magnificence,
taking the time to appreciate
every single detail of its
artistry and excellence.

Here, a siren is depicted luring
seamen into storms with her song;
a little further down, a mother sheep
looks proudly on whilst grazing with her flock.

Awestruck that this was
formed entirely of stone,
you trace your fingers along
its smooth rocky skin as cool as ivory and bone.

All around the fountain
is the greatest garden you have ever seen,
with labyrinthine lanes of lilies of the valley
from beyond your wildest dreams.

The air is thick with sweet, floral fragrances
that seduce the senses as they rotate between scents,
Moroccan roses one second
transform into Damask roses in moments.

Vibrating, your spirit feels at ease
now that it has returned,
the Other Side is where our souls advance
once we've run out of lessons to learn.

Aurora Borealis.

Everyday, at half-past-three the bell would ring, signaling the end of the school day.  And everyday Aurora Borealis would race from her classroom to the schoolyard, wanting to be the first student through the doors of Sedona Scholars Public School.  Aurora's appetite for adventure went into sleep mode in the mornings, and was awakened as soon as class was over.  She waited in the playground for her best friend in the whole entire world, Kelsey Crowley, who she couldn't wait to regale with stories of her latest quests.  Kelsey and Aurora had been friends since kindergarten and were basically inseparable, she wore thick black framed glasses, had three freckles on either side of her nose, and had wild brown curls that could not be tamed.  

Kelsey appeared through the heavy turquoise school doors and waved at Aurora.  Although she was smiling, her head hung low, and Aurora immediately knew something was wrong.  She hadn't become so good at solving mysteries without having a keen sense of observation.  

"Hey booger, what's eating ya?" Aurora called to Kelsey, whilst hanging upside down from the monkey bars.  

"I really wish I could tell you but my mother said I'd be in big trouble if I did," Kelsey replied, before clapping her hand to her mouth, knowing she'd already said too much.

"If you don't tell me right now, Kelsey Crowley, then I'm gonna tell Jacob you have a yucky crush on him!"  Aurora was relentless, and always knew the right way to get information out of her best friend.

"You better not or else our friendship's over, and that means no sleepovers all summer, no friendship bracelets, and no adventures!"  Kelsey stood her ground, and also knew the right strings to pull to get Aurora to back down.  

They continued back and forth like this for minutes, until Kelsey finally let it spill.  It turned out that her mother had heard from Aurora's grandmother Oma Val that her mom needed a place to stay, and would be back under the same roof as her, for at least a month.  

Aurora was devastated; she had spent her entire childhood repressing memories of her neglectful mother, and creating alternate scenarios of how she had arrived on this planet.  Truth be told, Aurora was terrified of her birth mom, and regularly had nightmares of the torment and abuse she had endured at her hands.  She felt completely betrayed by Oma Val, and could not understand how she'd allow this to happen.  She knew her mother was Oma Val's real daughter, but it wasn't fair or right, especially since she'd promised to always protect Aurora.  

Upon hearing the news that her mother would be spending the summer, Aurora sprinted into the woods, intent on living by herself.  She decided that if Oma Val did not care about her enough to keep her safe, then she would make her own home in the forest; erhaps she would even get adopted by wolves, just like Mowgli in the Jungle Book.  Besides, Aurora was strong enough to make it on her own and did not need any more grown-ups letting her down.

After losing track of how long she had been running, Aurora slowed down and decided she would practice howling at the moon.  If she was going to be a wolf, she had to be convincing so nobody discovered that she was really just a little girl.  

"Aa-oooooooh!"  Aurora laughed, pleased that her howl was quite convincing.  She spent an hour working on her howl, then set out in search for food, or at the very least a few berries to nibble on.  Her stomach groaned, reminding her of an injured rhinoceros she had once seen on TV.  She continued through the woods until she approached a tiny stream with clear, light blue water flowing through it.  Aurora knew from her Junior Campers Brigade that Arizona only had freshwater, which humans could drink.  She kneeled down and took in three huge gulps of the water, which was cold enough to make her shiver.

Aurora was having a blast!  Who needed dumb adults anyway, they never seemed to have any fun and only ever wanted to tell her what to do.  It wasn't until the sun started to fade behind the trees that Aurora felt the slightest bit of fear about the arriving nightfall.  Her mind began to run wild, and she was convinced within just a few seconds that Bigfoot was real and happened to live in this very forest.  It was going to be a long night, and as the sky darkened, Aurora regret her impulsiveness a little more.

