Accident-prone yet bulletproof, resilience courses through my veins. After plucking out the shrapnel from my own Hell-Bent self-destruction, all I was left with was me. Through embracing my darkness, I found the light. Here lie a sordid collection of POETRY, PROSE, AND REFLECTIONS on the traumas & triumphs along the way.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Alice
My eyes adored you as you entered the frame, I was drawn to you like moth to flame. Months turned into years as we smiled to hide the tears. Pushed turned into shove, as we fell further out of love. You came along when I needed a saviour, but left me instead with a taste I could not savour. You vowed to reciprocate my love with gratitude but often failed to return the favour. You broke my heart, shattered it into a million little pieces. I sacrificed my self respect from the start, as you failed to see that love unreturned only decreases. My failure to note that you were secondhand, the jaded victim of another man forced me into this mess that refuses to succeed, as you line your pockets with money and replace our love with greed. You suspect my every motive, with your conscience full of guilt, as the flowers in our garden continue to die and wilt. I have lost my will to fight, as you deployed emotional blackmail to rob me of my light. Often harassed me with your malice, led me through your rabbit hole as if my name were Alice. I entered a world so enchanted on first sight that my heart beat in delight until you started to incite. This Wonderland felt nothing, if not grand and even better as you held my foolish little hand. You fought a war with words and stabbed me with love's knife. It cut so deep and gutted me to the core, making me abhor the feelings that I had stored. I cursed you out, tornadoes filled the room as I sat and cut my finger on the tangled web that you had loomed. Slept for so long, that I lost my sanity and song; stripped me bare and rewrote the words to my life and entitled it despair. I can no longer resume this tumultuous affair, that has cost me my fortunes and made me so frail. You were my greatest contender, my Queen of Hearts, as you blackened my soul and tore my world apart. We were a fairy's tale but one written for the blind, and only in braille. Our ship had long ago set sail, swallowed like Jonah in the emptiness of a whale.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Destiny
You captured my heart with your arrow and bow, and I desire nothing more than for us to experience growth. My violin plays an ode to our love, so pure and serene that it creates envy in doves. Your sorrows I will soothe as you lie in my arms, providing you with guidance and shelter from harm. The very night we met was nothing if not bliss, as I surrendered myself to your promise of eternal bliss. My soul cried out in glee happily, that you are my soul's mate on Earth, as you have managed to remind me of my worth. You are equivalent to your weight in diamonds straight from De Boers, as I envision our future and see sunshine for years. I will still know that you are the one, when my vision has diminished to the point that I can not see but only feel the heat of the sun. It bathes me in its heat and caresses my frame, as I relinquish my ego and refuse to play games. I sheathe myself in you, praying for more; your ecstasy has taken over me and settled the score. No longer naive, I am wiser now devoid of a script, I have taken a bow. You have chiseled your name into my heart, yet this required no effort on your part as you were inside me, right from the start. I experienced déja vu when I first saw your face, as I knew we had incarnated before, in this holding space. My soul is entwined with your body and mind as you whisper the three words that are much too kind. I have been a burden, spoiling you with my cynicism while you were the cataclysm that led to my heroism. Stripped of my devices, I can now breathe as I take your hand in mine and promise you eternity. Paradise claims to be as nice, even though I hear your name resonate in my body, not once, but thrice. The third is the day that I refused to let love pass me by, I love you and always will, no need for an alibi. You have saved me from myself and the throes of life itself, as I gratefully reflect and see that you have answered my cries for help. My confidence has risen to the highest degree, as I fall further in love and embrace my destiny.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Destruction
Insomnia strangles as it deceives me with false promises of sleep; it closes in and comes in for the kill, painfully sadistic, but always a thrill. I lie awake at night, innocently questioning the path of my life. Will it be one of wonder and love, or contrarily one of heartache and strife? I analyze every aspect as I am nestled awake, shaken to my core, and left yearning for retribution for the love that you would take. I asked the moon to reveal to me, all of our love's discrepancies. As if I was much to blind to agree that I was merely entranced by your perfumed potpourri. She pressed her face to mine and said, "Love too, goes stale, as it is not like wine but more like bread." I sat and contemplated her wise and profound advice, praying for a way to once again entice. But instead, I sit and write, hoping to earn some solace from these dark and lonely