Kash Baloch — Poetry, Prose & Survival

I collect others' karmic dust cure &&& heal the unconscious like a vacuum, I suction up trials &&& trauma that disrupt daily lives leaving them in disrepair disturbances that dare to keep them on the edge of their toes like volcanoes verging to erupt. Then wring my hands til blood runs circling the sink accusing everything but the boundaries I don't put up, to protect the sacred sanctity of my own sanity, a counterintuitive cycle that needs to complete, so that it leads to the death of this dance that defeats. Nothing compared to the joy it depletes.

  All this urgency to be alone, incriminates me, inundating. Arming me with emergency. I am an aquamarine watercolour dream, edging on the verge of obscene. A tattooed, poke & stick masterpiece cavalcade of permanent ink. Contradictory to the notion that everything is fleeting. I am overwhelmed by the deafening of my own heart, that keeps on beautifully beating. With my expectations bleeding, I soothe my spirited sanity by silently shouting at the unseen that has me seething. Dancing dangerously off-beat, I march to my own rhythmic remedy. Two-step maniacally between the melody, of my own unbecoming elegy. A eucharistic eulogy of Euphrates, Ecclesiastical elegy of Heracles. Aristocracy oft-eating Pedigree,  overheating from the thirty-third degree. Incapacitated by the ultimate finality of an apocalypse that's nearing, so what are you wearing?

my love is just another crutch; a whole circus, tainted by trust. oh wizard me, enchanted thee; you are hog's wart; i'm diamond dust. but i digress; i need some rest. my waving wand ain't your horcrux. just like a sponge, you sopped me up. absorbed my aura, you're so porous. the more i gave, the more you took. made demands without a deed. no bill of sale, you can't own us. so let me go, just let me be. take your storebought charm out to the curb, cos i deserve— equality. i'm a free bird. and i return; because i've got integrity. i set you apart, you put me aside. pull at my heart, i'll tear you to pieces. i come alive, so take back your lies. tell your untruths, cos they dont fly with me anymore; wont die for your love i'll rise above; the skies, like doves i wont be weeping another weekend. no more weak days for your cheap ways. so go suck face with some creep, babe i wont keep place for your steep hate so dont lose sleep to shear sheep, eh watch me...

When I was young & inexperienced, arrogance fooled me into believing I was ingenious. Life was a box of chocolates, like nothing could be easier. But now that I'm older, I've learned humility. The more I grow, the less I know. With ev'ry turn, there's lots to learn. The spoils of youth, though rich & luxurious are not as bright as the wisdom I've earned, like learning to be worriless. Wars waged and battles braved, I've swallowed my pride. Release the rebel and silence survives. I filled in the chip on my shoulder, and prevented it from becoming a boulder. And matter of fact, I've no monkeys at my back. It's bananas to think I used to let them attack.

When you pick me right up then toss me around, you tie my heart up in lies, say you wont let me down, right before I'm let down, you wring me out—then hang me up to dry I keep soaking you up, absorbing your love, falling for your endless fabrications. ev'rything you do, all the words you use, your ev'ry single move is calculated... Added up our numbers, evened out the odds, multiplied the reasons why I'm divided by these flaws and I'mmmmmm frustrated from separating your fallacies, trying to piece together what to believe; the truth you tell me is ill-conceived and deep-ly deceitful. Our love could've been superhuman but it's just lethal. Barbaric, savage; primeval. Addictive enough to end a life, and yet it's still legal.

Spontaneous combust, coughed up, in a cloud of dust, erased the air, to tread on trust, swept under rugs to stop the stuck, unwind the clock cos time is up. Reverse the curse, release the clutch, steeped in sweat, sweet innocents, disarm the dreadful dissonance. Rewind the tape, to relive the rust that ate away, and eroded us; like acid rain, corrosive cut.  I fade away, to further my fear  of failed filial obligatory fuss.  I uncross my heart, & hope to live, receive the love that I, too, give.  Put myself first to make it last— add armour to my house of glass.

Had my wings coated in soaking hot oil, pouring into the ocean of our toxic, intoxicating love.  A black widow without warning,  that left a crow like me, ripped  apart—wide open; you took your  knife and drove it deeper into  my skin. Gore like this has my soul  disturbed, your violence arrived like hair-raising notes played on untuned violins.  A massive attack that made me  wish I could turn back; a love so  unkind I sought to rewind time. Your kerosene-stained caresses  kept me careening, like a car crash waiting, because its brakes are failing.  Barbwired kisses that left my lips bleeding.  Keep your misery the next time you decide  to break a poor man just because you can.  Before you commit another carnal crime,  hold onto your lies, before you waste  another life.