Kash Baloch — Poetry on Identity, Love, and Survival

No longer searching for validation in the faces of foes that are dead behind the eyes, I have grown stronger than ever before, as I realize that a new moon will always rise in my vanilla sky. Although my horizon may have gone grim, growing greyer upon each further glance, I am slowly learning to accept fate, and leave the rest to pomp and circumstance. Creatures of the night, that I once called friends, have become caricatures of themselves; my time alone, and new found inner strength have aided me on my never-ending journey to discover where my dreams now dwell. Enticed and exhilarated, I now see that I am able to pull through and endure, things that others have only feared in the past, I am no longer the curse, but instead, I hold the keys that will unlock the cure. Sycophants sullenly seek to silence the sunrise behind my eyes, flattery once got them everywhere but now I see through the endless lies. Grandiosity, delusions, and schizophrenic rants and raves, will...

I sit and stare in wonderment, contemplating all the things that could have been, although my own stubbornness prevented me from attaining the joys that I had seen, in dreams. The foolishness inside flickered, went out without a fight, as I crawled through the dark, stumbling, suffocating searching for the light. I am the only thing that stands in my own way, my own worst critic, harshest on the coldest days. I cringe and cower at the concept of a life without conflict, the grass is always greener on the other side as mine always appears to look unfit. I refuse to accept the happiness and bliss that I know I truly deserve, choosing instead to live in a state of constant suffering, internalizing all of the sadness that I observe. The wails inside tremor, shake me like earthquakes of the worst magnitude, as I build up my walls higher, hoping to gain clarity at a greater altitude. Impenetrable fortress that I am, no man will ever break me again, but only because I am m...

Your affected, infection laced ignorance will not function anymore, as you assume that all will forever be forgiven, yet you conveniently forget what we were even fighting for. I gave you many chances, danced for you, and helped you advance. I held your hand through your darkest hour only to become the recipient of your bad romance. Entranced, I stared into your starry eyes hoping you would whisk me away into the sky, only to realize that you were faking it this whole time, choke back your tears, say goodbye, I refuse to remain your greatest war crime. Your Hitler hail can no longer sear my skin, falling from the Heavens only to cover me in sin. You coveted the key to these chains that bound me to your acid rain, bathed me in blisters, that denoted disdain. Virulent vengeance and the vanity it wanted to veer, made it crystal clear that you congealed the bloody cross that I once held so dear. I can play at happy, plaster a smile on my face, and pretend that it is ...

The emptiness soaks in absorbing my body entirely, as it pulls my heart out; it is now obsolete. The security that would once surround me, left loneliness in its place, and has moved onto better streets. My sights were once set so high, now I watch helplessly as the only hope I have is to survive. It depletes everyday, bringing to mind the question of whether I will rot, and then decay. With too much on my plate, I realize I have taken on more than I can handle. The fear that fills me, burning stronger with each day, threatens to be my biggest scandal. In the water, I am beautiful as it washes away my sins. Purifies me like the divine, and reminds me that I am capable of achieving anything. Instead, I choose to remain in this morbid mundane stagnant state that surrounds me with the constant memories of all the things that I truly hate. Wasting away as I wear my heart on my sleeve every time that I go out, only to open myself up and be vulnerable, the thing I most ...

You claimed to be okay and said you were unfazed, but I should have known that you were waiting to set my world ablaze. I wish we could communicate, only then would I know this is all not in vain, if only we could eliminate the aggregate, then our potential would not poison our brains. Concealed caricatures of the person you claimed to be rose to the surface and engaged in battle with me, you claimed to wish me well but only gave me Hell, as you slowly revealed your colours, and came out of your sullen shell. Noxious naiveté that nearly knocked me off my feet, maniacally made me miss the person that I used to be. Your temperamental torture tasted like toxic defeat, seeping into my pores, and then dragging me through the streets. Taxicab confessions, without you I would only stay alive, with you I would surely die, as you contained enough venomous sting to inhabit many beehives. Double sided sword love, either one hurting more than the next; is it even worth it ...

My self love weighs heavy on my heart, and that is why the other me is my greatest counterpart. This black hole wants to pull me deep within, confine me, never console me, and make me bathe in my own sins. The emotional tide turns in and crashes against the shore of my security, as I venture further in and engage in feigned frivolous fatuities. I tried to conceal my past, suppressed it as much as I could, until I came to realize that I had misunderstood. Galaxies of gratitude which we will regale in when I am well, are the same sentiments that send me sorely sailing towards Hell. Vociferous and vile, evil tries to purchase me, only playing for keeps; as I subconsciously proselytize to gain my own flock of wicked sheep. The energy, and chemicals between us are absorbed into my skin, yet I try to flush it all away and drown it in a bottle of bathtub gin. This charade is not enough to break me, nor will it ever be easy to shake. I am still, however, well aware that ...