Kash Baloch — Poetry on Identity, Love, and Survival

I swam far out beyond shallow waters, sought shelter in homes with no walls. I sacrificed my soul for you to slaughter, yet I still haven't reaped the fruit from it all. I meandered the world and its continents, searching for a love that would provide, a home for all the raw emotion within me, that will remain and never subside. I assumed you were the one, that would bring colour to my life so black and white, you added radiance to my dull skies and varnished the stars that shone for me at night. My eyes refuse to weep, for the sadness is often too much to bear. My scars run deeper than before, how much longer must I suffer from this depressing affair. I showered you with romance, wiped your tears when they would fall. But in the end I am the only one that is at all enthralled. I listened to your stories of the pain that you have felt, offered you my shoulder for the cards that you have been dealt. Much to my chagrin, our love was your audience as you played me like your violin. I ...

You ask what it feels like to be alone? It feels like one's sins that have yet to be atoned. Like, the promise of death just slightly postponed. Loneliness is like a cyclone, that rips through a city and tears through its bones. It is the scent of another's cologne, on the collar of the one that you brought into your home. But of being alone all I am qualified to say, is that it can turn your hair instantaneously grey. I have known it to strip some bare, to leave them in the cold with nothing to wear. It has darkened my days, and stolen the light that used to come as such a comfort on cold, lonely nights. I am now filled with fright, and often contrite as I rarely know when I will eat my next bite. I have lost all will to fight, as I smile insipidly, such a miserable sight. Loneliness is the one whose name I will scream for murdering my young and wearing my heart on its sleeve. It has taken my breath right out of my lungs, whipped me in the scorching heat of the desert sun. I a...

I am embarking on a new endeavour, as the pages turn. This chapter of my life will be filled with new lessons that I must learn. You and I, we grew apart, as we took one another for granted. The seed of love that grew within has died, the promises recanted. I rebuilt this city on my own, placing one brick at a time. Yet throughout it all I refused to acknowledge that love is only worth a dime. A penny on a good day, it has become so plebeian. I feel calm and serene, like the waters of the Aegean. For a brief moment, our lives were entwined; you held my hand and showed me my noble path. Now, as a specimen that has become so refined, all I can feel is your miserable wrath. The pages keep turning, as the passion burns out. Snuffed, like a candle that was once devout. In my conviction, I see that I was wrong, to assume that you were my saviour, that our meeting was like a song. You guided me like the stars, all I needed was to look in your direction to find my way home. But now I am alone,...

When you're not around, I feel like my limbs have been amputated. I am a puzzle that refuses to come undone. But whenever you're near, I can't help but feel frustrated. You were my greatest contender, not willing to be outdone. I thought that I'd been vindicated, when I made the effort to show that I have changed. Instead you pad my walls, and leave me in restraints as if I am vehemently deranged. My sun will rise again, as your flowers wilt from guilt. My castles will touch the sky, as you procrastinate on the ones in your head that you have yet to build. Ambition emanates from my pores, I exude it like the cherry tree that blossoms in the spring. You still refuse to believe that I have nothing up my sleeve. Like a prisoner on death row finally granted his reprieve. My last meal consisted of food that tasted like our love. I ate in silence as I repeated the Lord's prayer to God above. I berated Him for my weakness, for the life I left unfinished. I lamented for the...

Love is not an object that is set in stone, nor is it a guideline that others need to clone. Yet you make it seem as if there are rules for the way that one should act. You spew vile, putrid insults and expect me not to react. Have I really seemed so foolish in my broken, battered past? To give you the impression that my stupidity is so vast? I am not a victim, nor will I play your games. You confuse me and control me, watch our love as it catches flame. I thought I had fulfilled my duty, as I supported you through the worst. Yet still your ego won't allow for you to put another first. I made an effort, truly did; yet you denied me of the thrill. Of taking credit for hard work, your effect was like a pill. The kind that made me sleep, undisturbed for days. We butted heads for far too long, refusing to change our stubborn ways. One question comes to mind: was our relationship doomed from the start? I must confess that I played my part, in taking you for granted and presuming that ou...

I am an empty lot in a town whose inhabitants have been forced to evacuate. Your interest was feigned, I wish you were able to reciprocate. My empty vessel sails the seas, searching for the path its lost. You were the one who knew the price of everything, but rarely knew the cost. The tragic turns I took led to my premature demise. Our love dissipated long ago, without the beauty of reprise. My soul has wandered the earth, becoming restless in its wake. Immaturity was what crossed the line, why was it so difficult to return the love that you would take? I falter as my heart skips a beat; love is indeed a two way street. I felt naked as you stripped me of my due respect. You made me feel so weak, powerless like an insect. I reprimand you for your mistreatment of my kind and noble ways. You set my world on fire, and then left it ablaze. Now these fires burn, leaving my world so barren and cold. You have bid me adieu, and found some other to hold. I chased you like a dream that was slight...

I have surrendered myself to your sweet embrace. Your touches, and kisses cannot be replaced. I have seen our bright future, just from looking at your face. You have been my saving grace. I was so stubborn, refused to take the less travelled road. I assumed it would not hold me, that it would implode. But once I realized the beauty that God had bestowed. The rivers that connect us once again flowed. I see through new eyes, like a newborn child. My dreams before you were unambitious and mild. But with your guidance, I have undressed; my loneliness no longer expressed. I live a new life, full of satisfaction and joy. It is hard to believe that I am the same boy. The one who had built impenetrable walls. But like in Berlin, all walls must fall. I have been enchanted, like a fairy tale wood. I will withhold my promise, because you have always understood. The fury, the pain, agony and sorrow - that have aligned my smile and will continue to, tomorrow. I am victorious over my past; I have wo...

