Accident-prone yet bulletproof, resilience courses through my veins. After plucking out the shrapnel from my own Hell-Bent self-destruction, all I was left with was me. Through embracing my darkness, I found the light. Here lie a sordid collection of POETRY, PROSE, AND REFLECTIONS on the traumas & triumphs along the way.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Ice Age.
Heartbreak, sorrow and grief transcended led me to the path that meandered in your direction, flying above the sky on the back of a bird called bliss, you are the closest yet to perfection, I can feel it in your kiss. Your brown eyes make me glow from the radiant heat and love that I see reflected inside, I saddle up and grab the reins, more prepared now than I've ever been for any other ride, hopefully this one devoid of pain. Like kerosene, you looked at me and I was set ablaze like gasoline. Relieved to be reignited as I thought I lost my light and that my prose would remain unrequited. My flammable heart burns brazenly inspired by your scent, as my spirit moans crazily from your manna, you are truly Heaven sent. Suddenly, the gears in my mind race again, sending blood and your name coursing through my victorious veins. Virulent love infects me making me glow from the inside out, although I try with great effort to keep my guards up and devout, you have already replenished me and saved my endangered terrain from its dire drought. Drenched in you, new life grows in what I believed had become a barren wasteland, just from one look or the slightest touch of your hand. Drowned in sweat, dripping from our heads and slowly trickling down, we dance as passion and pleasure become the first new inhabitants of my heart's ghost town. My thirst slaked, you slayed the fire-breathing dragon that threatened to devour me whole, tortured artist syndrome as I felt I needed to be in despair in order for my words to flow, forgetting that states of ecstasy also watered the seeds helping them blossom and then letting them grow, intrigued that all you had to do was put your lips together and blow. Although my past followed me attempting to infect us with the venom spit by others' bias judgments, I adore you for giving me the benefit of the doubt and avoiding falling prey to their misguided grudges. Winter cold heart of mine has thawed, even as remnants of my past ice ages may still remain, let me in and I will be the heat and vitamin D that feeds your brain. As I continue to melt, I will do to you what spring does to the cherry trees, caress you when the world is unkind, as my fragrant breeze brings you to your knees in adoration. Summer's sun will bring us closer, I will have no more need for hibernation as our love will come full bloom after spring showers, we will be surrounded by the most bountiful gardens of flowers. In Autumn, we will fall again; my leaves made colourful by your sweet surrender, thank you for coming, your arrival might just be my number one contender.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Reanimation.
Oxytocin sweet when I knocked you off your feet, not familiar with defeat, I craved you like a carnivore craves meat. Not sorry for not concealing my conceit, but I cannot help but think about us between the sheets, and I know that I will be like a cat in heat until we kiss then complete. Playful but passionate as two become one, my Earth orbits your sun, breathe new life into me, do me but I will not be outdone, I always play my cards right until I have won. Batter up now baby, we will not stop until we have hit a homerun, I will leave you stunned, like a virgin, once again you will feel undone. Cashmere caresses that will make you feel at ease, at peace as if you were sailing the seas, my lips as soft as a summer breeze, lay back and let me love you until you are pleased. Tingles up your spine and down to your knees, surrender as my army enters your castle like a siege, until you shiver with sheer pleasure as you are seized, unlocked now by my keys. Come with me as we soar above the skies soaked in sweat and synchronized, look into my eyes and let yours reflect the lust inside. Sail with me into the sunrise as your pleasure produces my pride, these highs elevate me more than any other ecstasy could ever provide. You occupy then dominate my dreams, you are my dopamine, more sensual than Mary Jane dressed in the best shade of green, twice as soothing when I inhale your scent, your fragrance is sinfully serene. Better at keeping me awake than cocaine or caffeine, I am now your kingdom and you are my queen, fill me with your fantasies no matter how obscene, then let me devour you as you have quickly become my favourite cuisine. Serotonin seduces my sanity as I am overcome with innocent infatuation, adrenaline courses through my veins forever fascinated, disarmed by all you have done to me though there is no need for evaluation, you have brought me back to life, I have been reanimated.
Higher Ground.
The chaos of my carcinogen filled past crystallizes in my already callous heart, creating numbness inside of me replacing the reasons why I was ever compelled or consoled by others' art. Agonized by apathy, fairweather friends quickly become foes to me, as I am assaulted by their animosity, how could I be so naive as to assume that they were ever good for me? I am not a sacred saint nor am I a spiteful sinner, yet I am surely self-aware enough to see that out of these soulless sods I am a winner. Waging wars against me with words that they can barely spell or pronounce, we will have to wait to see who is laughing in the end when they are renounced. Robotic little creatures attempting to be worthy wolves though they are really just sad little sheep bestowed with the lowest quality of wool. Loyal to no one, these lice would sell their own mothers for a pity of a price, unaware of the benefits to be reaped from compromise or sacrifice. I disassociate myself from you demons with the utmost distate and disdain, die in the streets devoid of dignity then get devoured by acid rain. You will taste my wrath when success leaves me rich enough to purchase then resell you insipid whores, you will know my vengeance when you come begging for mercy at my door. The love and compassion that I felt for you have ceased to exist forevermore, strangers now, you have lost that unconditionally, love don't live here anymore. Celebrate your greatest loss with the sycophants that you get stupid with and say a silent prayer for your salvation as you remain oblivious to your spirits that will end up suffering. I win though victory was the last thing that I sought, instead of maligning my character you should have thought before surrendering to the battle that should never have been fought. With my hands washed clean of you, I am now immune to the disease that the likes of you carry around, lost when we were acquainted but found now that I have finally reached my higher ground.
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Regression.
Regression, often my greatest weapon when I feel defensive cheapens my thrills and makes me immune to confession. I crawl into another layer of skin to avoid the sinking feeling that I am covered in sin then build my castle walls higher to prevent myself from caving in. Instead of learning the lesson that lies in front of me, I choose to circumflect and tip toe around the misery. Regret comes when you fail to learn from your mistakes, repeating the same patterns that result in getting burned at the stake. Wise beyond my years, my foresight ensures that I bend but never break yet something beneath the surface aches to put an end to the artificiality of being fake. Obsessing day and night about the changes that I need to make, perpetually planning and calculating ways to protect myself from heartbreak. Midnight falls accompanied by the clarity I crave, I rant, I rave although I do not take the steps to see that my soul is saved. I age backwards, racing counter clockwise to gain security, there is method to my madness as I am running to spare myself from obscurity. I run faster then jump higher traveling back to the time that I was carefree, breathe deeper, laugh harder as it becomes clear that I am really only running away from me. Haunted by my past and frightened by my future, my present is my pride provoking prize but I keep tearing out its sutures. Living in three places at once creates chaos and confusion, as I must seize the day and stop living in my head assuming that it will cushion my falls and clear away contusions. I need to remind myself that I am only human, infallible and often accident prone though I have thrived for so long expecting my best without being cognizant of the misdeeds for which I have yet to atone. So no more turning ticking time's hands backwards as I retract further into my shell, I can no longer romance regression's sultry spell that has sent me spiraling towards my own personal Hell. Onwards and upwards I march towards higher ground, lost no more I have regained the strength that will slowly save me from myself and ensure that I am found.
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