nights. Your betrayal still stings like a wound that refuses to close. Try as I may, I am still haunted by my own ghosts. I adored you with the fervour of an innocent child, yet you ignored my attempts, making me feel feral and wild. I was raised amongst Gods, given the utmost respect, until you pierced my skin and proceeded to infect. I have become toxic, your own personal Chernobyl; I have become so ignoble, as I sit isolated and absentmindedly reflect. I am a wasteland, barren and bare, devoid of life as you sold all my wares. Pillaged my village, and left me for dead; played with my heart as if it were on a thread. You used me to test your weapons of mass destruction, as I dejectedly waited for your next round of nuclear testing. You are Bush and I am your Iran, you poisoned my land as you did in Japan. I long to be free and fly away home, yearn to be asleep in this empty tomb. I am but a prisoner in this often solitary world; always an oyster, covetous of the pearl.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Poison
Our version of love had become such a dispute, push turned to shove as I became increasingly mute. I refused to wear the scarlet letter of love lost, so instead I would push you away and endlessly accost. You showed no emotion, your face was a blank slate, with reckless abandon, I continued to eat from your plate, all the while questioning whether it was all a mistake. I cried and I begged for you to grant me release, as I sat in your prison plotting ways to capture the keys. I pleaded for the remnants of my life that you viciously held within your hand; what would it have been like if I had never entered your dark and dreary land? You were vile and contrite as you denied me my rights, writing my fate with your pen as I pathetically transformed into the thorns of a rose with my pitiful, and depressing prose. I was your prisoner for far too long, as you shattered my lungs and silenced my song. At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its face against mine. It relieves me of my loneliness, like a fine vintage wine. It is the only solace I receive in the walls of this asylum that offers me no reprieve. With no end in sight, I count my blessings and say my prayers, tuck myself in knowing that these fights will be the cause of my eternal despair. I turn off the lights and no longer resist the eternal slumber that has been closing in, I am finally at peace as I serenely sleep. You were the lethal injection into my veins, the cause for my strife and the reason for my pain. You were the jagged knife that robbed me of my life, the tormentor of my soul and the crooked piece that would never make my puzzle whole.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
In Reference:
love
(16)
loss
(11)
sadness
(10)
letting go
(8)
relationships
(8)
society
(8)
current events
(6)
healing
(6)
resilience
(6)
romance
(6)
LGBT
(5)
family
(5)
femme fatale
(5)
heartbreak
(5)
humanity
(5)
sad
(5)
Breakups
(4)
feminism
(4)
gratitude
(4)
injustice
(4)
sorrow
(4)
women
(4)
LGBTQ
(3)
Life
(3)
abstract
(3)
acceptance
(3)
black history
(3)
blacklivesmatter
(3)
community
(3)
death
(3)
depression
(3)
girl power
(3)
hope
(3)
motivation
(3)
moving on
(3)
nature
(3)
self-love
(3)
social justice
(3)
strength
(3)
strong women
(3)
trauma
(3)
unconditional love
(3)
BLM
(2)
Dating
(2)
abandonment
(2)
absent parent
(2)
addiction
(2)
anxiety
(2)
bjork
(2)
breaking up
(2)
civil rights
(2)
confidence
(2)
culture
(2)
equality
(2)
fiction
(2)
friendship
(2)
goddess
(2)
goodbye
(2)
growth
(2)
history
(2)
imagery
(2)
inspiration
(2)
life cycle
(2)
mental health
(2)
mom
(2)
mother
(2)
mourning
(2)
poem
(2)
poetry
(2)
pride month
(2)
prose
(2)
racism
(2)
rebirth
(2)
sister
(2)
social issues
(2)
solidarity
(2)
women's rights
(2)
Long
(1)
Orlando
(1)
abuse
(1)
admiration
(1)
adoration
(1)
advocacy
(1)
affection
(1)
affirmation
(1)
africa
(1)
aging
(1)
alcohol
(1)
altruism
(1)
animal kingdom
(1)
apocalypse
(1)
art
(1)
awe
(1)
battle
(1)
bipolar
(1)
blessings
(1)
charity
(1)
clarity
(1)
colonialism
(1)
coming out
(1)
control
(1)
crime
(1)
dad
(1)
dark poetry
(1)
darkness
(1)
destruction
(1)
double standards
(1)
drag
(1)
drag queens
(1)
dream
(1)
dystopia
(1)
earth
(1)
egypt
(1)
faith
(1)
fall
(1)
falling out of love
(1)
father
(1)
fear
(1)
freestyle
(1)
french
(1)
fresh start
(1)
gaia
(1)
gay
(1)
gender
(1)
gods
(1)
grandmother
(1)
grandparents
(1)
grief
(1)
happy pride
(1)
hate
(1)
holding on
(1)
honesty
(1)
human rights
(1)
humanitarianism
(1)
identity
(1)
india
(1)
inequality
(1)
insanity
(1)
insects
(1)
introspection
(1)
islam
(1)
letgo
(1)
lyrics
(1)
ma
(1)
magick
(1)
makeup
(1)
martin luther king jr
(1)
masculinity
(1)
matriarch
(1)
mental illness
(1)
misogyny
(1)
mlk
(1)
music
(1)
one love
(1)
oppression
(1)
paganism
(1)
pakistan
(1)
parenting
(1)
peace
(1)
performance art
(1)
planet
(1)
pride
(1)
progress
(1)
psychosis
(1)
ptsd
(1)
punjabi
(1)
rape
(1)
rape culture
(1)
reflection
(1)
seasons
(1)
shakti
(1)
siblings
(1)
silence
(1)
single
(1)
slavery
(1)
sobriety
(1)
sonnet
(1)
spiders
(1)
spring
(1)
stereotypes
(1)
suicide
(1)
summer
(1)
superhero
(1)
support
(1)
survival
(1)
terror
(1)
thankful
(1)
time
(1)
torment
(1)
trans history
(1)
trans pride
(1)
trans visibility
(1)
transformation
(1)
truth
(1)
unity
(1)
urdu
(1)
vignettes
(1)
wasteland
(1)
wicca
(1)
winter
(1)
world
(1)
writing
(1)