You are the star that one day fell, down into my palms. Your essence washes over me, and I am now serene and calm. You are so near, yet so far, so oppressed, and so divine. I am ecstatic beyond words that our hearts have intertwined. One day we will emerge as the heroes of fairy tales, as history has shown that unrequited love prevails. You have brought me to my salvation, and returned my sight. It is cause for celebration, as it's managed to reignite. The fire that burns within me, full of passion and desire. I am love's marquis, and you are all that I require. Since the day that I first met you, I knew my world would change. To my sorrows, I said adieu; it was a wonderful exchange. You wiped away my tears, showed me how to live again. I have since battled all of my fears, your effect was like cocaine. It gave me the confidence I needed to hold my head up high, and even when I was feeling low; I still felt so high. You are my fountain of youth, bountiful in your springs of bea...

I prayed this day would come, one in which I'd surrender to my love. I have finally succumbed, to the pleasures that tend to make me numb. I searched above and below for the promised land, and then you came along and offered me your hand. I followed you around, you often led me astray. Made me feel so petty, like I was merely made of clay. I danced when you asked and responded to your every beck and call. I was naive to assume that you would catch me if I fall. You disguised your bitterness in candy, which made it artificially sweet. Until I removed the wrapper to reveal that it was solely deceit. How long can I pretend when all I crave is revenge? To remove the smile from your face and put you back in your place. I have made you so strong, built you up from the ground. All the while you have played me out, just like a song. You forget to give thanks where they are deserved, as you unconsciously portray the image of one so calm and reserved. I see through your guise, and the part t...

You are the river that leads to my ocean, the one that maintains everything I am. Your beauty fills my world, and it I cannot condemn. I fly above you, with arms open wide. Whenever you cry, in me you can confide. I envision our future, taking over the world. As I purge myself of the sadness that has been unfurled. I see through new eyes, and my vision has cleared. I have since battled all of the issues that I have feared. You are my sight, as you fill me with light. You provide the security, that keeps me warm at night. I will be your saviour, as I lead you to salvation. I will save your soul from all of its frustrations. I brush your cheek with my hand as our souls entwine. I cannot believe it's taken so long for me to make you mine. Your soul has captured mine, as you've made me whole. It has reignited the happiness that your predecessors had stole. You are the one that fulfills my dreams, I am so ecstatic that we're on the same team. I look into your eyes and I see a ne...

Ireland's beauty beseeches me, calls me in and carries me throughout the world, high above its winds. I listen to its Celtic breeze, it whispers softly then lures me deep. I trestle through its forests, bountiful and lush, only to realize that I should have been in more of a rush. I find it's castles so alive with history, that mysteriously I hear life within their walls. At night, the winds turn warm and fill me with a rush of blood. It rolls me down its hills in the day, bouncing me seductively with each tumble, I fall deeper in love. It protects me at night in its endless caves, the ones in which I could stay all day. I embrace its sensational prowess, and let it unleash its majestic passion unto me and into me as it washes over me. I scream aloud in Gaelic, as I burst with pride and pleasure.

I found a reason not to cry, reflected deep within your eyes. You revealed the secret to life, removed the knife that pierced my heart. From lovers in the past, the ones that I knew would never last. My charms, my wit are now yours, too. I am ecstatic we let this ensue. I promise to keep you near, protect you from the dark. I'll provide you shelter from the storm, and my hands will always keep yours warm. You have shown me how to love, that I need not be enchanted from above. I can see through new eyes, and I now see that you are my prize. For withstanding a decade of hate, your lips have since sealed my fate. I can envision us dancing in the rain, our bodies moving as one, divine as vintage champagne. Together we will go far, take flight and touch the stars. I will be your shepherd, and guide your way when you are lost. You can be my sorcerer, I'll buy your magic at any cost. We will rule the world, go where no man has before. But this time I won't be afraid, because your ...

The lines of my smile are aligned with sorrow, although they were once filled with love. The wrinkles on my face are contrived of spite, now that push has turned to shove. Controlled for so long, I lost myself along the way. I have become a victim of the most passionate, fiery kind of love. It wreaked its havoc on my soul, and has filled me with fears that will stay until I am bitter and old. The remnants of my sanity have been tossed into the wind, and now I will be endlessly searching for a cure to ease the suffering. You tricked me into believing that you may have been the one. I gave you my world, bought you the stars, and praised you as if you were the sun. I was so naive to think you provided me shelter from the storm. As now, in retrospect, I see that it was all a means to transform. You have made me your puppet, a mere marionette; I danced insipidly on the strings that you held within your hands. Your friends were your audience, as you laughed and you cheered. How foolish of me...

And like a knife you still cut so deep, that I have to pretend that I am asleep. I refused to make a sound, as this pain was much too deep. Like a miser, you always made me feel so cheap. As I lie in bed, and gently weep. I cry for the years that I wasted on you. I hunger for the time that you managed to accrue. And like a tattoo, you cannot come undone. Much too permanent, more visible when I'm in the sun. The faces around me, they can all see my sorrow. As I brush them under the rug, repress them again, for tomorrow. I pretend that they are fake, that they merely do not exist. Then I realize I am caught within the midst, of your torture and torment, you always seem to persist. Until I am crying out loud, begging to slit my wrists. I am much stronger than this, I trick myself into believing that I can prevail. Yet, whenever I try, my body feels so frail. Brittle are my bones, they have almost turned to dust. I often wonder whether our love was truly lust. Our bodies have started t...