REMember Me

Last night, I slept without the need for dopamine. 
My reverie was filled with dreams of you and me.
Sweet serotonin slumber made me feel like it was summer.
You possess my every thought, my heart beat's a guitar and you are the drummer.
So in love, I need no pills now that I welcome my REM state with open arms.
Wrapped up in you, I'm safe from harm.
What I wouldn't do to have you next to me.
Just please promise not to forget, but instead remember me.
What good is nor-epinephrine if your heart is restless,
who needs to feel secure or happy if there's no one to share it with?
I claim to want to be alone just so nobody knows,
how my nights are filled with your caresses, your smile is my home.
My amygdala is where you reside, with all my pain put away, only pleasure remains.
I long to hear your voice, how I wish on all the stars that you were near.
Separation is too great a punishment, I fear.
I gave you something old, something borrowed and blue. 
New things even, as a promise I'll stay true.
One day, in the future, I know we'll reunite.
But until then, I pray our flame still burns as bright.
Just don't break my soul or heart any more, the damage is done.
Please promise not to forget, but instead, remember me.

God Particle

In Switzerland, the scientists created a God particle,
claiming that the creator could be made in a laboratory.
Interesting to say the least but what about faith that brings me to my knees?
The belief that I am but a mere speck in history?
Sacrilege and blasphemy often go hand in hand.
Ignorance, however, is not bliss;
I wish this was a concept more of us could understand.
Wanting to be first and best has always been mankind's demand,
resulting in conflicts throughout the world's holy lands.
I am an unholy man; done things in my short time here
that I am too ashamed to admit.
But now I plead the fifth as that glove no longer fits, so please acquit.
Changing as I grow older, evolving as I defeat my bad habits.
I vow from here on out to solely speak the truth. 
A car although a vehicle can also be a photo booth.
Slowly but surely conquering my demons, my anxieties are soothed.
It is but meagre recompense for behaving like Ebenezer Scrooge.
But I am not a stooge even if my hair is Curly, not Larry or Moe,
as I regain my footing trying to recount all that I know.
No more pain or fear, I surrender and accept to reap all that I have sown.
Lo and behold, take in my stance as I put my lips together and blow.
Hail Mary, full of grace and forgive me father, for my sins.
Grant me the courage to accept the things I can'tchange.
Let me be secure in my identity so that I can, once again, know serenity.
Guilt and shame so often get the best of me,
so please just let me do me as I forget so quickly 

about life and liberty in my pursuit to be happy.

Dreaming.

I have a dream that our fight for civil rights will not end in sleepless nights,
a fantasy that we can live in harmony with equality
acting as the bridge that connects you and me.
I dream of unity between man, woman and beast instead of
the hatred that manifests as violence erupting in the streets and under the sheets.
My reverie has been interrupted by the greed
that oppresses and hides in deceit filled fleets.
One ship prepared for battle and another for war,
as our chests heave with anger
until we have all become casualties of the rich,
though we remain poor.
This eye for an eye ideology has made the world blind,
forgiveness unheard of in a world where love has been left behind.
I had a dream that justice was real, that our hearts would stay open,
instead our blood has congealed.
Humanity, the only race, instead of
socially constructed labels we were assigned to keep us in our right place.
I have a dream one day man will be judged not by the colour of his skin
but by the content of his character;
loved for what was within and not just based on melanin.
I still believe in my dream, we have not fallen so far from grace that we cannot be saved.
My dream may one day still be a reality,
to lose faith in love would be like succumbing to insanity.
I have a dream thanks to a King who was dethroned by bigotry,
but whose legacy has paved the way for a boy like me to dare to even dream.

Escapism.

A coma would even be better than the reality that is my most skilled enemy.
Numb from anesthesia would be sweeter than being forced to cope.
Desensitized by sedatives so I could get some peace.
Dead man walking now that I've forgotten how to sleep.

My thoughts possess me making my skin crawl like my anxiety is composed of fleas.
I am my harshest critic when I ostracize myself for believing my own lies.
Always waiting for a new day to arrive although my sun refuses to rise.
Time was supposed to heal all wounds but cuts me instead, unwilling to let me rest.

Cancer would even be better on me as it would come equipped with pain that I could see.
Anguish from traumatic events are not tangible;
invisible to the world, so I feel it is an unworthy defense.
Suffering in this state is only understood by others privy to emotional pain.

If only it were simple to explain, and stigma was not saved for illnesses that exist inside our brains.
I was meant for so much more than this life defined by the obstacles that I have endured.
Not measured in success but rather by the duress that has
robbed me of any reason to feel accomplished.

Each lesson pulls me in a different direction
as I've tried everything from prayer to therapy in the hopes that I could somehow change my perception.
The only cure would be sanctuary from my emotions that are diseased.

I would love to be released from the insanity
that circles inside me like a merry go round that will not stop long enough to let me off.
Privileged to be born free, my own choices have imprisoned me;
the abuse I became used to set the ground for the decay that disparages my mind.

I went from hurting myself physically to chasing temporary highs
to mask the sorrows that are so easily drowned in ravines of red wine.
I beg of God to have mercy on my soul and take away the insomnia that invades me,
a cycle that never ceases to end.
My greatest conflict is to regain control of my life, which can only happen once I make amends with my past that I've condemned.