Serene.

Sober never seemed like it could ever be so serene, until I was taken outside of myself and forced to accept that all that glitters is not necessarily as beautiful as it might seem.  Purified perspective points me in the right direction and paints a picture of a person that I thought long ago had abandoned me and set out to create mass internal destruction.  No longer coveting all things covered in the colour black, as I fight back, feeling renewed, more confident in my ability to avert others' acidic attacks.  I am not a sheep yet for so long I got lost amongst a failing flock, I am actually Bo Peep, the solo shepherd who controls the block.  Removed from my resources, I found the greatest gift of all, resurrected, stronger than ever, no longer weak enough to slip or fall.  Once again, I can see the light that had died behind my eyes, assured that I have become someone that I can love, instead of the social pariah I was, that I despised.  I am ready to take on any challenge, no hurdle will seem too high, as I prepare myself for the greatest battle of all and set out to defeat the evils that attempt to lead me astray at night.  Three weeks is all it took to make me count my blessings, for me to realize that I have been blessed with all the best things.  To rant, rave or cry about the problems that I had now seems like the weakest choice, as I have come face to face with a society that shouts but has no voice.  Fortunately, for me, I come from a land where I am granted liberty, integrity, and dignity; where humans have value and are not transient vagabonds walking the streets and paid in pity.  I am stronger now than ever before, ready as I will ever be to spread my wings and soar, dejected no more, I plan to be the man that I adore and lead myself to victory, in my own personal revolutionary civil war.

Tricky.

You think you're tricky but you're really not tricking anyone, foolish maybe because baby. you are still the foolish one.  Trapped in a maze that your denial weaved, wrapped in a web of lies caused by your own deceit and disease.  Sure, you can play house with any Tom, Dick, or Harry but at night when it's cold, and you feel lonely, it's just scary.  Traumatized by me?  No, accept fault for once, you were too weak to try me, which is why you've failed more than once.  A part of me, let's call it naive, believed that one day we could achieve serenity but those thoughts are now bereaved.  Your careless vehicle carried my heart as its passenger until the last day; right now, when I have released myself from your boughs, I am ready to throw down.  Temporary insanity brain of yours tried to tell me that you missed what was not just once, but twice already yours.  You have used up all your coupons now though, which explains why you're running around town with all those other whores.  Silly of me to think that you could ever be the one, when on my dreariest of days, I still outshone you more than the sun.  You have the nerve to come back and request that I let the birds that circle above your corpse get the best and just leave you to your death?  Done.  I am tired of playing this game for one.  Enjoy getting ravaged by savages and such, with me, you were a blessing, now you just looked cursed to the touch.

Hope.

There is a tiny voice at the deepest darkest void that calls out for hope although it is one I often avoid.  Instead I poison myself with alcohol, intoxicating me until I am irrelevant, and oblivious yet I am not insidious.  I want to listen to the voice within that beseeches me to stop my sins but instead I have another drink, numbing the pain and silence, consistently on the brink.  On the verge of something exciting yet always a few steps back, it is almost as if I dare to react and risk undergoing my own personal massive attack.  I am unsure how to continue when I can feel my heart breaking in my chest, shattering into a million pieces; why couldn't it be as easy for me as it is for the rest?  My journey has led me to fleeting moments of hope where I could feel a new sun dawning on my day but then it has also victimized me, raped me, beaten me, and made me its prey.  I am only human, how much more am I supposed to take?  How much must I be forsaken by God's salacious snake?  It bites me on the daily, proof for all that I have done wrong, yet I continue to march along, smile plastered upon my face llke nothing could possibly go wrong.  I pray one day I listen to this voice that calls for hope so that I can become one with my future and no longer viewed as a joke.  Tunnel vision heart of mine just sees what lies ahead, but at this rate all that I can see is another sibling dead.

Gone.

I hear you in the silence that has replaced your vibrant voice, and in the emptiness that remains, it is an all-encompassing void.  Your laughter fills the rooms of the house that I live in, it has failed to stay a home, even the walls seem to be sealed with suffering.  The shadows at night conceal you, tricking my cognition into thinking that it was just a dream but then I see your picture and I am forced to accept that all that glitters is not necessarily what it may seem.  In my mind's eye, I envision you, always looking your best; decked out to the nines, you were in a class above the rest.  The loneliness is daunting as you haunt me everywhere I go, it is even more alarming when I can almost hear you singing along to songs that you loved on the radio.  The sweet scent of your fragrance lingers, stronger than ever before, it ebbs and flows and tickles my nose, confusing my conscience through its thunderous throes.  The flowers bow their heads in respect now that you are no longer here, as isolation has overpowered love, filling my grieving heart with five thousand fears.  For years, this greatest loss of all will be mourned,  though I am  unsure if it is even reperable, as I wish I could rewind time to when we were the best of friends; we were truly inseperable.  We shared the greatest bond in that we understood one another's temperamental brains, which is why we were always so quick to forgive after the outbursts that would pour out of us like acid rain.  Two of a kind, we were such a rare breed yet I am begrudgingly forced to accept that your spirit now resides within the breeze, kissing the trees.  Nothing will ever be the same now that your light has been dimmed like a candle in the wind, I can accept that nature has taken its course but I reject this unrelentless upset that has left me bereft and so grim. You were the greatest love that I have ever known so I must muster all the strength that I have inside to keep my head up as I march on.  Almost two months to the day, yet I still choke and hold back the tears that do not allow me to accept that my most valued friend and confidante is actually gone.