No More Pain.

By the time I turned twenty seven,
I had already seen two of my Earth angels ascend to the Heavens.
I begged and pleaded but it was all in vain,
fourteen unsuccessful suicide attempts only to be born again.
I racked my brain, played with every poison.
Alcohol and narcotics were my favourite toys. 
Illicit activities no longer linger among my choices.
My drive and desire to stay alive have my soul rejoicing.
I was all ablaze, became a pyromaniac provoking the Gods of fire.
Somehow I was saved from going up in flames.
Never knew how strong my ambition was until my soul almost retired.
Now I am fighting harder than ever before to save my name.
Electrified and even electrocuted by taking wires in my bathwater.
But then I caught myself slipping when I remember my sisters' daughters.
I will never again attempt to play like I'm a sacrificial lamb destined for slaughter.
Instead, I will reinvent myself with my own laughter
so that I can drink from the fountains of youth in the sweet hereafter.

I AM.

I'm a nondenominational superstar, interfaith intergalactic explorer,
multilingual extraordinaire, soon to be a billionaire.

I'll share my fortune with the world, and give to all the boys and girls.
For what good are strings of pearls, if they're tightly curled in my own hand?

I will execute some genius plans.
Oh! It'll be magnificent, when I feel so brilliant and rediscover my resilience.

I know it won't come easily, so I'll fight my way through the misery,
pray to God for a treasury, to spread throughout the seven seas.

I can do anything I put my mind to, rescue the endangered animals, too.
Like King Solomon, I'll have many zoos where no creature or person will feel blue.

I just need time to get humble, peel myself off of the ground on which I've stumbled,
raise my voice so I don't mumble, increase the bass and treble so we can mambo.

We just have to work together, strive for Utopia, forever.
And let the dust settle, so that we can stay out of trouble.

Let the past stay where it is, focus on a whole new world of pleasures,
unbeknownst to mankind today and hope with all our hearts it stays.

Meaning of Life.

Not riches, not gold but unconditional love (externally & internally), to have a life companion to share in the happiness with; life, liberty, respect and dignity. To see the glass in and of itself, whether it's full or not. Genuine smiles, kindness, mindfulness of all creatures, big or small, to right one's own wrongs, confidence, security, and hospitality. Faith that things will work out, as they always do. Actions, which speak much louder than words. To have a basic comprehension of the antecedents that lead to behaviours and result in consequences. To understand that it takes a village to raise a child and to always live in a manner that reflects this i.e. behaving appropriately around children and modeling positive behaviour. To stay loyal and true to the people that have done the same for me. To avoid undermining authority, and to honour thy mother and father, if they are honourable; turn the other cheek, if they are not. To relinquish thy ego so as to live humbly and peacefully. To stand on one's own two feet so that we can then help others, as charity begins in the home. To treat our bodies like temples and our minds as sanctuaries. PACE IS THE TRICK.

Without You.

Too many break-ups now, don't think we can make up.
How I wish it wasn't over, I wanted to grow older, with you.
With you, everything made sense, wanted a crib with a white picket fence.
Loved how you could end my sentences, like you were inside my head.

But now that you've left my heart feels so vacant, with a no vacancy sign,
closed for business 'til the end of time.
I kick myself now for not appreciating you when you were mine.
Our love was the greatest, we were the best team.

From sun up to sun down, you just consumed me.
I took it all for granted, with you.
With you, I hate myself for taking my eyes off of the prize.
But I have to learn to let go, see we failed even though we tried so hard.

Too many times now, I turn to my left at night
only to find emptiness in place of you.
I just yearn to feel your breath next to me, it was so comforting.
So often I imagine what you're up to and wonder if you're thinking of me too.

It's difficult to accept that I am not with you.
With you, I felt beautiful and new.
Difficult to deny that I didn't let you down,
that I was there when you needed to find solid ground.

You and I were so close to perfection, although we both felt deprived of affection. \

I just believed that you and me and
you and I and
we and us and
you plus me
could be together for all of time.

How naive of me to think it would all be fine.

With you, with you, without you now,
I must learn how to survive and let you fly.

Without you, I will stay alive but changed having felt our love.
So pure, so strong, nothing new could ever compare to you and I.
Without you, I take the reins and set off in a new direction, transformed by you
as I lick my wounds and say goodbye.

This love is my drug, my disease that refuses to grant me reprieve or
release as I feel I am covered in fleas.
I pray to God to appease me and wash away the pain I'm in,
so covered in sin because I still love you and I am suffering.

I clench my teeth in regret, so desperate
as I watch my emotions circle the drain,
running away from me again,
out of control and all in vain.

Like poison, they infect my brain,

I just want to be with you, just me and you,
so free and new. No longer blue
but fiery reds and Earthy greens.
I don't know why you need to be so mean,
when you have always been so dear to me.

I fear that we will just remain in this Purgatory,
strangers now though we have so much chemistry.
Love like this should not be history,
I miss when you were so good to me, the oxygen that I needed to breathe.

Oh how I am drowning now, without you here,
as I am forced to learn how to be on my own.
Loneliness is no stranger to me now that I am all alone.
Each day we created new memories that haunt me now so desperately.

With you, with you, without you now,
I must remember how to be the fighter that I am. 
As we are no longer entwined or hand in hand.

Without you by my side, it all feels so mundane.
Oh how I wish that I could just have one more night with you in my arms again.
It drives me insane, has me seeing your face everywhere that I look.
No room for anyone else now that love shall remain a closed book.

I only crave your lips, your scent that would
always linger on my fingertips.
Time was supposed to help heal all wounds
but these ones remain open and can only be fixed by you.

Without you now, I live a lie, each minute spent trying
to convince myself that you and I were just my imagination.

That there is no fascination that has me
unable to think of anyone else in the same way.
Hoping that I can pray you away, keep up with forgetting you until you fade away.

Without you now, I am my own best friend.
So that I never fall or break or bend or feel this way again.

Unwilling to let anyone in or for
my walls to fall the way they did with you.

With you and without you the lines are so blurred
that I am confused for I still love you more than anything else
I've ever known or encountered.

Without you now, I remain at home devoid of anyone to share my throne with.

I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you...but I want you.