Regression.

Regression, often my greatest weapon when I feel defensive cheapens my thrills and makes me immune to confession.  I crawl into another layer of skin to avoid the sinking feeling that I am covered in sin then build my castle walls higher to prevent myself from caving in.  Instead of learning the lesson that lies in front of me, I choose to circumflect and tip toe around the misery.  Regret comes when you fail to learn from your mistakes, repeating the same patterns that result in getting burned at the stake.  Wise beyond my years, my foresight ensures that I bend but never break yet something beneath the surface aches to put an end to the artificiality of being fake.  Obsessing day and night about the changes that I need to make, perpetually planning and calculating ways to protect myself from heartbreak.  Midnight falls accompanied by the clarity I crave, I rant, I rave although I do not take the steps to see that my soul is saved.  I age backwards, racing counter clockwise to gain security, there is method to my madness as I am running to spare myself from obscurity.  I run faster then jump higher traveling back to the time that I was carefree, breathe deeper, laugh harder as it becomes clear that I am really only running away from  me.  Haunted by my past and frightened by my future, my present is my pride provoking prize but I keep tearing out its sutures.  Living in three places at once creates chaos and confusion, as I must seize the day and stop living in my head assuming that it will cushion my falls and clear away contusions.  I need to remind myself that I am only human, infallible and often accident prone though I have thrived for so long expecting my best without being cognizant of the misdeeds for which I have yet to atone.  So no more turning ticking time's hands backwards as I retract further into my shell, I can no longer romance regression's sultry spell that has sent me spiraling towards my own personal Hell.  Onwards and upwards I march towards higher ground, lost no more I have regained the strength that will slowly save me from myself and ensure that I am found.

Hunger Games.

Crimson not just scarlet letters take this house and taint its poorly painted walls, as you continue to hide behind your defences and blame me for all of our falls.  I made the decision long ago to stop being a victim yet society keeps thinking that I am unhappy.  How much more time do I need to spend convincing them to let me be?  Traveled far and wide to realize that love truly comes from within, but then they act as if loving thyself is just a sin.  Tired of fighting for your affection in these silly hunger games, you need to play right to keep my attention or I will soon forget your name.  The predator has become the prey as I feel myself growing weak between the knees, count my blessings daily in the hopes of gaining much needed release.  Tossed and turned throughout the night as your words were ringing in my head, replaying every conversation to listen to all the things that were left unsaid.  Experience not maturity  has taught me how to bite my acidic tongue, as I retrace the steps that led me here and left us both so high strung.  Ready as I will ever be to embark on a journey to discover your beauty, much to my chagrin I am showered with reprimand as if it were my duty.  Many efforts were in vain yet I refuse to let them deter me, just dust myself off before I try again, I will remain determined.  I may bend but I will not break, resilience courses through my veins, as I try harder once again to protect my heart using my brain.  Love and its liabilities are just minor thorns in my side, I am stronger than I have ever been, I cannot be defied.  The fire in my eyes burns furiously now, I have reaped what I sowed and survived with my dignity in tow.  

Hope Floats.

I used to think that hope solely floated amidst silver lined clouds, made up by dreamers to keep us fighting for the things that made our hearts beat loud but now I know that it exists, relieved of all my doubts; I can finally breathe again made more resilient by my many shouts.  Growing up not down is more complex than the cycles of the sun, learning to walk now that all I have ever known to do is run; had my share of ups, downs and a lifetime's worth of fun, I am quickly becoming the man I have always had inside, I am the one.  No longer intimidated by the person that I was meant to be, the smile on my face is here to stay as I am truly happy, reflecting on the prisoner I was, so prone to aggression, makes me count my blessings now that I have decided to remain free.  Patience, like a stranger to me, has locked itself in my house and thrown away the key, I now strangely think before I speak, refusing to retaliate or act spitefully whenever I am feeling weak.  Humbled by humility, I am no longer vain or callous, every turn receives another, as I made a conscious decision to disassociate myself from maleficent malice.  Success has once again become an option though for the longest while it seemed selfish and futile, self-awareness seeps in supplying me with the strength to know which battles are worth fighting and which are best won with a simple beguiling smile.  Encompassed with new insight, I have lost the desire to fight but instead regained my voice that suddenly speaks words that fill even the darkest days with the brightest light.  The pain inside was once greater than the will to change, suffocating with the walls caving in I sought a scapegoat to point the finger at instead of accepting the blame.  Acceptance, my greatest lesson has blessed me with the ability to swallow my pride and break ties with my ego which grew weak from hunger and then slowly died.  The oceans of tears I cried have long dried up and turned into tries, naivety blindly led me to wreak havoc and destruction, my tumourous tantrums transgressed into tremors which shook the world leaving me volcanic and always on the brink of eruption.  Sorrow was the much needed interruption that put an end to the assumption that I was not even fit to be abandoned or abducted.  Clarity and new eyes helped me become enlightened and see the errors of my life, equipped with a better understanding of the conflict between boy and man that raged inside, I managed to gain a greater sense of determination to ensure that my future is devoid of strife.  Floating blissfully now above the world knowing that salvation has finally come, I am happy that I have always held on to hope and now march in rhythm to the beat of its divine drum.