At home, Oma Val and Aurora's mother, Sienna, were beyond erratic and beside themselves with fear.  It was nearly ten o'clock in the evening and there was still no sign of her.  They were accustomed to Aurora losing track of the time when she was on one of her adventures, but this was uncharacteristic of their little Magellan. 

"Sienna, how long ago did the police say they'd be here," Val inquired of her daughter, who was pacing the floors of her cozy home.

"They should be here any minute, ma.  I know I haven't been around much, but if Kelsey's right and this is all my fault, I feel even worse.  I'm a moron for thinking it would be easy..." Sienna's reply slurred at the end, right before she trailed off, rambling to herself in the corner.  

Even with her chest pressed tightly against a Mulberry tree for warmth, Aurora's teeth would not stop chattering, making her feel colder than she already did.  

"Aa-oooooooh!" She let out a soft howl, bummed her pack of wolves never arrived to welcome her.  She clearly had not planned this out properly.  With visions of her new wolfcub siblings in her head, Aurora started to nod off before letting out a loud yawn and falling asleep.  Tomorrow would be a new day, and she would learn the way of the woods, or else her name was not Aurora Borealis, and she was definitely NOT named after the northern lights.

Aurora woke up, feeling groggy and disoriented.  Her neck was in excruciating pain, and her back felt as though she'd slept on a cinderblock.  She yawned, rubbing her eyes, and then remembered she was all alone in the middle of the intimidating forest.  The canary moon looked like an entirely different planet to her because of the way it waned high in the dark sky.  Aurora whimpered, finally accepting that she was frightened, and that this had all been a no good, good for nothing mistake.  

It was far too late for her to try to find her way out of the woods; besides, Aurora knew it would be in vain.  She had taken many twists and turns in her excitement imagining her new life as a wolf cub.  She sat up, and started to cry.  Hot, sticky tears streamed down her face and stained her cheeks along their way down to her chin.  She wondered if Oma Val was looking for her or if she had even noticed that Aurora hadn't come home from school in the first place.  Aurora was sure Oma Val hated her guts though, and that she would never want to see her again.  She knew she was in the wrong but she was also used to the adults in her life growing tired of her and tossing her aside disdainfully.

The next morning, Aurora awakened to hear unfamiliar voices calling her name.  Not wanting to be discovered just yet, she ducked for cover behind a fallen, moss-covered log.  

“Auroooooora!  Are you there?  Aurora Borealis!” A voice called, amplified through a megaphone. 

Aurora watched curiously, excited by the prospect of having her own search party, but worried at the same time, that needing to be found would ruin her reputation.  After spying on her rescuers, and making them suffer for what felt like an hour, Aurora climbed out from her hiding place, and tapped an important looking man on his back.  

“Looking for me?” She asked, sheepishly, before wrapping him in a bear hug.  

“Miss. Borealis, it’s really you!  You nearly drove the whole town sick with worry,” the man replied, not wanting to upset her.  “So they sent me to see if I could lure you out of your hiding spot.  My name’s Sheriff Walter Legume, and I’ve heard all about your adventures.  Once we have you all cleaned up, I think I might have the perfect job for you, young lady,” 

Aurora took an instant liking to the sheriff, and rode on his shoulders, all the way back to the patrol car.  As Sheriff Legume alerted the rest of his crew of their success, Aurora sat in the passenger seat of his car, drinking an apple flavoured juice box, and playing around with the buttons and switches on the dashboard.  

As Sheriff Legume pulled up in front of Aurora’s house, Oma Val and Sienna rushed outside.  Once they exited the vehicle, Aurora hid behind her new friend’s leg, not wanting to face her grandma.  

“Special delivery for Val Borealis, safe and sound,” the sheriff let out a hearty laugh, and managed to keep the atmosphere light.  

“Oh, Walter!  I could just kiss you,” Oma Val beamed at him, before reaching a hand out to Aurora.  “Young lady, we need to talk!  I was worried sick thinking I’d lost you.  This latest adventure was too much, even for you but I’m happy to have you back.  I love you dearly.”  

Aurora looked at the ground, refusing to make eye contact.  She simply pointed at Sienna, scowled, and said, “Well you obviously love her more.  Why is she even here!”

“My darling, just like you need Oma Val, your mama needs me too.  I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I turned my back on my own daughter.  Everybody deserves another chance, and your mother’s promised to try her best,” Oma Val explained, doing her best to help Aurora understand.


Aurora yawned, feeling her will to fight begin fade away, and simply nodded.  She smiled and stuck her tongue out at Sienna, which was her way of extending an olive branch, and ran into Oma Val’s open arms.  The three of them walked back into the warmth of their house, ready to embark on their latest adventure, together.

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