Basic Instinct.

You are an amateur claiming to be on my level,
yet your life reads like a comedy, your looks are equally disheveled.
Trying to ascend, your feeble attempts to social climb are irrelevant,
laughable and unphotographable just like a funny Valentine.
I am expertly skilled at what I do, undefeated even at my worst as you, despite all of your efforts,
are like a balloon filled with more than enough hot air to make you burst.
Unraveling, your seams are slowly but surely coming undone in front of everyone,
 it's clear for even the blind to see that you're not fooling anyone.
Equipped with only basic qualities, you're barely a beginner and yet you still try to compete with the likes of me.
I will always win, victory courses through my veins.
I am comprised of triumph, defeating you will come as easily as any of the trophies I have fairly won. I hold the deed, the title to your properties; the landlord of all that you could even imagine or aspire to be.
Deluded, as you confuse your self-awareness for confidence when even a quick glance from me could send you reeling into an infernal abyss.
I tear down your walls, bring your castles crashing to the ground;
I saw through your facade like it was made of the cheapest quality of fabric.
Should never have doubted me; I could have shown you the ropes and maybe you would also be fantastic.
Hilarity crept in through your front door and now hides within the shadows and corners of your home. Your people pleasing is pitiful, your only motivation was to be validated by strangers;
how can you be so naive that you've been burned by the fire of your artificiality so many times and somehow still fail to detect the danger?
Fickle friends, as fair-weather as can be, fill your company,
and then you somehow wonder how no one is around when you're in need.
I have risen above and you're still in shock on the cold, hard ground;
you sink further into obscurity's deceit, lost and damaged,
I sadly doubt that you will ever be found.

Worthy.

A dream is a wish your heart makes and I know mine has been granted
as I have been given a fresh lease on life; I feel like I am enchanted.
I will no longer give into grief or let depression seep into me.
I have promised myself to stay committed to the sobriety which will set me free.
The magnificent beast inside me has been defeated, my rage is now extinct.
I am the master of the game, my demons exorcised in a blink.
All it took was time to truly let my wounds heal,
as the introspection allowed for me to remember how to feel.
I was as angry as a warrior that wanted to avenge his ancestors' honour,
like a soldier in the trenches armed and ready for battle.
I forced everyone around me to walk on eggshells as
the slightest misstep would wake this dragon from its slumber;
they were David, I was Goliath when I incited terror with my voice that echoed like thunder. Voracious and vile, I would not stop until I was the victor
though I only saw the damage I caused when all was quiet as a whisper.
The silence became deafening as it wanted to teach me to take accountability,
which has now become my greatest lesson.
A boy who cries wolf too many times is sure to be abandoned,
consistency can be the only way he will be redeemed.
I will climb the highest mountain, and swim across the most dangerous seas,
tread through perilous deserts in the name of self-mastery.
I do not want different faces, or to fill my loved ones hearts with fear,
I cannot keep rewinding, or backpedaling to undo their tears.
Self-control will only come when I learn to bite my tongue,
I am evolving now that I have identified the root cause of my actions.
Growing again from the inside out, as I have discovered my fear of being deserted.
I know that I can get through this, I owe it to my future because I am worth it.

Soliloquy.

In an instant, all was calm again as you came along and chased the pain.
We connected as naturally as birds and bees, our love coursing through my veins
revived my depraved heart.
Happiness comes from within but you made me see that life is not the same without it.
You cured the cardiac arrest that made me seize and closed off to letting anybody in.
Like the wind, you soothed my soul when it burned with restlessness.
For a short period in time, I recognized the power of real love;
stabilized my vital signs, like insulin, you made everything right again.
Now that you've gone away, I am forced to pick up the pieces of me that I never wanted to address,
all the parts of me that I learned to suppress by ignoring my loneliness.
You were the deejay that removed the blues from my playlist,
the master that made me a slave to love whose existence I had tried so hard to deny.
I naively protected myself in vain as though I had lost the very ability which had controlled me all of my life.
You were the maestro that conducted my most beautiful symphony to date, the sorcerer that cast the most beguiling spell on me.
Ignorant to the possibility that I could ever hurt again,
until you tore your love away from me, ripping all of the oxytocin from my brain.
Leaving me to shake from the withdrawal of your kiss; your caresses had become my favourite drugs. You were the tamer that domesticated my wild heart, the answer to the prayers I had been uttering since the day I learned how to talk.
My body denied of your touch brings tears to even the most hardened eyes;
 I was not ready to wake up from our dream, unprepared to stop singing the words to the lullaby that we co-wrote.
You were the sculptor that engraved his name onto my soul, the only consolation that could ever make me whole again.
Maybe we forgot how to appreciate one another in the dark,
though I saw light when you only saw an end to our farce.
Claimed that I was empty yet you failed to see the emptiness that you had filled.
Now that you're gone, the hollowness within becomes wider with each day.
You were my knight, the light that illuminated the immense darkness that I had adjusted to.
Once again, I have to learn to see through all the fog that had cleared when you arrived with the sun.
I never knew a love like ours that was always patient and kind;
never judgmental but in the end, you could not continue pretending to be blind.
Maybe one day we can sail again among the stars, you were my moon,
my sun but now my world has died, drowned in an ocean of night.
I just wanted an eternity with you; I wish we could turn back time,
rewind and somehow make it all right again,
I wish with all my heart and might that you weren't gone.

Haunt Me.

An unmanned piano plays our song aggressively as though possessed.
I exhale and see my breath, it is colder than the Arctic in your absence.
The wind howls outside my window and I can swear it has your voice, it's calling me.
Like footsteps in an abandoned house, I am still haunted by you and me.
I have returned to hiding not wanting my presence to be known,
a phantom in this world desperate to be reunited with you, my soul.
Our tragedy replays in my head like a chilling horror movie scene,
my pain made me a monster although that is no excuse for the torment or abuse I put you through. Haunted by you now, our memories like graves of loved ones that died prematurely;
they line the cemetery that is my brain in rows that will never be complete.
No longer inhabited by human life that has ceased, our world succumbed to loneliness and is covered in disease.
Devoid of life, it starts to fall apart and decay;
all because you left me, why did you have to go away?
You haunt me in my dreams, my only nightmare is my reality.
Without you, silence has conquered me. I do not want to speak
for fear my words will deceive me by revealing my grief.
Thunderstorms and bones the only remnants of our love, eerie to accept that this is all that we have left.
You have haunted me, I cannot even sleep now that I am unwanted,
my demons have returned to devour me.
Knocks on my door though no one is there,
my heartbeat no longer races, as my lungs don't care for air.
Not even familiar faces could ease the misery that only responds to your company.
I am the sole occupant of this asylum in my head,
shock therapy could not even eliminate all this dread.
Haunt me, now that you have gone away, possess my every waking thought,
if it's the only way you can remain.
I needed you but I know I am to blame.
Haunted by you now, I will not let you hurt me by leaving.
I live in a world where you and I still coexist; I refuse to acknowledge that anything is amiss.
Craving your fingers, I could be disarmed by your kiss.
You will continue to haunt me as I sink further into this ill-conceived abyss.